Season of the Wolf Pt. 01

"One of us, you mean. What happens when a wolf crossbreeds with a dog? You no longer have a dog or a wolf, but something between the two with the best and the worst of both. We tried once, decades ago, out of desperation. Everything was fine and we thought it would work, until their first shift, and then we realized what we had done. The offspring couldn't hold either shape for more than a few moments. Grace, they died, horribly. You can't live with one foot in this world and one in the human world. I think that's what your father was trying to protect you from. He didn't want you to have to choose.

"What we are is so much magic. If you were safe from the magic you'd never know the truth of what you are and you wouldn't have to decide. Your grandfather believed you had the right to chose and your father didn't share that belief."

"No magic no wolf."

"Exactly."

"What about my mother? Was she really shot?"

"Yes."

"By whom?"

"We don't know."

"But, you have a suspicion." I sit at the kitchen table and let my shoulders sag from the weight of all the truths bearing down on them. Han's posture mimics mine. He has carried these burdens for so long. The very future of the pack is on his shoulders and mine. I can see the truth of it on his face. He doesn't want this life for me either. He wants me to know the joy and the freedom of the wolf, but not the cost I have to pay to have it.

"It was the only way Josiah could protect you. He was here when it happened. When your mother was killed. But, I think he had a hand in it."

"What makes you think that?"

"How far would you go to protect your only child, Grace?"

It isn't everyday you learn that you're indirectly responsible for the deaths of three people or that the future of an entire race rests solely on your shoulders. I'm shaken and my head is reeling. I can see why Han kept all of this a secret. I wasn't as ready as I thought for the truth. I say what pops into my head. That, if I'd never been born none of this would have happened and everyone would have been better off without me.

Outside, thunder begins to roll as a storm moves in. The fury of the oncoming storm is nothing compared to Han's rage over what I've said. The floor is a litter of shattered shards of earthenware mug and splatters of tea. He threw his mug with such force there's a gauge in the plaster walls from the impact. The air is tinged with the musk of his wolf. I've pushed too hard, too far and was thoughtless to the implications of my words.

He's right to hate me and in a way that's exactly what I want. It's my fault he killed a man that was like a son to him. It's because of me that he watched the man he possibly loved more than his own father die. Maybe, he didn't want this legacy he was born into, but he stayed put, and that's my fault too. I deserve a portion of Han's suffering. I might not have earned it, but I deserve it just for being born in the first place. It's easier somehow, dealing with his rage than the bitter truth. He loves me, but it may or may not be because of the person I am.

His eyes are burning with barely controlled fury. "After everything I've told you. You still don't understand." Han's words are punctuated and spoken with such force that I feel the sting of them as acutely as if he'd actually struck me with his fist. "Don't you ever say it would have been better if you'd never been born. You," he says, dragging me by the arm out of my chair. "Are the only reason I endured day after day after day one decade to the next. And don't you EVER wish yourself dead when I'm finally getting to know what it feels like to truly be alive...to be human.

"We only get one shot at this and you are mine." Han's hands loosen their hold on my arms and he begins to gently stroke the redness on my skin from the tightness of his grip. "That much of what I am is wolf. I have but one soul mate. One person in the entire world that is absolutely right for me and I've waited so very long for you to finally arrive."

I feel the heat of Han's wolf and it wraps around me as comforting as a soft blanket on a cold winter's night. I know he's right. I feel it too, the inexorable draw of him pulling on the core of my being. I can choose and he's been holding back waiting for me to come to a decision. I close my eyes to avoid the encompassing heat in his stare, but it does no good. The plaster wall is cool against my back. Everything in my life is a conflict of contrasts, woman versus beast, love battling against the animal instinct of lust. The past at war with so many different possible futures, and Han's heat and the cold world beyond this place. I don't know what to do or where to turn. Who else I could run to or from except for the man in front of me?

Our bodies fit together as if they were tailor made for one another. I tilt my head and offer my throat to the wolf. He accepts my invitation, hungrily running his tongue over my bounding pulse. I don't know if this is nature or nurture, but what is happening between us is as unavoidable and essential as our fevered breathing. Han has killed for me. He has sacrificed his entire life for me. This isn't an issue of paying him back. I need him. I've made my choice. And in so many ways, I've waited so very long for him too.

