Saying Stay Ch. 03

"Oh? What did I miss?"

I didn't want to respond to his coy voice, didn't want to identify my desire. Somewhere in my mind there was a difference between a guy jacking you off in the shower and asking a guy to jackk you off in the shower. As much as I begrudged Simon for his advances, it was much easier going along with him than vocalizing the desires I had a hard time admitting to myself.

"Well, I can't help you out if you don't tell me what I missed."

I couldn't say it. I just couldn't.

"Is it your cock?" Simon was hard against me now. I could feel it.

I nodded, slowly but unmistakably.

"Well why didn't you say so? We've got to keep that clean." The first few strokes were with the addition of soap, actually cleaning the foul-smelling organ. But that pretence could only last so long. The soap fell away into the warm water and then there was just me and the guy who was briskly stroking my cock.

It was an exhilarating sensation, the kind of quick and dirty pleasure that was utterly addictive. Simon's grip was different than mind, but he seemed like he had the same experience with stroking my cock (or at least a cock), and his devotion to onanism was paying off with incredible sensations. Of course, this was so much more than masturbation, with the independent hand and the feel of another man at my back constantly surprising me. And when Simon pinched the head of my cock between his fingers ... I almost came right there.

For the moment, my anxieties about my sexualities were banished, and I was a creature of sensation alone. The water made Simon's increasingly agressive strokes a little uncomfortable, but it was that slight amount of pain that seemed to multiply the pleasure. He leaned into me closer, somehow still supporting my weight, and licked the side of my neck.

That was it. I shuddered as cum spurted out of my cock, landing in white streaks across the wall of the shower. Simon kept slowly milking it as it deflated, drawing out every ounce of pearly white juice he could. He then held out his hand palm-up, as if making an offering to the carnal gods, and watched my cum dissolve and race into the shower drain.

We were all over each other as we staggered out of the shower. Orgasm hadn't dimmed my fervour, although I was starting to feel those old anxieties beating at the walls again. I pressed my body against Simon as we kissed, and it was as though our forms were meant to be together, the grooves of our chests falling into complete alignment, our cocks almost intertwining. He tasted good -- wet and juicy, like summer fruit. I separated him briefly, and almost fell, but Simon caught me by the arm and pulled me back up. I felt a twinge of pain in my ankle, and was sure that Josh would be scolding me later, but at the moment I didn't care.

We stumbled back into my bedroom, and he guided me back to my bad. And there we were again, minus the clothes, leaving a dripping trail all across my room. Our bodies were wet and slippery as we grappled on the bed. I was going to do it, I realized. I was going to have sex with another man.

No, not just some abstract other man. Simon, this gorgeous young specimen that I felt privileged to have my hands on.

I found myself kissing my way down his torso, flicking my tongue into his belly button. It was like with a girl, save for the breasts. And then I reached the major difference.

Simon's cock stood erect inches from my face. It shouldn't be a big deal, I knew. I should just stick it in my mouth. By logical standards, I was definitely past the point of stringent heterosexuality. But the cock loomed enormous and unappetizing in front of me. And then suddenly the doubts crashed through the mental walls built up by Simon's touch, and this other man's penis was revolting.

I tried to rally myself around, but my previous state of mind was gone, and I was now finding even Simon's earlier attentions disquieting. He was looking down at me, my head hanging still between his legs, his anticipation slowly transforming to confusion, and then to disappointment.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I can't. I just ... I can't."

Simon drew up his feet and sat cross-legged on the bed. "It's okay." His cock throbbed insistently, but he was doing his best to be understanding. "We can take it slow."

I stared intently at the bedspread. "You must think I'm so selfish right now."

"I don't. I think you're trying hard to get over something, and right now you haven't done it yet, but you're working on it ... and when you get past that wall, I'll be on the other side waiting for you."

imon redressed both of us and left, giving me a pat on the shoulder and telling me to get better soon. My ankle, which I had been more or less ignoring in all the confusion, was throbbing hard and recriminating me for my reckless activity. I wasn't sure what I had been thinking. I mean, I was straight. I had always been straight. It wasn't that I had anything against gay people, I just hadn't even thought about being one of them.

In other words, I was a confused, pained, and generally miserable form laying prone on my bed for a good long while.

