All Comments on 'Sarah and Jack's Vegas Vacation'

Well put together story. Keep writing, don't let the anonymous fuckers deter you. Cheers.

wheres the beginning? no background and no character development so we can't get into the story because we don't know who these people are. why should we care about them or want to see them together. what kind of relationship did they have before this trip and why are they on the trip? this reads like you forgot to post chapter one and you deffinetly need a follow up. the best thing you can do is ignore the kiss ass rave reviews and listen to the complainers that is the only way you will improve. you should delete this story and add the missing background and character development then it might be worth reading.

The writer is a total wanker

i am a sucker for this kind of sweet, good-hearted story, and i liked the characters fine. their backstory was implied pretty well between the lines, so i disagree about there being no character development. sure, we ended up learning more about sarah than jack, and it probably would have accentuated the story if we knew more about his life situation, what he's been doing all these years she's been married. but i didn't think it was that big a flaw. nice descriptions, hot sex, an all-around good time.

if you're looking for pointers, i'd say there were a couple times i had to catch up to your dialogue ... in other words, i didn't understand what a line meant until the other character's reaction gave me more context. sometimes that trick works (especially when the line is a one-worder that could be interpreted many ways) but the more complicated a line is, the more it oughta stand on its own, i think.

anyways, i would not mind a sequel at all, where we see how this plays out as jack and sarah adjust back into their post-vacation lives, especially as they try to keep things hidden from her kids while they're getting it on! rowr!

You need a couple of more chapters

But sex happens too fast, No reluctance. No "We shouldn't". No foreplay. Just right into sex, Slow it down.

The writer obviously thinks (s)he's written the Great American Sex Epic, but really, take away the ridiculous hyperbole (bodies 'crashing' together as they kiss; I ask you...) and incomprehensible maunderings and what you have left is not very much at all, just Jack name-checking her in every sentence; Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, endlessly; for fuck's sake, there's only the two of them there, I think we can work out who the author means if he just said 'she' instead of the endless name-checking. This was not well written, all it did was write a by-the-numbers encounter between two people we didn't know anything about, and by the end, didn't care about anyway. Sorry, this is a big miss, so no stars.

haha, you complain about hyperbole even though your very first sentence is one! or maybe you're psychic and can mind-read what the author thought s/he had written. but if that's the case, maybe you should find a way to use your psychic powers for good instead of evil. i'm constantly amazed at how people complain that literotica writers aren't writing effectively, but they don't bother to write their criticisms in a way that will be effective ... they just trash talk, which is the surest way to guarantee that their critiques will be ignored. learn how to write critiques, people! it's not the same as bad-mouthing, there's a skill to it!

... if you are going to criticise a critique then make sure you are not standing in a glass house when you start throwing the stones!!

that was a literary device called "irony." You should look it up sometime. it's loads of fun.

well, okay, you're kinda right and i feel kinda bad about it. but at least i was trash-talking somebody who was being a jerk, not somebody who just wanted to share a story on the site. yeah, i know, two wrongs don't make a right. so my apologies for the trash-talkiness.

how about this: i sure wish people would be nicer about their critiques, because polite criticism is usually more effective than criticism that seems insulting or condescending. also, every story on literotica is a gift, you know? so slamming on one is sort of like kicking a gift-horse when it's dead.

or whatever that saying is. you know what i mean.

i haven't been here for a while so i'm skimming over the reviews.

however i take it you're from britain, i wouldn't be surprised if you don't take kindly to hyperbole. some fruity comedian once said that only certain people (damned if i remember the term he used, or him at all) communicate in analogies, in which case we should burn half the literary works that have been created so far. frankly, i thought it might be a bit boorish to refer to them in rather less grandiose terms. i.e. "our mostly soggy pelvises slapped together creating quite the cacophony." but you're reading not as yourself but as the character in the story recalling an event to... idunno, a grandson, or a flatfoot, maybe Saint Peter, or hell, maybe to himself, you make the call on that. remember that this is erotica, if you're not putting yourself in the shoes of the character and taking on their persona and responding perhaps too emotionally to their experiences, you're just a voyeur who should probably find a hobby... like that whole ship in a bottle routine.

i DID manage to read the part about there being no beginning. except that it's my story, the beginning is the part you read first.

i will take the reviews that make an actual critique into consideration and modify future works accordingly.

Thank you very much for commenting.

i included as little backstory as possible, because as you read possibly moments ago YOU are the character in the story. why was jack in vegas?? why would you go to vegas? why did he take his gay divorcee sister along? i dont' know, you're reading an incest erotica. why would you take your sister along?

You beeped your last bop cowboy