Sea Goblins

I was surprised at his insight. I blushed and muttered that I was sorry if I'd given him that impression.

'No, no, you were right,' he said. 'Michael and I used to be really close friends. Then, after he started having issues and he dropped out of high school, we grew apart. There were a few years that we didn't see each other. I wish I'd put in the effort, but sometimes... hell, even now... it's hard to spend too much time around him. I know he struggles and fuck, what I'm about to say is so selfish, but he drains me. I never know what to say.'

I couldn't hide my confusion or shock, but this time Alex misinterpreted my reaction.

'You probably think I'm a cunt,' he acknowledged. 'You can cope with him, while I can't. I should do better. I'll make more of an effort. He's still a great guy. If you can wade through the darkness, he's one of the most genuine people you'll ever know.'

'He's really nice,' I agreed.

'Yeah, he is. I wish things had turned out better for him.' Alex said. He was about to say more, but his phone began to ring. He checked the screen. 'That's my girlfriend. I better be off. As I said; it was nice to meet you, and thanks for bringing my phone back.'

'Sure, no worries,' I agreed.

Alex barely heard my response. He'd already answered the phone and was talking to his partner.

I made my way back to the boat. Michael hadn't ever mentioned dropping out of high school, and if he dropped out of high school, it was highly unlikely he'd gone to university, wasn't it? Which meant that he'd lied to my father and I. He'd specifically told my father he'd graduated, and he'd told me the boat was a graduation present.

Michael was surprised to see me back so soon.

'He'd gone to the bathroom on the way out,' I said. 'I gave him his phone.'

'That's convenient,' he said, helping me aboard. 'Ready to go out?'

'No. Not yet,' I said. I was trembling. I was nervous, but also quite angry. Why had he lied to me? It wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't gone to university. 'Why didn't you tell me you dropped out of high school?'

Michael turned away. 'Why did Alex tell you that?'

'We were just chatting. He said you two used to be close until you dropped out of school.'

'What else did he tell you?'

'Nothing,' I lied. There was no way for me to tell him that he wore Alex down, without it hurting his feelings. 'It was just a run of the mill comment. I just thought it was surprising, because you told my father and I you went to university, and now I'm starting to wonder if you were lying.'

Michael started the boat. 'I was lying,' he said flatly. 'I didn't go.'

It was the answer I'd been expecting, but it still dumbfounded me.

'Why would you lie?' I asked.

'Because I liked you, and I wanted to take you out to dinner,' he said shortly. 'And I knew that if I said I was a high school drop-out, your father would hate me even more than he does now.'

'And your parents are going to be thrilled to find out I'm trans?' I challenged.

'You weren't put on the spot.'

'You could have at least told me the truth, so I could have told Dad,' I argued. 'You told me this boat was a graduation present.'

Michael didn't respond.

'Fuck you,' I exclaimed, frustrated. 'You didn't have to lie to me. I trusted you.'

'And If I'd told you the truth, you never would have gone out to dinner with me.'

'Bullshit,' I replied honestly. 'That's complete bullshit.'

Michael steered the boat around a buoy. 'The world is made up of lies and hope. It's the foundation upon which we live our lives.'

'Well I'd appreciate it if you cut out the lying and stick to the hope,' I snapped. 'I'm going to read my book.'

I went back to the cabin and opened a new novel. I couldn't concentrate. I felt faintly nauseous. I'd taken everything he'd told me at face value. What did this mean for us? Were there more lies? Did his mother really know who I was, or had Michael just told her I was a friend?

After half an hour, Michael came in and lay on the bed behind me. He hugged me and kissed my neck.

'I'm sorry,' he apologised.

Until that moment, I'd never understood why women forgave men. Me, I'd always taken these incidents as an excuse to dump a man who was already annoying me on several other levels. But Michael was different. I loved him and I wanted this to work. And how much of a lie was it, really? It wasn't one he'd made up to impress me, just one he'd told to deflect my father's criticism.

'It's okay,' I replied gruffly. I rolled over and buried my face in his neck. 'I love you.'

'I love you, too.'

We lay there for a while, cuddling each other, before he divested us each of our clothing. Then he made love to me, slow, sweet, sensual sex that was designed to heal our wounds.

