Self-Awareness Ch. 01

"Alright, my charger should be in the bedroom. My roommate should be at her boyfriend's place tonight so it's just me and you." Kerry said, walking towards a room in the hallway which I assumed was hers. She glanced back and saw I was still waiting out there in her living room, admiring the white paint job on the wall. "Don't be shy, Ryan. You can come in if you want."

"Oh yeah, sure," I hesitated. I blushingly walked to where she was, her head poking out the doorway looking at me with a grin on her face. She could tell I was nervous.

I entered her room and the first thing I noticed were the Hello Kitty dolls. They were all scattered on the bed, dressers, and the small corner of her room. There were a few misplaced clothes lying on the floor, including some very naughty underwear which she quickly tossed into her closet, hoping I didn't see. Oh, but I did see! Another dresser was placed across the bed, with a wide mirror and an array of makeup and other shit I didn't care so much about. She also had a poster of Shia Labeouf hung up for some reason.

"I really like Hello Kitty," she fearfully admitted with her hands held behind her back.

"That's okay, I do too," I said, smiling.

She smiled back.

"Here let me take your phone, I'll charge it for ya." Kerry took my phone as I stood admiring this alien bedroom. It's been awhile since I stepped into a female's wonderland. I wanted to take a picture of this for safekeeping, if only I had my phone.

"So Ryan, while it's charging, how have you been?" Kerry asked, deciding to make small talk.

"Good, it's been good. Work, school. Same stuff. I've been trying to write more, maybe a novel or a..."

*Meeeeeorraowww* The sound of a kitty cat interrupted us again. She must have gotten a text message. Kerry grabbed the phone from her front pocket and checked who it was from. Within a few seconds, she flung the phone onto the bed with a gigantic frown on her face.

"Who was that from, if you don't mind me asking?" I asked.

Kerry looked at me with distress. "Oh, umm. That was Xavier. You remember him right? He's working late and I guess he's bored all the time so he texts and calls me at random times."

"Are you two still going out?"

"Yeah we're still going out," she laughed. "Going out, that sounds weird."

"Well, you two have been together for what? Eight, nine, ten years now?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah just about. Since freshman year."

"You ever thought of going further than just, going out?" I questioned.

She swung her body and sat onto the bed.

"Yeah well, I tried to convince him that, like, after almost a decade of being together, maybe we should think about marriage. How our future would look when we grow old and stuff. You know, starting the new phase of our lives. Or else, why are we still in this low-entry level of a relationship, you know?"

I nodded. I actually agree.

"Nine years. That's a long fucking time with just one person," she pouted under her breath. Then her voice rose again. "And all that time, doing what? Getting by, wasting time, still going to community college, and not even trying to find a decent paying job. I mean, even if we do get married, I don't see how our future can be successful with our current circumstances."

It looked like Kerry had been bottling this up for some time. And lucky me, I'm the one she gets to vent that frustration to.

"I've been talking to Wendy about this recently, actually. She got engaged like a few weeks ago if you didn't know. Xavier and I went to the party when her fiancé purposed to her. She said yes. Everyone clapped and cheered and cried. And Xavier, that doofus, still had no clue. He still wasn't sure about a future with me." Kerry confessed.

She placed her face in between her hands and stared at the floor.

"But I can't leave him. He's been with me through thick and thin. As much as he's so pussy to taking this relationship further, he has always been there for me. But I've got a feeling he's only there for me because he doesn't know anything else. Just like me."

I sat next to her to try and comfort her. She reached out, held my hand and pulled me in closer.

"What does Xavier do? Like, where does he work?" I asked.

Kerry looked up and stared at the Shia Labeouf poster. God damn it why!? Why hang up a Shia Labeouf poster? It just doesn't make any sense.

"He's a security guard."

I followed her eyes to that Shia Labeouf poster. "A security guard? For who? Shia Labeouf?"

She gazed at me confused at first, then busts out laughing really hard. "What? No! For a news station!"

I was being serious. I connected the clues like a detective. Shia Labeouf poster + security guard.

"Oh, yeah... news station. That's a cool gig, right?" I asked, trying to stop the humiliation of my previous answer.

Kerry finished her laughter and placed her hand on my leg. She seemed vulnerable. Naked. I saw she really wanted a connection with me, more than friendship.

"How come you never asked me out, Ryan?" she questioned. The way she sounded when she asked was genuine.

"Hey what is this? An ambush?" I clowned. I didn't even know what that meant in context. I was trying to lighten up the mood... with my stupidity?

"Earlier you said you had a crush on me. I know you did. You always stared at me in Biology with those chubby cheeks and long hair. We never talked much but I knew. So, how come you never told me how you felt about me?" Kerry continued.

