by Malraux
Truly a great sweet story. The military details ring true.
Some stories are of such quality that they just stand head and shoulders above the rest.
Simply wonderful. Extremely well written. I would have liked to have seen Janice get some justice, but I understand that may not have fit in with the rest of the story.
5 star.
This story deserves 10,000 stars. You made a 65 year old man cry multiple times during the story.
.....because didn't go to work this morning on time. I couldn't stop reading. I've reread "Colleen" and have "Jonas" on my short list of rereads, so I was very pleased to see your new offering. By the way, what's up with Josh and Linda Mitchell from "Primed to Kill". Very intriguing dynamic! Ever consider a follow-up? Thanks for a great start to the holidays.*****
And I'm not ashamed of it.
I read Jonas Agonistes and I loved it, now I have read this story and I can only say ... "Hollywood, here is a great movie!"
Malraux, you are a great author, I have read only two of your stories and I want to read many more!
You have become one of my favorite authors!
Thank you for sharing your stories with all of us.
The only thing I regret is not being able to give it more than 5 *, this story deserves much more!
I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.
i just had to give you 5 stars for a very well written work
In these troubled times you successfully combined a story inwolving Syria,Israel and the USA and melted everything into a story of love for a child of mixed races,a female teacher and a wounded warrior,congratulations and thank you for sharing this litterary exploit
Btw i read "The wall " to bits and pieces allongside with Leon Uris "Mila 18 "
You made this father of two Marines cry. Excellent story, sir. You didn't go overboard on Marine ethos, but it was woven all through you tale. You also didn't get sappy with the love aspects, but they, too, were woven throughout. I appreciated sex was involved, but was not the focus, though I enjoy a good sex story, too. This one was far beyond just a sex story.
I recently read Jonas Agonistes, and I loved it, but I think you have surpassed Jonas with this tale. I wish Dad had lived long enough to read this. I really believe you two would have been peas in a pod. Thank you, sir. Sempre Fi!
I can't even put into words what I am feeling after this amazing story.
I do know that I have to go get a mop to clean up the flood that occurred whilst reading it.
Thank you so much.
this should be a book. Great story. What a roller coaster ride.
Would like a story from the exgirlfriends point of view.
Thanks for a great stoty
Fact or fiction, I am sure there are many similar stories among our veterans that would tear our hearts out if we knew. We need to thank our military for their service every chance we get. This was a great story.
A wonderful story.
Thank you so much for sharing it with us. You have touched many hearts with this story. 5*****
of love and human dignity. Makes me feel a little bit more optimistic about the world.
How do you differentiate between a very good story and a superb one like this
This one sets a standard few ever meet!
I am hoping that you will continue the story. So many ways a continuance could go. Many thanks for your efforts.
Even though it is quite late I could not stop reading. I had to know how it all came together. So many tugs at the heart strings. So many moments when I had to pause before reading more.
Thank You
beautiful. i cried. a lot. somewhat similar to my own history. except i was adopted by a female army medic who was stationed in afghanistan. she and her husband (my dad who is a psychologist) cant have kids, so when i was found in a house wreck near fallujah, and brought in to triage, mom bonded with me and decided to try to adopt me. she retired, became a paramedic instead so that she could be home for me. thank you for this story :)
An incredible piece of literature. Well written and contains all the essentials of a great story. The only negative, I have is that the last three pages became redundant.
This work was so far above the standards of this web site as to be above any number of stars.
Military detail was quite correct and everything fit. Thank you.
This may be anonymous but please keep writing, i have not had a tear in my eye for so long until i read this story. whomever you are should be very proud of the depth of feeling within this story, exceptionally well written. last but not last thank you. please keep it going
This is the best story I have ever read on this site. I'm an older man but I cried like a little girl several times. Now i I have just one request. MORE PLEASE!
Outstanding story. Can't think of anything more to say - just outstanding.FB
from the perspective of Hattie as she goes to high school, university, and . . .. .. ..
I have no constructive critique that I can offer, only my thanks for writing such a good story. I'm certain there are areas that could be improved. There always are, but it does not matter as the story carried itself.
I don't even remember how I found you on this site... an accidental click here and there I'm sure. Thank you so much for your stories
One hell of a story, couldn't anybody improve on this one, I had to give it a favorite story & 5* 's... I've been through the mill myself, 13.5 years, got hurt, had to get out myself. I was in a bit before you, '78 to '91...
Blessings to You & Yours
This is a great story.
The only thing I wish was different was that you would stick with calling Jack by Jack instead of switching between Jack and Leslie.
It makes for some confusion, since his mother, father and daughter are also of the Leslie family and part of the story.
From another Ole Chief (73-83 & Vietnam) you have a talent. My high school sweetheart that became me wife left me 6mo after we married for my closest back-stabbing fellow sailor when I was in Nam.