---

Once again, the Internet's seemingly endless wonders had been exhausted, and I found myself watching once-funny YouTube videos for the tenth time in a row. If there was a hell, then I was certainly going to it, and I was afraid it might look a bit like this -- boredom, malaise, but nowhere to go and no way to go there. Or maybe that would just be purgatory.

I mentioned the boredom once in an off-hand conversation with Padma, and the last thing I knew Josh was barging into my room, with a big flatscreen TV cradled in his arms. "Hey man. I heard you were going stir-crazy in here, so I thought I would set up my entertainment centre in here."

I've never liked people who called their TV-setup an "entertainment centre", but I wasn't about to split hairs here. At this point, any kind of amusement was like water in the desert. "You don't have to do all this," I said, hoping that he would be unconvinced.

"Nah, this is nothing," said Josh. "Hang on, I'm gonna grab some games. I'll get you set up on some Mass Effect and you won't be moving from here even after your leg gets better."

A minute later Josh came back in carrying his Xbox, a tangle of cords hanging off the back and a small stack of games perched precariously on the top of the console. I felt a little bad watching him labour without helping, but my ankle felt like lead at this point.

"I will warn you," said Josh. "I'm gonna be in here watching the UFC special on this thing tonight. Other than that, it's all yours."

"Is this the only TV in here?"

"Yeah, I own it from my last place," said Josh. "Julia doesn't want the idiot box in the house, but don't think I don't hear her watching Mad Men on the computer in her room. And then there's her whole porno thing, which is apparently less uncouth than watching a TV show. It actually works out pretty well for me ... anytime someone wants to watch something, they have to barter with me. I haven't done dishes in months."

"And now you're giving me this power?" I said.

"Ah, but with great power comes great responsibility. Do you accept a handjob from Dawn for letting her watch Real Housewives of Wherever, knowing that it'll torture you later? What happens when Simon and Padma both want the TV at the same time? These are the dilemmas that are gonna torment you."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You should be thanking me for taking it off your hands."

"Let's not get carried away here."

I paused. As much as I liked joking around with Josh, there was a four-hundred-pound elephant in the room dressed in leather. "Um," I said softly. "Can I ask you about something "

"Is it the dom/sub thing?" he said, without even looking up from the tangle of wires he was trying to thread through to their appropriate mates.

"Yeah ... your relationship with Dawn. It's not ... it's like, I'm okay with it, I just don't get it. I never imagined a guy like you enjoying being abused and ordered around." After I said it I held in my breath and hoped fervently I hadn't offended him.

Josh grinned just a little bit. "I don't get it either."

"Huh "

"It's like ... I guess if you want to play shrink you can come up with all kinds of reasons for why I like being Dawn's sub. Like, Julia says to me that since I'm such a brute in real life I enjoy having that power taken away ... although I dunno if I'm really a brute. Maybe it has something to do with my mother. But I don't worry myself about shit like that. I mean, having Dawn call me scum and whip me is hot as hell, and I don't know why and I don't really care. You can really freak yourself out worrying why you are who you are."

He said all of this casually, without the confessional pretensions that Julia had when she was talking about her sexuality. I wasn't sure how to respond. "I guess so. Is it just with Dawn?"

"Well, Padma doesn't want to touch me, Jules does but doesn't like to admit it, and Ellie's too sweet and wholesome to hold a flogger. So right now it's just a thing between me and Dawn." Josh finished shoving all of the pins and other metal attachments into the right sockets and triumphantly turned on the TV. The bright blue screen made him frown. He quickly turned it off and went back to fumbling with the cords.

"I mean, were there girls before her? Doms, I mean." I was still getting used to all the strange terminology these people used.

Josh cast me an askew glance over his shoulder. "What is this, the porno interview?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm just ... curious, you know. But you don't have to answer. We can talk about sports or games or whatever you want."

"Nah, I just find it kind of funny. Maybe you want to get in on this."

I actually gave it some consideration. I didn't think I would like being dominated -- or doing the dominating -- but then again, I was discovering new vistas of my sexuality all the time. The shower encounter with Simon had certainly demonstrated that. Maybe, in the heat of the moment, I would find a taste for black leather after all.

"Like I said. I'm just curious."