I could no longer imagine a life without him in it. I found myself wondering how many lies I'd be prepared to forgive.

~~~~~~~~~

It was a hot week. Christmas was now just a month away. My mother's work was stupidly busy as everyone cashed in whatever scrap metal they had lying around the house to help fund the silly season, and my father was in a vile mood as temperatures soared and the workshop in which he spent his days slowly baked the steelworkers from the inside out.

I probably shouldn't have invited Michael around, but he and I had been checking out apartments online and I wanted to show him one at Scarborough that I liked. It would be near to his parents - who I still hadn't met - and the marina, as well as being an easy commute to work for each of us.

Michael came straight from work. He was in dress pants and a business shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His tie was nowhere to be seen, and his curly hair was sticking to his hairline.

'Hi Dave,' he greeted my father. 'Hell of a day, isn't it? I had to see a client on site and nearly died.'

'You nearly died? How d'you reckon your brickies are faring in this weather, earning a quarter of what you do while killing their backs and knees?' Dad responded irritably.

Until that point, I'd always interpreted my father's questions and comments directed at Michael as being rooted in a desire to look out for my interests, but there was no mistaking the tone in his voice, nor the sneer on his face.

I grabbed Michael's arm and pulled him down to my room.

'Where are you two going?' Dad demanded.

'We're going to look at an apartment,' I said.

He snorted.

'Dad!' I protested. 'We are looking. We'll be out of your hair before you know it.'

'Right.' Dad turned around and glared at Michael while he directed a question at me. 'So you're telling me he's taken you home to meet Mum and Dad, are you?'

'Not as yet,' I replied.

Dad snorted. 'A hundred bucks says you don't rate a mention anywhere on his Facebook page, Katie,' he said.

'That's not true,' Michael protested. He reached for his phone and opened up the Facebook app. He scrolled through as he walked towards my father. 'Here. I put a video up of Katie filleting a fish.'

My father took the phone. Michael and I stood behind the couch, watching over his shoulder. The caption was 'Katie's getting the hang of this!', and the video was a short clip of me in shorts and an old shirt attempting to fillet a bream.

The three of us observed my amateur attempts. It was pretty clear that I liked the man behind the camera, because I kept looking up and smiling at him, and he kept giving me advice and encouraging me. At the end I asked 'does that deserve a kiss?' and he laughed and said 'yeah, as many as you're willing to let me give you', and then the screen and sound cut out.

It was concrete evidence that he wasn't hiding his relationship, and I think that annoyed Dad. He scrolled down to read the comments, but when Michael realised what he was doing, he asked for his phone back.

'In a minute,' Dad said, his eyes scanning the feedback. 'What does it mean by 'Michael, have you told her yet, buddy?''

'It's probably a joke,' Michael said, grabbing the phone. 'Why are you always having a go at me? Why are you immediately suspicious of me?'

'I was right about you not having a degree, wasn't I?' Dad pointed out.

Michael's looked to me resentfully. I hadn't told him I'd admitted to Dad that he'd dropped out of high school and had never set foot in a university.

'I'll be off,' my boyfriend said. 'I'm not really in a good headspace for this tonight.'

My father didn't argue as Michael headed to the door. I glared at Dad, then darted after my lover. He was moving quickly, heading to his car as fast as he could.

I felt bad for him, angry at Dad, and frustrated that the two just couldn't get along. I'd had far worse lovers than Michael, and Dad had been a hell of a lot nicer to them. Friendly, even. He may not have been out and out rude to Michael before tonight, but on reflection, he could certainly have put in a bit more effort.

Michael unlocked his car and went to open the driver side door.

'Don't go,' I called out.

He stopped dead still. He didn't move for a few seconds, but then he blinked and stared at me.

'Katie,' he said simply.

'I'm sorry,' I apologised, rushing over. I grabbed his hand. 'I'm really sorry. I should have told you I told him you didn't go to university. Please don't just run out the door. I'll get an overnight bag. We can book a hotel for the night, somewhere with icy cold air con and a soft bed.'

He shook his head. 'I can't. I really just need some alone time. I'm sorry.'

'Are you mad?'

'No, no, no,' he assured me, but his voice was distant and mentally he was in another place. He kissed my forehead. 'I'll call you tomorrow.'

'Okay,' I said weakly. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

