All Comments on 'Saved by Merrill'

I made it half way through. I played Dragon Age, The Dalish would have fucked his shirt up if the bandits didn't. That said, if this is your first attempt, please pay more attention to character development and plot. You can see the character in your mind, but unless you put them down in writing we are left with a blank spot. There are quite a few misspellings, but all in all not horrid, just needs more substance and a decent editor.

The thing that jumps out at me is that you keep jumping between first person (I) and third person (he).

I don't know anything about the background you're using for your story, so I'm reading as an interested viewer. What I'd suggest is that you get yourself an editor - there are people here on Literotica who'll help with that side of things - and also use both a spell and a grammar checker before offering your story to the editor. The grammar checker will be worth more than the spell checker, but they'll both pick up things you'll never notice yourself in a million years!

Above all, please treat the constructive criticism as exactly that, intended to help you improve; ignore any abusive comments; and don't let yourself be put off by the fact that you're unlikely to get much feedback at all - that is, unfortunately, just how things are here.

...ôr a proofreader at the very least. As has already been mentioned, you keep jumping back and forth between first person POV ("I said/heard/saw such-and-such") and third person POV ("HE said/heard/saw such-and-such"), but you also keep jumping back and forth between Past Tense (It WAS this-or-that") and Present Tense ("It IS this-or-that"). This confuses your reader - not a good thing.