Secrets Within

By the time they got out of the shower, they only had a few hours left until morning. He led her to his bedroom, watching her face and her reaction. He didn't want to force her to do anything she didn't want or wasn't ready for. She kept smiling, letting him know that this was what she wanted. When they finally made love, it was almost as if the earth shook. Neither of them had been with anyone else since he left her. Anya, because she didn't want to be hurt again, and Jack, because he couldn't bring himself to. He only wanted her - his love was only for her. They fell asleep in each other's arms, and when she was sure that he was in a deep sleep, she got dressed and left without a sound. As she got into the car and began to drive, she began to feel guilty for what she had just done. "But he deserves it. He left me too, in the middle of the night, and I hadn't heard from him until tonight." Even though it was payback, she didn't feel any better for what she had done, but it was too late to take any of it back. She drove for almost an hour, trying to get as far away as she could from him, so he wouldn't be able to find her the next morning. She knew he'd come looking for her. She found a hotel, checked in, and went to bed an hour before the sun came up. She had to sleep, otherwise, she'd snap and wonder where she was. She didn't want anyone to see that. She wanted to let herself think that she had slept most of the night away, block everything from her mind until night fell once again.

She woke up the next afternoon, fully rested. She looked around the room, and all she remembered was driving to the hotel in the middle of the night. She felt refreshed and for some reason, loved. A thought of Jack entered her mind, and she shivered. She wondered what made her think of him. She knew she was in New York, but she didn't know what brought her there. She called her mother to let her know that she was okay, and then decided to have a look around the room. It was almost completely empty except for the full sized bed, in the corner, by the window. Everything in the room was a cream color. Even the phone and the small TV stand. It was so plain, it was sickening, and she had to get out of there. She wanted to just drive around town for a while, but something was stopping her. She had this feeling that she would run into someone she knew......someone she didn't want to see. Instead of following her instinct like she should have, she drove around anyway. She ended up near Jack's place. She saw his black mustang, the one he seemed to have forever. She was in shock seeing his car, and she didn't remember him living in a beautiful house like this. She wondered what happened to his condo. She parked on the side of the street, not being able to do anything else.

He woke up later that morning with a smile on his face as he reached over to take Anya in his arms. When he realized she wasn't there, he sat up and looked around the entire house.

"Fuck!!!!" He hurried to get dressed and was ready to go out and look for her.

"Anya, where ever you disappeared to last night, I will find you! I was stupid enough to lose you once, and I won't lose you again. I love you way too much to let you go again."

He grabbed his car keys and was ready to head out the door when he felt her presence near. He bolted out the door and ran out to his car.

She saw him rush out his door and to his car. He looked like a mess. His soft, brown hair was disheveled, and his clothes were all messy. Her mouth dropped at the sight of him. He looked more beautiful then ever, but the pain in her heart was still there. It still felt fresh. As he was racing to his car, she saw him stop. He was looking right at her! She started the car up and was ready to drive away, but she couldn't. She felt as if she was frozen in place.

He couldn't believe his eyes!!! She was sitting right there, right outside his house. He regained his composure and slowly made his way over to her. He didn't believe his eyes, he couldn't. He was afraid that if he ran over to her, she would just disappear from his sight. He didn't want her to be a dream again. He reached her car and just stood there for a moment, taking in the sight of her.

"Anya...." His hand went to the handle of her car door, and he began to open it. He looked into her eyes, the look of shock was in them, while his sparkled with joy.

"Um, I have to go....." She tried to move again, but failed just as before.

"Why don't you come in, love. We could have a cup of coffee together, catch up and what not." He looked at her pleadingly.

"I don't think so, Jack. You look as if you were in a rush to go somewhere, as if you had something important to do, or as if you were late for an important date." Bitterness was entering her voice.

"I was just going to look for something I thought I lost." How he wanted to take her into his arms and just hold her. It hurt him so much, seeing her staring at him with nothing but bitterness and anger. "Please, love. It would mean the world to me. Just for a bit..."

"I really shouldn't......I honestly don't even know what brought me to New York. I need to get back home, and make sure things are okay....." She got lost in his eyes. Her lips began to tremble as she remembered the feeling of his lips upon hers.

He opened the door, and taking her hand in his, helped her out of the car. As he lead her back to his home, he had his arm around her waist. He was beginning to wonder why she wasn't objecting to any of this, but he knew it was most likely because she was in shock. She probably wasn't expecting to see him today, or ever again.

Being in his house, she got a feeling of deja vu, even though she knew she had never been here before, or had she? The place was beautiful. The kitchen and living room were huge and beautifully decorated. It seemed like he lived here alone, but you never knew with him. Jack was good at keeping his secrets. They sat down on his big, comfy, velvet, black couch and just looked at each other.

"You haven't changed a bit since the last time I saw you, my love." He put his hand to her face, lightly brushing his fingertips across her cheek. She leaned into his touch, not caring about anything that was in the past. She was here, with him, right now, and that's all that mattered to her. God, how she had missed him!

