All Comments on 'Secret Pleasures, Good Girl'

Very good start, however, the "introduction" part is somewhat long. This evokes more sexual emotion than most without being just bang bang sex.

Just loved it. The use of real women who are not a twig is a treat to read and a vision of candy in the mind! Hope we are able to read more about this beautiful creature in the future!

Ok ... you have a fantastic story line to work with. Now how about recruiting someone as an editor to work with you to streamline it, fill it out, and clean it up?

I found the shifts from 1st person to 3rd person and then back again distracting -- I hope you'll decide which way you're going to do it and make it all consistent. Either all 1st person or all 3rd person.

There are some typos and word usage errors here and there -- cleaning those up would help to make it top notch. My experience in writing is that I should never be the proof reader of my own work -- only someone who didn't write it will find the silly errors/omissions that I make.

i think he should raid her stockroom and make her dress up in the items. nice start look forward to it continuing.

Now what happeneds when a young cheerleader cum into your store, and makes you wet and hot?

and couldn't get past that super long paragraph that should have been several. Get some help.

I loved the setting but you changed from her to him talking. The change in who was talking was abit confusing. Get someone to proof your writing.

Good plot though, could go on and on.

I liked the way you described how the store owner tried on the store's products and the chance arrival of a customer. By the time I finished reading I was very aroused as it resembled an experience I had with the lady I currently date. I enjoyed the detailed description of how a women felt about trying on lingerie. Always wondered.

Jumper