I should run. Get out while I can. But, I don't see that as an option as I break away from Han's embrace and grip his hand leading him up the stairs. He has cared for me. Loved me when I didn't deserve it. I realize ultimately, there was no other choice, but him. I am woman. I am wolf. I am his.

Chapter 37

The past few days have been too much for Grace. She clings to me, showering my jaw with soft kisses and gripping my hand as she leads me up the stairs. I have wanted this for so very long. It doesn't matter that the coming together of our bodies might be nothing more than her way of digesting a lifetime's worth of grief. Grief I, in part, caused. The truth of the things I've confessed hasn't really set in yet. I have no doubt Grace doesn't see me as a hero. In her shallow worldview, I'm nothing but a killer. She logically understands why I've done the things that I did. But, she doesn't truly comprehend what they mean. I've killed for her. I've sacrificed for her. And what we're about to do is the greatest sacrifice yet.

I've waited a lifetime for this, many lifetimes, in fact. So much of me already loves her. She doesn't love me, not yet, and that's the only thing I want. But, the greedier part of me wants Grace to use me even if it is just as her means of dulling the pain I've caused her. I'm willing to sacrifice true love, my soul and my soul mate, everything that I am, for her.

I cup her beautiful face and draw her lips to mine. She tastes both bitter and sweet from the tea. Her scent is a mingling of wolf, wild, and woman. Her hands are clumsy in their urgency, fumbling to release the top button of my jeans. Her fingers brush against my erection and I am almost undone. She wants me to take away her grief. I can't. To her it feels like a betrayal to her foster parents to mourn the mother and father she could have had if things had been different. She mourns her grandfather, but would rather she didn't. These people are embedded into her DNA. They're an inextricable part of her. I sense Grace's confusion in the fervency of her kisses. She knows any hope of the life she might have had is gone. This is her life now. I've done my job and I've done it well.

She isn't in love and it isn't going to be a gentle fall. Grace wouldn't be Grace if she didn't question everything including her emotions. At least, if she ever does say the words "I love you." She'll mean them. I've earned those words from her lips in the sacrifices I've made on her behalf. For now, I'll have to settle for kisses and the feel of her hands on me instead.

It makes me a bigger bastard than I've ever been, but I can smell Grace's fertility mingling with the sweet essence of her desire. The odds are not in my favor that she'll conceive and that's not the only reason I'm so willing to love her pain away, but the misty promise of making a baby is one hell of an incentive. I pin her between the wall and my body. I see the future, my future, in her eyes. She owns me heart, body, and soul. There is not a single moment of my life that I've looked forward to more than this one. "Grace, tell me you want this."

Her eyes open and I can see the desire reflected in their gaze. Her cheeks are stained with a heated flush. Her labored breathing brushes the ripe nipples of her breasts over my chest and I am, condemned from her point of view or not, a gone man. At the sight of her lips swollen from our kisses my wolf tears free. She shivers from the sheer force of him and quivering in my arms mutters a breathless yes.

I waste no time scooping her up into my arms. We're at the beginning of the long hallway. I carry her past her grandfather's room and the bedroom that used to belong to her parents. She sleeps in the bed that I slept in and the bed, old and lumpy as the mattress is, is the perfect place to end one long series of dreams and to begin new ones.

I'm cautious and gentle with her. Slowly stripping her of what few clothes she had on after her shift. Nudity may be a way of life for the pack. We don't ogle one another when the shift comes on us. I've seen plenty of naked women, but never one that I was on the verge of claiming for myself. Her body is lean and athletic, but not without its curves and softer places. She was built for speed and endurance with long legs and narrow hips. Her breasts are small, the peaks ripe and erect. She blushes from the intensity of my inspection and tries to wiggle under the covers. I take the corner of the sheet from her hand and reassure her with a kiss.