"Love, you haven't said one word to me. Is there something wrong?" He looked concerned.

"I'm fine, Jack. It just feels like I've been here before, but I know that's not possible."

She knew she should be angry with him for what he had done to her years ago, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him....something or someone was stopping her. He gave her a tour of his home, and when they reached the bedroom, she had a flashback of the night before, of their night of passion. Her hand instantly went to cover her mouth in shock as she looked at his bed.

"Love, is something wrong?" He gently took her face into his hand and made her look at him. He lightly brushed his thumb across her cheek. He looked into her eyes, wondering what she was thinking. He didn't want to intrude on her thoughts, but seeing that look on her face......

"Jack, I have to go; I shouldn't even be here......."

"Love, don't go, not yet. We have so much to talk about, and besides, I've really missed you."

The anger shot right back into her...."Yeah, I'm sure you really missed me. If you missed me so much, then why did you leave?!?!?!"

"Anya, I don't want to go through this again with you. We've already had this talk."

"What do you mean, "we already had this talk"? I haven't seen you in years, so how exactly could we have gone through this already?" And yet, flashbacks of the night before were hitting her full force. He didn't even realize what he had said until after her reaction. He regretted it, but at the same time, he didn't.

"We talked last night, at the club.....why didn't I remember when I woke up this morning? What did you do? Cast some sort of spell on me so I would forget, so you could just start all over with me???"

"Love....."

"Don't call me that. We've gone through that before too!" She was on the verge of screaming at him.

"Please, let me finish." He paused, waiting for her reaction, but she said nothing. "I didn't cast any spells on you. It was you who made yourself forget last night." He sighed, not knowing what to do. She was going to be so angry with him at nightfall.

He watches her look around, knowing that she recognizes everything.

"Love, come here. Sit closer to me."

She looked into his eyes and couldn't resist. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her close.

"Anya, I thought I'd lost you again," he whispered into her ear with out realizing it.

""Jack what do you mean 'again'? I haven't seen you since you left me."

He closed his eyes realizing his slip, as she sat up, rigid. She started getting flashbacks of the night before, like an out-of-body experience, like a movie. She saw herself on top of him, in his bedroom. She watched, and then saw herself turn to look at herself, smiling and bearing her fangs. She jumped off the couch and just looked at him. He didn't want to, but took a glimpse of her mind, to see what she was thinking, to see what she saw. He didn't want to lose her again.

"Love..."

"No! Stay away from me! What did you do to me all those years ago?! Is this why I've been getting all those fucking flashbacks?! Waking up being covered in fucking blood?!"

"Baby, come here, please. Sit down and let’s talk."

"No, I don't want you near me! Stay away!"

"Anya, you were like this before we met. We were drawn to each other because we're the same."

"You're like that too?! Lemme see! Show me!"

He walked over to her, put his hands on her arms, tried to calm her down.

"Anya.."

She broke down in tears... just broke down, and he pulled her closer. He tried to comfort her. He raised his wrist to break the skin.. to draw her out of herself from the scent. She rested her head on his shoulder, the tears streaming down her cheeks, and she let him hold her. She felt lost and confused and didn't really know what was going on. Slowly, everything started to come together....all those blackouts, the long nights, the blood all over her.....everything. She realized a small hunger was building up from deep within. She caught the scent of his blood as soon as he cut open his wrist. She looked up at him, her eyes wide, and he just nodded to her as he gave her his offering. As it touched her lips, she felt alive, really alive. She opened her lips to drink in the sweet, red liquid that was pouring his life out of him. She drank greedily, but she knew when to stop. Her two lives finally linked together.

"Jack..."

She paused, not knowing if she should thank him or yell at him.

"Go ahead, love. You know you can tell me anything."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for? You have nothing to be sorry about. Please don't apologize....."

"Jack, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for causing you to leave me, for what I did to you last night, for keeping this part of myself blocked out until nightfall....I'm just sorry." She broke down in tears again. "But I also have to thank you. I have to admit that I'm kind of upset that you brought this all out, but if it wasn't for you, it would have taken a lot longer."

"Baby, you were doing it yourself too. Remember, I'm not the one who brought you here. You brought yourself here. You drew yourself back to my home, back to me."

"It's because I've missed you so much....and seeing you after all that time.....well, it brought all those feeling back."

He tightens his arms around her. "Anya, I've missed you so much. You have no idea how long I've wanted to go searching for you. But you brought yourself here anyway. You know as well as I do that we belong together. Not because we're similar but because we just are. Fate has brought you back to me." He kisses her softly. "And now that I have you back with me, I'm never letting you go again."

"What if that's not what I want?" she asks him, playfully.

He gives her his Cheshire cat smile. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to make you.....or make you want to." His eyes sparkle with joy and playfulness.

She kisses him again and closes her eyes. "I wouldn't have it any other way, my love."

THE END