I would also say you flip flopping of Jacob/Jack/Leslie/Captain/Yakker made tracking the story difficult at times and you never refereed to him once as Dr. Jake Leslie, PhD, Capt. (ret) his real title. Plus you missed his MA/PhD years. And Jake's efforts would have got him a few very special medals/commendations you never covered.
Early when it came out about him being Dr. Jake Leslie I was seeing this story going towards a fellow historian Dr. Jack Ryan.
Very well done! An excellent story that brought a few tears to this old Senior Chief's eyes. Every bit as good as Jonas Agonisties. A bit of proofreading and cleaning up a few small details, and it would be perfect. Well worth 5 stars!
Beautiful story! Simply fabulous. My only comments are those of a fussy Israeli :) Naftali is a masculine name, and Shayetet 13 is generally referred to as 'the Shayetet'. Other than that, as mentioned, wonderful story.
Wow. What a story. Moving. Poignant. Elegantly simple in its narrative. Five stars are not enough.
You are an amazing story teller!!!!! Once I start reading I can't stop until the story ends. You have a gift and thank you for sharing it with us!!!!!
I regret that I could only give it 5 stars. This is one of those stories that come along once in a great while. It's simplistic in the telling and really holds your all the way through. One of my favorite writers was Louis L'Moure. Sorry, I know I misspelled it. Anyway, this story reminds me of his storytelling.
This story was dry and disjointed. Even the scenes that were meant to be emotional read like a chemistry textbook. Underwhelming.
Q
This has to be one of the best stories I have read on this site. Thanks for a great read.
One of the best stories I have read here, one with strong emotional content.
I started reading this story on Memorial Day, my eyes kept tearing up, and I found myself close to weeping a few times. Simply a great story.
Like others, I couldn't stop reading. The flash backs were timely and appropriate. The events were not only natural, they were inevitable. Anonymous, I do hope you find a heart someday.
Great story, but Naftali was one of Jacob's sons, never female. Tali is a lovely girl's name.
I love the story though I admit that it would feel more complete if there had been a reunion between Jack and Janice at some point. It just seems as if that is still left unresolved and I'm interested to see what happened to Janice's life after her betrayal of Jack. Cause even if they weren't married yet, it WAS a betrayal. So I can't help but think Jack can't REALLY move on unless he puts that to rest.
Plus, for all his and Janice's supposed history, she only appears in one scene which kind of takes away her importance. You could have simply not put that one scene and simply have Jack mention it sometime during the story as the reason he joined the Marines and the story would have been the same.
Either way, like the story.
Hey, you shouldn't put yourself down like that. I know it might feel like you're a wimp for posting things anonymously, but you're really not, I'm sure.
To Malraux: Enjoyable story, I liked the characters. The conversation felt a bit off to me, but not enough to kill the story. Keep writing, please.
Only detraction was the use of the last name outside military context. It was confusing at first but immediately made sense that it was his last name being used by officers.
That is not at all how people speak outside the military and it made little sense to call him "Leslie", especially in mixed family who are all "Leslies".
Past that the story was lovely, genuinely enjoyed the whole tale.
J
Simply put, a lovely story. Sure, there were some minor distractions. The use of a last name for one and the compounding fact of Leslie also being a first name another. However the skill of the author as a story teller over rode those critiques in my mind. Five stars and joins my favorite author list.
Well written story. Tugged at the heart strings. Loved every bit of the story! Well done. Had tears by the end of the story.
I've been hoping to find an author who can plan an interesting plot, invent characters who aren't one-dimensional, and write convincingly about exciting action and normal human emotions. So now I've found him, and for a bonus he paid attention in English class when they talked about grammar, and he can even spell! It's like Christmas in September!
Hans
Damnit! You made me cry in front of my 17 yr old son. Wow, what a story. Loved it and will recommend to others.
Another who eyes watered due to allergies. What an amazing story. Thank you
You would thin I would get past this, but every time (there have been several) it brings tears to my eyes
Excellent story. I would like to have known more completely what happened to Janice. I guess I am a terrible person because I would hope her life was not a happy one.
I've read the last comments and there must be something I'm missing here, but the story didn't really work for me. I can see it's well written, thought the change of POV is not the best choice here, you should had gone for a third person. The flashback was confusing too. Just my opinion. I find it long and boring most of the time.
This was an amazing story! I won't lie, there were confusing bits, such as how you organized it, and the last flashback was very confusing, but in the end it was still tremendous. Bravo.
A Zen Master once told me there is no greater gift that life can bestow on you than the privilege of being ordinary. This story illustrates that very well. Deep in our hearts we all know what matters most in life. Loving a child. Helping someone in need. Accepting the ups and downs without losing our way.