Grace isn't a passive woman. That's one of the things I like about her. Though she's awkward and clumsy about it, she wastes no time peeling the clothing from my body too. She isn't as visual as she is tactile and she views me with curious fingertips rather than her eyes. I grit my teeth and give her time to explore the planes of my body. It's killing me and my wolf howls with the need to get inside of this woman. I never knew human flesh could be so sensitive to nothing more than just a touch. But, I'm aching and panting and trying so desperately not to finish before we've begun.

There is no grief or loss in her expression. I've given her pain a temporary respite. I'm glad for that and try to put any thoughts of tomorrow out of my head. It isn't that difficult of a feat to accomplish as her exploration takes a turn and becomes a full onslaught of seduction. The curse words fly from my mouth as she wraps her dainty fist around my aching cock and begins slowly pumping her palm up and down my shaft.

I'm speaking the lost language of my ancestors. I know she doesn't understand a word I say, but English is an inadequate mish mash of vowels and consonants to summarize what I need her to hear. Her wolf will comprehend what her human mind refuses to grasp. And there are some things no matter what language they're spoken in that need no translation. I love her. I want her. I need her. I would die for her. I'd pledge her my heart, but she already holds it in her grasp. I've waited so very long for her to come to me. All these proclamations and so many more are the confession she has extracted from me with nothing more than a touch.

I'm panting and grinding my molars together to keep from spoiling the moment. My wolf is riding me hard to claim our mate and I'm about to lose my hold on him. Gripping her wrist, I still her hand. Grace smiles shyly and coyly at me and replaces the grip of her palm around my cock with her sweet mouth. I dissolve at the first pass of her soft, warm tongue over my ripe head. She could amputate one of my limbs and at this point I'd be too far gone to care. I can feel the magic rising between us, drawing us to one another and holding us there. She is my true mate.

My fingers twisted through her hair aren't enough. I need to feel this woman beneath me, above me, around me. I want to taste and touch, devour her in every way possible. She is my every thought and my reason for being. And my need for her is a palpable living thing. I shift my weight and pin her beneath me. I try so desperately to be careful, but my wolf will have his due. Spreading her thighs wide I dip my tongue as deeply into her sweetness as possible and groan from the heady flavor of Grace's arousal.

I bathe in her scent and sate my wolf's instinct. Despite the wildness living inside of me, I am a human being and refuse to do anything other than take my time getting her ready for me.

She is untouched. I dance my fingers around the fragile membrane and burst with masculine pride in the knowledge that I'll be Grace's first and only man. She bucks her hips against the press of my fingers wild and eager to find her release. I let her set the pace and take us wherever this is going to go. Instinctively, she does what comes naturally and wraps her thighs around my shoulders as I sample every inch of her sweetness.

I rub my mouth against the evidence of just how very into this she is and inhale the musky scent of her arousal. I am covered in her scent and my wolf lets out a very satisfied growl that echoes through my chest. Grace's sharp little fingernails score my back and her spine arches. She is pulling at my hair, demanding the heat of my body covering hers. I could spend the rest of my very long life exploring her and plan to, but for now I must take care of business for both of our sakes. I've waited so long and can't wait one more second. Grace is slick and ready for my entry and I'm not certain how much longer she can wait either.

I pause to pay homage to her pert little breasts earning myself a very impatient but pleasured huff from Grace. I chuckle under my breath at the sound of it and cover her body with mine. Her warmth and softness cups my hard cock. With a shift of her hips and the spurring of her sharp nails digging into my skin I pulse forward and join us as one. Grace gasps and suddenly I feel like a selfish bastard for hurting her, but the shock of my invasion quickly fades. She is tight and wet and hot and the friction from the instinctive working of her hips as she chases her orgasm and pushes me to mine is all encompassing.

I wanted a soft, gentle candlelight and romantic moment for her, and my, first time. But, it was raw and instinctive, the crashing of two bodies in pursuit of pleasure, the grappling of desperate hands for grip, and the meeting of mouths, teeth, and tongues starving for a drop of manna in the desert.