"Well, tell you what," said Josh. "Dawn's been wanting to work you into a scene with us, and I think your curiosity will be satisfied a lot more if you get to see it up close and personal. You mind if we stop by a little later on?"

"You already did."

Josh whacked the top of the television set, as if hoping to abuse it into working. "That was just a visit. This would be more like ... playtime."

"Uh huh. Mind getting more specific?" I said. It wasn't that a little curious -- hell, I was a lot curious -- but I didn't want to end up in a gimp suit.

"Kind of a cuckold scenario, I guess," said Josh. "You would be the other man. I would take most of the punishment -- all you really need to do is fuck Dawn, and I know for a fact you like doing that."

"How could you be a cuckold? Isn't it like, free love around here?"

Josh finally gave the television set enough smacks in the right place to get it working. A crystal-clear image of some dumb manly man show popped in. "Success! And I dunno. It's like, sometimes it's hot to pretend things, even if it wouldn't be hot to live things."

"You know Josh," I said. "I used to think you were a big jock that was just here for the sex. But you're a bit deeper than I realized."

He shrugged. "Nah, I'm still a dumb jock here for sex. Liking weird sex doesn't make you any more complex or whatever. But don't tell that to Julia, okay?" Josh turned his head to the TV. "Aw sweet, I love this show. There's a clip of a guy getting his head blown off -- just wait a minute, they'll show it at the end..."

And that's how I spent a very pleasant afternoon with someone I wouldn't have given the time of day a month before. Josh wasn't really a secret genius, but I thought there was something to admire in him -- the brazen brute desire, the simplicity and the honesty. Even with my recent scarring sports experience, I was beginning to wonder if maybe the jocks didn't have it figured out after all.

Oh, and I agreed to his and Dawn's "scene". I figured that, if nothing else, it would be an experience.

---

A few days later, I was able to tentatively walk again, although my injured ankle was still encased in some kind of strange sock-brace, and Josh instructed me to take it easy. I used that as an excuse to continue my reclusive and frankly lazy lifestyle. One couldn't pound the pavement in that condition, after all.

I had almost forgotten about agreeing to be a part of Dawn and Josh's fantasy, when they came into my room one evening, much the same as they had entered that strange time before. Josh was now clothed, in a polo shirt and jeans (although he still had a black collar around his neck), while Dawn was back in the black leather corset. My throat dried as soon as I saw her. She looked like she might burst out of it at any moment, the way it clung tightly to her torso while leaving her delicious limbs exposed.

"I have decided," said Dawn. "That Joshua has not been punished enough for the grievous harm he has done you. Isn't that right?"

"Yes, ma'am." Josh got down on his knees by my bedside. "I am so sorry, Mike."

Dawn produced a thin but stiff leather strap from the valley of her cleavage. Almost experimentally, she snapped it through the air, producing a shockingly loud crack. She ran the edge of the strap along Josh's back. "From now on, you will address Michael as Sir. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," said Josh. He bowed his head down even lower. "I apologize, Sir."

"Well, apologies are all well and good." Dawn was bouncing the end of the strap in her hand in a way that made me a little scared. "But we're talking about punishment here. You can be as sorry as you want ... doesn't mean we can't make you sorrier."

Dawn paced around the room, a completely uncharacteristic air of menace coming off her. It was as if some demonic spirit had possessed the usually bubbly girl. I was starting to wonder if maybe I should back out, if this might be one step too far out of my comfort zone. "Now, boy ... what am I going to do with you? I've already given you some beatings, but I'm not sure you learned your lesson. In fact, I'm beginning to suspect you even enjoy the beatings, being the little man-whore that you are." She scoffed a bit under her breath.

She sat down next to me, and ran her hand along the length of my leg, as though she was evaluating a piece of furniture for sale. We all knew what was coming next, but Dawn was making it seem spontaneous, and I even almost bought into it. "I have an idea. What if you had to watch as your precious treat -- your lovely mistress -- got fucked by this stud in front of you? If Michael made me come and come, and you just had to sit there, and watch, realizing slowly how much more of a man he is than you? Would you like that, Joshua?"

"No, ma'am," came the obedient answer. I assumed that Joshua was still there on the floor, but all my attention was taken up by Dawn and her imminent, leather-clad body, constantly creeping closer to me.