I watched him drive off. When his car had disappeared, I went back inside. I was absolutely fuming mad with my father, and I didn't care how much he yelled at me, I was going to make damn sure he knew exactly how I felt.

'Dad,' I yelled, walking inside. 'What the fuck was that about?'

'It was about me being tired of him being a smart arse,' Dad said. 'Stop yelling. I'm two metres away from you.'

I lowered my voice. 'He's not a smart arse.'

'Bullshit. The first words out of his pansy little white collar mouth were about the weather. The little fuck spends his day working indoors.'

'He was being polite,' I argued.

'Right,' Dad snorted. 'Polite.'

I crossed my hands over my chest. 'Why do you hate him?' I demanded.

'Because I don't trust him further than I can throw him. Did you see how he avoided my comment about the 'have you told her' comment? Something's up, Katie. He's hiding something. I thought he wasn't taking you to meet the folks because you're trans, but I'm starting to think that was wrong. My gut feeling is that he's keeping you away because he's got secrets he doesn't want you to know. An ex-wife, or a child, or some time spent in jail.'

I laughed with disbelief. 'You really have a fertile imagination, you know that?'

Dad stood up. He met my gaze. 'You know what I think, Katie? I think he's trying to trap you. He's showering you with gifts and taking you out to fancy restaurants. He's going on holidays with you. He's searching for a rental apartment. Once you're in his net, then he'll take you to meet his parents, and then you'll find out his secrets, only by then it'll be harder for you to escape.'

'That's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard.'

He shook his head. He seemed worried. 'Katie... I know I told you to move out, but please reconsider it. I'll be good to him. Just find out what it is he's hiding.'

'He's not hiding anything,' I said. I was still angry, and even though I knew he was concerned, I felt he was overreacting. 'You'll see. We'll find a place together and there won't be a single problem.'

My father turned away. He was finishing the argument. 'In that case, all I ask is that if you do move in with him, and you ever need to come back home, please call us. We'll never judge you. Never ask questions. Promise me, Katie. Promise me you'll call us if you need help.'

'I promise,' I grudgingly agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~

Michael and I didn't see each other again until we met out the front of the apartment we were due to inspect at ten o'clock Saturday morning. We were both sheepish and apologetic, and after a few awkward kisses, he pulled me into a deep hug. I buried my face in his neck and breathed in his scent. He'd showered recently and he smelt clean and fresh, but he hadn't shaved for a few days and his beard scratched my cheek.

'You look so much older when you don't shave,' I whispered. 'You don't look so baby-faced.'

'Is that good or bad?'

'Neither. It's just an observation.' I traced my finger along his jawline. 'I love you.'

'I love you, too, Katie. I love you more than I could ever tell you.' He kissed the top of my head. 'We should check out this apartment. It might be our first home together.'

'I doubt we'll get it,' I said. 'Everyone else who's here to look at it is older and more well dressed than us. Why would they rent it to two people with no rental history?'

'I don't know, but you never know your luck. C'mon.' He tugged my hand. 'Let's have a look.'

I followed him shyly, my application paperwork clutched in my hand. I felt like an imposter. Was I really ready to be a proper grown up? To buy a kitchen table and lounge room suite, and to make dinner for Michael every night?

It was a nice apartment. Two beds, two baths, two car spaces, and everything shiny and near-new. Some of the other couples who were inspecting it mentioned it was a bit small for the rental price, but I thought it was perfect. I could easily imagine myself here with Michael during the week, and going out on the boat with him on weekends.

My phone buzzed and I checked it. It was Dad.

Don't apply for the property Katie! Ring me. It's urgent.

'Is everything okay?' Michael asked.

I shoved the phone back in my bag. My father was paranoid beyond all measure. 'Sure,' I said. 'Just Dad checking to see what I thought about the apartment.'

Michael leant over and kissed me. 'I love it. Do you?'

I nodded. 'Should we give the estate agent our forms?'

'Yeah, definitely.'

We found the property manager and gave her our paperwork. She asked us for our licenses and asked us about ourselves, and we had a quick chat. She seemed to approve of us, which was good, wasn't it?

Michael and I left and went to his boat. The day was hot and sunny with a mild, cool breeze. I began to feel excited about the apartment, and asked Michael if he thought we had a chance of securing the rental.