I came with her name on my lips. My wolf roared with pride inside of my mind as I filled her with my release. I barely managed to hold back until she reached that point with me. The moment I heard the urgent whisper of my name from her swollen, pretty mouth. It was as if a switch had been flipped and I was able to let go and seek out my pleasure in its entirety in the sweet softness of her body. I tried not to crush her beneath my weight, but if she minded she didn't show it. Hard and eager, I took us back to that place of pleasure a second time and after a short respite, a third.

Grace fell asleep in my arms. I like the protector that I am, stared into the darkness watching the expressions flitter across her face. To me, being here with her was right. This place is exactly where I'm supposed to be. But, I worry that I've pushed too hard too soon and Grace doesn't feel the same way. I'm terrified that in my heady desperation to fulfill our destinies and my own desires that I've put my needs and the needs of the pack over hers and that someday, she'll come to hate me for it.

Chapter 38

At the risk of sounding like a bad cliché, I keep quiet and content myself with soaking up the warmth of Han's body pressed so tightly against mine. I wonder what he's thinking, though I'd never ask. He holds me close and breathes heavily at an even pace, pretending to be asleep. Maybe, he wants to avoid any conversation that might involve anything deep and meaningful. After everything we did and said to each other in the heat of passion. What is there to further discuss?

I'm fulfilled in a way I never thought possible and have not one regret. The sheets are a tangled mess around our intertwined bodies. The soft cotton smells of the musk of sex and the sweat of exertion. I want to run my fingers through his hair and feel the sleekness of the strands in a gesture way too possessive for comfort. I don't know what I might have confessed in the throes of passion and try hard not to think about it. He said enough for both of us and though I couldn't understand the words. I had no difficulty in the translation.

He provided the respite from the storm that I needed. With his body and his lips pressed to mine, it was so easy to let everything go. My confusion. My fears. My limited understanding of things I can barely begin to grasp. Everything seemed so distant when his hands were on me and he was buried so deeply inside, joining us together at the very core.

I'm terrified of what I am and the woman I'm about to become. And that's on me, not him. I understand the necessary cruelty of his world, but what does that say about me? Less than a month ago I was completely human as far as I knew, an outcast, sure, but nonetheless, a member of the human race. In my world Han would be in prison for murder, but in his world what he did is simply a matter of survival. I don't even know if he realizes it or not, but I do know the difference between the two.

I don't hate Han for what he did. I don't hate my parents for trying to protect me from this world or my grandfather either, for trying to drag me into it. I'm saddened by the limitedness of the choices they had set before them. But, that isn't anybody's fault. Maybe, the pack can't survive out there. No matter how desperately they try to adapt. Natural wolves are an endangered species and it seems, so are we.

Even with Han in my bed and surrounded by pack, I feel more alone than I've ever felt in my life. There are less than three-dozen of us and over six billion of them, and every one of us fighting for just a tiny space on a very big planet. It's just a matter of time before whatever foothold we have disappears. It makes sense in a way that Han would do whatever it takes to hang on to what little remains of his family. I have a limitless future ahead of me. But, I get it, no matter what I choose. I'm only staving off the inevitable. My father understood that and was trying to spare me from the burden of it.

Han is a bright guy and I know he's already done the math. He knows, but isn't willing to face it. Our demise is just a mathematical certainty. I'm nobody's hope. I'm nothing more than a patch on a cracked dam holding back an ocean. I could have a hundred babies and it wouldn't make a difference.

I've already pushed the moral envelope by bedding Han. His ancestor, our ancestor, I remind myself, and my grandfather share the same father. The family line is dying out simply because there aren't enough of us distantly related enough to start new branches of the tree. My biological parents must have come to that same realization. Maybe, my mother wasn't running from anything, but to. Maybe my father was protecting me, not from this pack, but from another. It would make sense. I don't care what Han says. We can't be the only ones out there.

Genetically, it's safe enough for Han and I to start a family. We're distantly related with our branches on the tree far enough apart. He says he's loved me since before I was born and perhaps that's nature or nurture or both. The pack calls me Winona and Han Winono. He says that means firstborn daughter and son. My parents didn't marry for love. They married out of a sense of duty to the pack and with them in their graves. The duty falls on us.