All Comments on 'Seducing Jennifer Pt. 09'

Part of my problem is that youare not developing it enough. You start and then you stop just as it could get interesting/

My other issue is the title. You started off with Jenifer then to the mother and now he is role playing with Anna.

Please spend a little more time developing the story line and make it more sex or at least sensual. You seem all over the place.

This one was better.

You hit it right on the nose. I didn't intend to go this way -- it took me there. The first three parts were all I intended to write, and unfortunately I typed them, first draft, right into the submission form. I just felt like reliving some old memories, frankly. And many people have a short attention span, so I kept them short, led off with the sex part, and finished with a hint that people might want to read the next part.

Then the story asserted its own dominance and I followed. I started writing elsewhere and pasting the parts in. Unfortunately it was too late to go back and revise the first parts. I think you'll find sections 11 - ?? more satisfying from a literary perspective. Jennifer will be back, and the title will yet prove to be descriptive. There are seven more sections waiting for approval, and I'm not nearly done yet.

Thanks for your input. Your comments are cogent and I fully agree with your suggestions.

Just finished 19-20 and looking forward toward the rest.

I feel guilty scoring anything that is outside my faith - anal, adultery, &c.

But I am enjoying your writing and would be disappointed should you stop...

Hence the sudden appearance of all the fives. ;-)

Thank you for your honest opinion. I do understand, and I am not out to change anyone's views. I am, however, interested in (besides unusual sexual behavior) depicting certain lifestyles from an aboriginal point of view. It's different. No one has to like or emulate it. And I'm not claiming that it is representative of any particular group of people, other than that which exists only in my fevered imaginations. And in my dreams...

Thanks again.

I actually like this turn of events I wasn't sure where you were going with this story, but I like where its leading now Good Work

"I hate to bitch but I've noticed that the vast majority of you are not voting. I know I don't vote as much as I should, but I feel like if I can't give someone a 5 or at least a 4, it's possibly better not to vote at all."

So...which is it?...you seem to be irked people don't vote, but you'd rather they didn't vote at all?

And...you said you did no editing at all on the first three chapters, then said you composed sections offsite and cutty-pastied them into the story. That's not composing, that's a paper chase. If you can't either bring yourself to editing, or even rereading your work after seven years, you shouldn't be surprised you don't get any votes.

You haven't even gone back and fixed glaring errors like establishing yourself as aboriginal first and foremost.

If you don't want to do the work of editing, either find an editor who can do it, or be prepared for the consequences.

I'm ready to vote; I give it a two.

It started great but got confusing. I would've preferred if Jennifer joined the fun, they got married and continued to play with the mom....and perhaps her new boyfriend.