All Comments on 'Secuction Ch. 02'

I have enjoyed both chapters. Looking forward to the third.

I really like this story and can't wait for chapter 3. How about zach s dad. He could be a good match for mandy.

I agree Zach's dad should be brought in for Mandy after all the cock dosn't fall to far away from the tree or in this case the father.

The action is very arousing and the author has a knack for expressing the fun of an uninhibited encounter, but the changes in perspective from one character to another in the middle of a paragraph are very jarring. Plus the numerous spelling and grammar errors make it harder to follow the plot, as good as it is.

And really ... the ceiling fan? Nicki would need the hydraulic pressure of a freaking garden hose.

I cannot put in words how amazing this narrative is; it's brilliant to say the least, anf the continues action seems to never end (which is a good thing ). Loved it, and thank you :)

"My cock rose to attention, as always and I jerked myself off with slick soapy hands, as always." Do you even pay attention to what you're writing? And this thing you do of jumping from first person to third person is very distracting and kills the flow of the story. Damn! Pick which perspective you're going to write the story from and stick with it.

The old fart

I love your writing. It's smooth and keeps the story moving, even when you are just doing exposition. Good job.

However, this chapter was marred by pronoun problems. As another commenter has said you need to pick a point of view: Zach or the impersonal narrator. It's either I or he. It makes the words hard to read when you have to keep figuring out who is talking.

You also have miscellaneous wrong words, usually small ones, that suggest you didn't read it yourself.