All Comments on 'Seated Ch. 02'

You made this sound more like a cooking recipe, very little interaction and overview scenes.

You're not just a bad writer, you're also a truly lazy writer.

Aside from a dull plot and truly awful spelling, you couldn't even be bothered to check your previous story for the name of the guy chasing the wife. Jesus, now that's lazy.

If you are even thinking about writing again, get an editor.

Plus, who the hell is "Chuck" Your previous story had him as Brad. There are so many errors I'm not even going to start listing. eg Robin's military background changed completely. What about his PHD? Stop: I don't want to know.

don't let assholes stop you from writing.

i think your stories will improve with time.

You need an editor. Your spelling is horrible. You need to learn to develop your characters.

you did nothing to improve your writing. " 3 years now sense we nearly came" is in the last paragraph, but the story is littered with errors of all kinds. Please find an editor.

Most comments from your first chapter suggested that you use an editor to help improve your story but you obviously decided not to follow that advice. Therefore I see no reason why this really poor chapter shouldn't be treated as complete writers rubbish. I'm not sure that there is anything about this chapter that is worthy of any more comment. Pity I can't render a minus score which it deserves, so I won't score it at all. 0 *

I'll be a little kinder than the other readers. I actually thought your story was pretty good, and it had the foundation of a good LW tale. Yes, you're writing needs polish. But it almost seems like you're not proofreading your work. Here's a tip for your next story...When you're done, read the story back to yourself, but out loud. Surely you'll pick up on the misused words. I just think you're rushing it. Hang in there. Keep writing. Your imagination can compensate only so much for poor syntax.

1. Who the fuck is Chuck?

2. Was she cheating with Brad or Bruce or now this Chuck?

3. What kind of drugs are you on to mess up stories with such short length?

I know your handle is Badwriter66, so I gotta ask is all this intentional?

A ton of problems here. Obviously this was not proofread. Name problems, misspellings, etc. A two sentence epilogue at the end of page 2 was the only additional information that mattered. His past history included failed relationships but no consistency in how he handled them nor a showing of growth and escalation to how he handled the new one. Nor was it shown how he became a 18-Wheeler.

You sure picked the right author's name, "badwriter66"!

and the author ignored everyone's advice to get an editor. Worse than part 1.

add bad story teller to the name as well

You don't have to brag about it. Your story hit the wall at 100KPH and destroyed itself.

Not even a team of editors would save it.

In Chapter 1, Robin was a “Delta 1 team leader”. That is an Army unit, and the appropriate rank would be Captain. In Chapter 2 he has morphed into an enlisted Air Force photographer. And at the end of Chapter 2, Brad has become Chuck. If you don’t care enough to remain consistent in your characterizations it might be better to get someone else to look at the story before you post it.

I am not so much worried about grammar and spelling. I could still follow your story. The continuity does need work. As some have pointed out the change in his military service, I will simple say I don't expect complete accuracy if a writer is no factually accurate. However consistency and continuity are important for the reader to follow the story and identify the characters. Not everyone is a natural author, and this an amateur site after all. And remeber that most of the harshest critics have not submitted a story themselves. Thanks for your effort.

The portrayal is of the eternal victim!

Thought his name was Brad Stine ? Basically. Good theme though. I’m a sucker for this kind of story.

Brad (or Chuck) was a serial seducer yet his wife was still with him. Robin seemed to be exceptionally bad at choosing girlfriends.

This was horrible. The faint germ of a story is there but the spelling, grammar, continuity mistakes place this at a sub 4th grade level. Try again.

So what was in the PI report? Did you forget to include that? And what was the culmination of her visits with July? And if this guy is such a super mondo secret surveillance killer ninja, how come he knows all about fuck bastard's cheating and finances and business dealings, but doesn't know his address, when the GPS tells him that's where Elizabeth is located? Was that just another fuck up, or intended? Or maybe July relocated after she divorced predator Brad/Chuck, and Mr. Death On A Stick didn't know that Elizabeth was visiting July, because his DOD PI firm went for doughnuts when Elizabeth started dating her teenage crush's wife?

I think I'm missing something. Like about 30 minutes of my life. What a waste. This really could have been interesting.

The story was one of the best I've read, but the use of the English language was so bad that it was distracting and made parts of the story hard to understand.

Your biography includes your word "old". The problems with your writing could be attributed to age, English as a second language, the all-to-common sleeping through English class, drugs, or alcohol.

There is little hope that you can turn the situation around, but good luck if you try.

Wish I could have been your editor. We could have cleaned this story up a lot

It’s actually a pretty decent attempt but grammar word usage and spelling are fatal flaws.

I enjoyed this story, but the names and history got confusing. Still, it was fun.

Perhaps use an editor or write out your characters and story outline ahead of time. Walk yourself through the story with characters a few times. Familiarize yourself with them and the path you like. Looking forward to future entries.

Your writing is very juvenile as are your stories but there is some promise.

I would like to think that after Julie gets her divorce settled, then Brad can be disappeared. He should pay a steeper price for his sins."

his named did warn yall

I read this story and for the most part enjoyed it. Good plot endedabruptly

Read the story and enjoyed it for the most part. Some glaring issues with spelling and who's who.

What pissed me off is i submitted my own story and was rejected multiple times for errors much less disruptive to the story . Ok i misspelled Philippines missed a "p" or added an "e" or some dam thing. Yet glaring mistakes like fucking Bruce Thinking of his brother Bruce than later at the confrontation with brads wife "july" which I suspect was originally Julie. Who then became Chucks wife.....? Not to mention the typos. It just irritated the hell out of me and so many volunteer editors all so willing to help didn't. The one that did was a phenomenal help but will never be recognized as I gave up trying to submit on lit. For the record submitted my story 12 plus times and requested 26 editors of which 6 responded of which 1 actually read my work with edits. I Stopped Revisions and improvements after 6 revisions as there was nothing left to fix and still was rejected out of hand. I had posted it on OHW to much success and appreciation. Just don't understand it. No reasonable explanation except for some mispells. Expected better from Lauren. Sorry venting ...not really sorry....spell check your shit and read your own dam writing. You can catch your own mistakes just as well as the next guy.

This story makes me wonder whether 1) English is not the first language of the author, or 2) that the author is in middle school (age 11, 12, or 13?). Because of the possibility of the latter, I hope a senior editor at Literotica looks into this. Seriously!

A rather paranoid definition of cheating by our super macho dickhead hero. A quiet word of concern would have been enough but he has to go for over the top humiliation. She needs to leave him unless you want to spend her life as a virtual prisoner to his warped sense of fidelity. Not surprising that his former girlfriends found someone else. Mediocre story but there is potential if the author can give his characters a few more human dimensions.

LA

A little bit better than the 1st part but still a horrible English.

Superb cuck story keep it up.

Remind me which one is July's ex or soon-to-be ex.

Robin Truck may be a 'super' soldier, but he sure could use a remedial course in English composition!

Bad

Again, needs a little more editing, I'm afraid.

Aside from the terrible editing, huge errors in continuity, stilted writing and dialogue, not bad.

I should have listened to your username. You really are a bad writer

Too boring and sterile. Also was July married to Brad or Chuck?

Well, Badwriter lived up to his name.

Reading that was a chore. Lets see, was August, er July, married to ah Chuck or Brad. Dude you definitely lived up to your name.

Two stories for two poorly paced. This was better than the drive in, but leads me to conclude that you have no idea what emotions feel like or how people think. 1*