Saying Stay Ch. 04

It seemed to keep going on, and I wondered what on Earth they could be talking about. I was distracted by a petite girl in a leather collar and not much else tapping me on the elbow.

"Excuse me, sir," she said. "My master asks if you would like to play."

She was cute, and if I was feeling more adventurous and less concerned I might have said yes. "Sorry, not right now."

"I understand," she said, practically bowing to me. "Sorry for disturbing you." I still didn't know how people could behave like that, but I guess I could understand the attraction from the dominant partner's perspective. When I turned back around, Dawn was heading towards me, weaving through the crowd with drinks in hand.

"Hey," I said. "I see you got cornered by the ogre up there."

"She's not that bad," Dawn said. "Anyway, she was saying -- well, Alexis runs a gay bookstore over in Kensington. It's an attic, but it's a well-established attic. Well, she needs a new cashier, and she wanted it to be me -- she has this monster crush on me -- but I said that you would probably be better at it, since you're all smart and bookish and shit. It took a little convincing, but long story short you're starting on Monday."

"Wait, really? You got me a job?"

Dawn nodded, a bit morosely, and I knew something was wrong. "Yeah. It's only part time, but it should be enough for your share of the bills. Anyway, I need to -- I'm gonna go upstairs with her. You gonna be all right on your own down here?"

"Hold on," I said. "I thought you said that she was -- you know, that I shouldn't do anything with her."

Dawn said nothing.

"Hold on a sec. Is this, like, some kind of deal?" My stomach turned.

"Not in so many words," she said. "I mean, even Alexis isn't that crude. But... it was kind of understood. I don't wanna piss her off. And she's really hot for me."

"Listen, Dawn," I said. "I don't want you getting yourself in danger for me, and I sure as fuck don't want you whoring yourself out for me."

"Don't call me a whore."

"That's not what I--"

"It'll be fine. Half an hour and it'll be done. I've done worse for less."

Dawn leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I tried to give her a hug -- whether to reassure her or hold her in place, I didn't know -- but she shrugged my arms aside and went over to Alexis, putting on a big Pan-Am smile. Alexis grabbed her firmly by the arm and tugged her upstairs. The two women vanished from my viewpoint, leaving me alone in a room full of strangeness.

Half an hour later, she still hadn't come down, and I was the only unhappy man at the sex party.

--

Saturday, June 9 - 2:01 AM

Afterwards, in bed with Dawn, I wondered as to why she had been so insistent about sex with me afterwards. Maybe she needed something loving with me for comfort, or maybe she just always buried her sadness under carnality. Before we did it she had vanished into the bathroom with a few lip-gloss bottles of strange powders I assumed were drugs. Maybe that would explain why she was so responsive under me, mewling nymphomatically at every touch, or why the conversation afterwards got so abstract.

After our second go-round, she started in again. "Is there a philosopher of hedonism?"

"Huh? Oh, sure. You can go back to the Greeks where you have Democritus and to an extent Epicurus, or the Cyreniacs, or I think some ancient Chinese guys. But I'm not sure anyone seriously considers it any more." There was some name tickling the back of my brain, but I think I had only heard it in passing, and I was not really at peak mental capacity now.

"Well, why not now?" Dawn said. "There's so much pleasure to be had today."

"I guess," I said. Once again, I was in no shape for ethical debates, but sex only seemed to energize instead of exhaust Dawn.

"I think that's my philosophy," she said. "Just focusing on the sensations of the body at that moment -- that's the closest thing to truth there is. Feeling good right now -- everything else is bullshit."

"You chose to feel bad today for a larger goal," I said. "That's not a very hedonistic thing to do."

Dawn paused to consider it for a moment. "I guess that's true. That's why I'm a lousy philosopher. So, you up for round three?"