'I hope so,' he said. 'I can't wait to live with you.'

'And then you won't need to deal with my Dad,' I acknowledged.

Michael gave me a wry smile. 'I'm sorry about this week, and running off like that. He just got to me. I feel like he's searching for a reason to hate me.'

'He probably is,' I admitted. 'One day he was almost pushing me to find an apartment to rent with you, and the next he was telling me he thinks you have a wife or child hidden away.'

He shook his head. 'No, no to both of those. I did get a girlfriend pregnant once, though. She had an abortion.'

'Whose idea was the abortion?' I asked, curious.

'Both of ours. We'd broken up by the time she found out she was pregnant. She found out pretty quickly and went straight to the doctor. They gave her the tablets to have a medical abortion. It was all over within a few days.'

I was quite jealous of women who could have children. I'd never be able to have an abortion. Motherhood was the one thing that was beyond my reach, and it pained me to realise I'd never have a child.

My phone rang and I saw it was Dad. Michael was on the top bit of the boat, so I went downstairs to answer it.

'What is it?' I asked. 'I'm on the boat with Michael.'

My father hesitated.

'What?' I demanded. I was pretty cranky.

'Did you apply for the apartment?' he asked.

'We did.'

'If they offer it to you 'say no'. I just spoke to Michael's mother. You need to talk to her, Katie.'

'You did what?'

'Katie, don't be angry. Listen to...'

I hung up the phone. Oh my fucking God. He'd rung Michael's mother.

My phone buzzed with a message.

Katie, get off the boat! Get him to bring you home. Please. It's not safe.

I turned my phone off. Fuck him. Seriously, fuck him.

Then his words and text started to sink in. Get off the boat? You're not safe? What the hell was he talking about? Michael wasn't dangerous... was he?

I cautiously crept outside and peered at Michael. He was so sweet to me, wasn't he? He'd never shown a violent streak. Alex certainly hadn't seemed worried about him. And Michael's mum, she'd known I was seeing her son, didn't she? Was she concerned that her son might hurt me? Or was that just Dad?

After a couple of minutes of pondering what to do, I turned my phone back on. I texted my father.

Did you contact Michael's mother, or did she contact you?

Dad responded quickly.

I contacted her. I found her on Facebook. Michael's page might have high privacy settings, but hers doesn't. I sent her a message and told her who I was. She responded this morning and we've just had a chat on the phone. She knew he was seeing someone, but she had no idea he was planning on moving out and she didn't know you two were planning on going on holidays together. Please, Katie, please get off that boat.

'Is everything alright?' Michael asked.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. I dropped my phone. Michael went to pick it up for me, but I snatched it off the floor and locked the screen.

'Sorry,' I said. 'I didn't see you.'

My phone began to ring.

Michael frowned. 'Is something going on?'

'Nothing,' I lied. 'My Dad's just being a pain in the arse.'

My lover licked his bottom lip, then chewed on it. 'He doesn't want you to live with me?'

'No.'

Hurt and resentment creased his face. I can't tell you how I felt. How should one feel, when they have the sinking feeling that their father was correct, and your boyfriend has been lying to you? How does one react when she also has the firm impression that her lover, despite his omissions, does actually love her?

'What do you want?' he asked softly.

'I don't know,' I admitted.

He traced his thumb along my cheek. 'I love you so much, Katie. You don't need to do anything you don't want to.'

I forced a smile. How could I be scared of this man?

'I love you too,' I admitted.

'We'll work it out,' he said. 'We probably won't even get approved for that place, anyway. There were lots of other people looking at it.'

'I know.'

A speedboat went past well above the posted speed limit, sending a series of waves our way. Michael's boat didn't move much in the water. It was a big boat. An expensive boat.

And it was his boat, I had no doubt about that. I'd seen the paperwork a couple of weeks ago, the insurance bits and bobs. The boat was registered and insured in his name.

'Let's go a little further out,' he said suddenly. 'We'll do some fishing together.'

'And we'll check for sea goblins,' I joked weakly.

'I always check for sea goblins.'

Michael took us a bit further out. I sat next to him, sipping on a can of Creaming Soda, and wondering why life had to be so complicated.

I told myself not to dwell on what my father had said. I had to enjoy this weekend with Michael, just in case it was our last. I needed to create some happy memories. I knew it was going to hurt if we split. He'd be hurt, I'd be hurt. Why not give us twenty-four hours of fun and enjoyment before the inevitable?