by msnomer68
I slugged through the first part of this story and found it very interesting but is just seemed to be going around and around the same things time after time. Hoping against hope, I started the second part, but alas, nothing has changed, still going around in circles. Sorry but I don't believe I can invest enough time into such a long drawn out story when it keeps repeating itself to make it worth while reading. RIP Wolf.
I really like the story. It’s held my interest and I appreciate that. One inconsistency that’s got me a little confused though—in the first part, Grace got zero cell service to call her friend from Indiana, but here when she’s looking for Christine and Rod, she gets their voicemail and she doesn’t leave a message. Same when she first leaves Indiana—she supposedly has a million messages from Han but she couldn’t find any phone at all in the house.
Although the plot line is following a little too closely to Twighlight for my tastes.
A glaring continuity problem I'm sorry to point out. In the beginning of this part, Coyote told Grace that he had served two tours in Vietnam and it was Grace's father who helped him pull himself together after he came back. Then Han selects Coyote to take and hide Grace because he has never been in a war and therefor his skills would best be used to hide grace.
In various places in the story (which is great by the way!) you have used: scrabble, scrabbling in what I assume should be scramble and scrambling. Checking the spelling in context may help avoid mistakes like this as it does detract from your excellent story.
I am loving this saga! You paint a great mind visual as I read. Thank you!
I read both of your stories from start to finish. I love the world that you have created with your charters and how well it blends in with our own. It is very easy to loose yourself in this amazing story! I cannot wait for the next installment.
From a story perspective, this is complex and gripping, and the close of part 2 brings me to tears. I am waiting for the next installment, and wanting it yesterday.
From a technical perspective, your sentence structure needs a lot of work. You are using qualifying asides as whole sentences, using periods where there should be commas. The grammar errors interrupt the flow and creates a reading process that feels fragmented.
But from a creative standpoint, your story is fantastic.
...amazing. Thank you for this well-crafted and thought out story. I'm enjoying this ride with you and the way you are telling the tale.