In the book Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield is told that mediocre persons believe that it is noble to die heroically for a cause, but exceptional people know it is nobler to live humbly for one. Your story goes beyond that. Jack was willing to do both. 5*
How can I put it , great, great story. Makes me think of many things that happen and we have no knowledge of events, just what our governments let out. The world is a cruel place in many parts, but others try their best to be honest and helpful to others. Well written, but the onions were present
If Janice was engaged to be married, why did she start dating another guy at her college! She had been with Jack from primary school. She should not have been even talking to other men let alone dating them. Obviously Janice was really a slut.
I'm not an emotional man by nature, but this story definitely hit me in the feels. An incredible example of something wonderful coming out of the tragedy of war. As I only choose one story per author to favorite, I had a bit of a problem choosing between this and Jonas, but this one won out. Great work!
I believe that if this story didn’t make you shed a tear, you don’t have a heart. And if it didn’t touch you deeply, you may not have a soul. What a great story. And what a gift for us readers that this author posts them here for us to read, for free! Thank you, Malraux. D
Her loss is not having Jack, whose love and dedication is unmatcheable. Kevin may be outstanding but the story implies that Jack may be the incomparable family partner. At least jack received the Dear John message before shipping out.
These are things that the Medal of Honor is deserved
Like another person said I have read this many times
P.S. I still cry when I read it, perhaps more with each reading
I'm astonished at the people who comment on this story by discussing the Janice incident. That was an interesting introduction to Jack and his origins, but not what this tale is about at all. If that's all you see here, you're in real trouble. This really is not a Literotica story at all; it is an emotional human interest story. It tells us about someone who heard the call of duty as a human being and a soldier and saved a life; actually two or even three lives: the child, Leesha and his own. It is indeed fiction, somewhat schmaltzy and idealized, but has a message for us all. This is a romance between a man and humanity and worthy of far more than 5*.
You really should make this a screenplay. I bet lifetime would make a movie.
It's like a hallmark holiday story.
Just wow
Words fail me at this time. I have been around the block a couple of times and seen a lot. I am not easily impressed and rarely shed a tear. However I got a bit misty a few times reading your story. Extremely well written with a measured flow to keep readers wonderingly what is coming next. My opinion is that this could have been a plublished book. A Five Star plus in my opinion. Many thanks for your hard work.
It's an adult romance posted to literotica; that's why it's in Romance on literotica. This makes the story a 'literotica story'. Janice as a plot device is a loose end that was hinted at getting tied up but was not. If someone wants to know what happened to the skank with the worst breakup line ever written (sorry, Malraux, that was turrible) they have a right to ask about the loose threads.
I really can’t find the words to express how moving this story was to me. Having been in a war, in combat, having seen the devastation that war wreaks upon children, it made my day to read a story about a baby who survived that madness and had a loving family around her as she grew up. Like I said, an outstanding story.
As a Middle East war veteran and retired military I was brought to tears repeatedly during this story. (Yes, PTSD) No, I was not a Marine or a Seal but I respect both groups. This is a wonderful story about an unusual situation but one I can fully believe. Very well written also. Well Done Sir.
A great story with heroes, and the undying love between a father and daughter. There are in there for each other.
Beautiful!
Very powerful. Easily one of the most poignant stories here. It’s impossible to say any one author is “the best”, for in what way, and in who’s eyes? But I would offer you and only a few other authors here for that title.
Thank you for sharing your stories with us!
This story reminded me of another favorite Jonas Agonistes which I'll read again next. I entered story search and no surprise found it by the same author. Such a great writer. Thank You author,
Johnny
I’m a fifty year old father to a wonderful grown daughter, and a fine Marine son. I work for a living, I’ll never be extracted from a hot LZ. But I pray that as a father, if the situation was dire I would make such a selfless courageous decision. Inspirational and aspirational stories hopefully cause us to recognize our everyday chances to be the Good Samaritan, to love our neighbor as ourself, to point the way to the One who showed there is no greater love. Most of us won’t come within feet, or inches, of death while saving an innocent infant. But we can help feed the hungry, clothe the needy, and to be a blessing, not a burden to those around us. This story made me examine my life, and realize I must do better.
Thank you.
Love can survive in the harshes atmosphere. Soon as you think the flame of love is about to flicker another episode or condition gives it a roaring nudge to make the flame into an unextinguishsble conflagration that can put love soaring like an eagle into a firmament as alive as the sun. You have a beautiful story! Controlled to emphasize the surprise that lurk on the twist and turn of the narration. Give us some more. Thank you so much.
What a warm and real like story. You are a fabulous story teller. Thank you!
Rarely have I cryed reading a story. This ole Nam vet was a crew cheif / doorgunner. I know about firerfights and not leaving anyone behind. For me this was hard to read, but I couldn't put it down until I finished it. I was so joping for more!
All of us joined for a purpose...sometimes it was defined in combat or years later helping others who served....sometimes both. We will never meet but you sir or madam are an amazing story teller. Keep up the good work.