"Well then," said Dawn, nuzzling at my neck. She had done a lot more before, but suddenly I felt vulnerable in a way I hadn't during my previous encounters. Every ounce of brain power I had was focused on that tiny patch of air between her lips and my skin. "That would make it a good punishment, wouldn't it?"

"What?" I had completely lost the plot here.

Dawn threw her legs over my torso and straddled me. My overhead light gleamed off her leather outfit enticingly. She felt strangely smooth and even as she ground herself against me. "Joshua, boy, find a seat will you? And pay close attention. It would do you good to see how a real man makes love. And if you look away for a second, or start to touch yourself ... well, you'll regret it." There was a hammy, theatrical cant to this persona, and in a detached part of my mind that didn't quite realize there was a girl squirming on top of me, I thought it might be fun to play such a character.

"Yes, ma'am." Josh stood up and walked over to my computer chair, where he sat down firmly. His awkward gait and the distinct tent in his pants betrayed his arousal. His presence weirded me out a bit, but there was a kind of nervous erotic energy inside that anxiety. It felt a bit like when I was with Simon earlier.

Of course, Dawn was taking up most of my attention. She swayed on top of my body, our clothed groins rubbing together, and her black-clad tits jiggling back and forth. Then she swooped down and kissed me hotly. There was a kind of desperate arousal to her motions, as her tongue instantly shot into her mouth, and I followed suit. Our bodies rubbed spastically against each other. For a long moment there was no weirdness, because there was nothing outside our tongues endlessly exploring each other, our bodies contorting to take each other in, and the light touch of her hair, down loose for once, touching in a ring around my face.

Dawn broke away from me to take a big breath. "Phew. Hold on big boy, we're just getting started."

"If memory serves, you're the one who needs to hold on," I said, running a hand along her leather-clad ass. The black material was hot to the touch.

I sat up to discard my shirt, and it was then that I saw Josh again, silent and stiff as a board. Dawn leaned into me and nibbled at my shoulder, but I knew she was constantly performing for him. I went to undo her corset, but couldn't make much sense of all the strings and ties, so I just set back and let her lick her way down my chest, leaving a number of kisses on my nipples. Dawn knew how to reward every part of my body, not just the obvious ones, delightfully massaging my arms and stomach with her spare hands.

"Now," said Dawn. "Why don't we show the boy here what a real man's cock looks like?"

The nerves returned again, but I wasn't stopping. It was foolish, I thought, to think that Josh would be evaluating me and scoffing at my dick ... but I suddenly realized that I had become as much a part of this performance as Dawn was. "I ... I think that would be a good idea."

I swear that Dawn deliberately fumbled with my fly, teasing my now fully-erect cock with the promise of release. Finally, she had it open and peeled off my jeans, taking care with my wrapped ankle. Dawn paused to theatrically lick her lips at my tented boxers before tugging them down and letting my cock snap free.

"Now there's a real cock for you," I said as my member stood straight up. I was looking right at Josh and trying to find the right words, the kind of words Dawn had been saying. "I'm sure it, uh ... puts this little boy's pea-shooter to shame." It sounded awkward on my tongue, and I had a hard time not bursting out laughing, but Dawn and Josh seemed to take it perfectly seriously -- at least if the strain on Josh's face was any indication.

"It certainly does," said Dawn as she nuzzled up against my erection. The warm touch of her cheek against my cockskin practically made me jump. And when she licked her way up to the top, then swallowed me deep into her mouth ... well, no matter how many times we did it, I was sure that sensation would never stop being startlingly wonderful.

Dawn moved to the side so that Josh could get a full view of us, and then started sucking me off with gusto. Her hair formed a black curtain that stopped me from really seeing what she was doing, which just made the sensations more intense, her sudden bursts of movement and slow, teeth-scraping sucks taking me by surprise. Her tongue was all over my cock, coating it in a thick layer of warm saliva that ran down my cock and pooled at its base.

She had a weird way of making me feel like giving head was an ecstatic gustatory sensation for her, the way she kept eagerly bobbing up and down on my cock as if she was mainlining some kind of strange drug she couldn't get enough of. She turned her head and captured the head of my cock sideways in her mouth, a strange but not unpleasant sensations. I couldn't see for sure but I knew that Dawn was glaring at Josh, taunting him with her eyes over the oral treatment he couldn't have.