"Well for starters, you were still going out with Xavier." I replied.

"That's not stopping you now, is it?" she retorted with a little cute grin on the side of her right cheek. Seriously Ryan, stop saying 'cute', you fucking queer.

"Hmm... you got me," I confided.

I soooo wanted to fuck Kerry at that moment and if she agreed, she'll be committing adultery. Yet, I was fine with it and apparently she was too. So is that okay? I'll let God decide. Until then, I wasn't going to let this fine piece of ass get away from me.

Quietness filled the room for what seemed like a lifetime as I gathered my thoughts.

"Can I say something Kerry? To be honest, I had no confidence back then. I was a fat, ugly kid who was afraid to talk to people, let alone girls. I had issues with my physicality. Deep inside, I've always wanted to crack jokes, make people laugh, make people feel good about their day but I was afraid to communicate. I'm not sure why, but it was scary for me. I had trouble trusting people. But even with those insecurities, I did manage to find someone who loved me for who I am. Or so I thought. Since then I have been betrayed, kicked to the curb, having to find my way back home, sometimes literally. What I thought was love slowly grew to dishonesty and a big pile of bullshit. I appreciate people that can still believe in love, I do, but to me it's nothing. It's a false hope. Love only exists in fairy tales and romantic movies. That's why I started working out. That's why I started to eat healthy and work on bettering myself. I've been improving myself for a year and a half just so I can get to this exact point in time... just so I can build enough fucking confidence to finally ask you out, Kerry."

I'm no expert but I'd say we just shared a moment. Two souls finally revealing their inner demons. It's something we both needed to say to get on with our lives.

"It looks like I'm not the only one who needed to vent." Kerry said with laughter. "Do you say that to all the girls?"

"Yes actually, but you got the shortened version."

Kerry moved in closer, her hand holding onto mine. I can smell her perfume, the scent is getting stronger. I can feel her hot breath reaching towards my shirt, sending airwaves down my collar and rolling onto my chest. She placed her hand and reached for my cheek, pulling my face near to hers.

"You don't need to ask me out, Ryan. The only thing I need from you is to fuck me," she whispered in the steamiest voice I've ever heard in my life. "Please. Fuck me."

The bulge in my pants cannot be hidden anymore. It's creeping down my right leg and Kerry is an eye witness to the whole crime. She stood up from the bed, hopping with both feet on the floor giddy like a baby bunny.

"Show it to me Ryan. Show me your penis!"

"What!?" I was slightly offended. "No, show me yours first!"

"Show you my penis?" Kerry looked confused, then giggled. "Okay!"

Uh oh! If she whips out a cock, make a break for it. Jump out the window. It's not even a two story house, I'll land on some bushes or something, some twigs might poke me in the balls but I'll be fine.

Kerry walked over to me and reached under the bed. With a few grunts she finally pulled out a shoebox. She opened it and flung out a flimsy blue dildo. Phew.

"Okay, your turn," she grinned with excitement.

"How about I take off my shirt instead?" I purposed.

"Fine, whatever, just take something off please!" she pleaded. Her breath grew louder and faster. She's getting super horny. I could hear it in her voice. I could see it in her body language.

I stood up and unbuttoned my shirt, but she intervened. "No wait! Let me do it please?"

I quietly nodded. She kneelt down and began from the base of my shirt, almost touching my enlarging groin but remained on task. Licking her lips, she targeted the bottom buttons, undoing the first three to reveal my abdomen. She gawked for a second and rubbed her fingertips over my abs. Her soft hands were caressing my torso and she even scratched me with her nails. "God, your body is so different Ryan."

"Yeah, I ain't that fat boy no more." I grinned.

She chuckled with eagerness and continued to unbutton the rest, her feet wagging like a happy dog. She tore open my shirt to reveal my entire upper body. Marveling at my changed body, she ran her hands over my chest and abs before taking off my entire shirt and throwing it onto the floor. With small kisses, she smeared lipstick over my skin, stroking my bicep and forearm, admiring my body.

I quickly turned her around. The bulge in my pants kept growing as I grinded my groin up against her tight backside. I slowly lifted her blue tank top by sliding my palms against her body. Bending my knees a little, I kiss her neck tenderly as my hands finally reached their destination, causing her to bite her lip and exhale warm air. Lifting the top just over her breasts, I unhooked her white 32B bra and let gravity drop it to the floor.

I flipped her around so now she's facing me. She seemed shy baring her naked chest to me. Kneeling down, I kissed her flat belly, slowly working my way up to her tits. She grabbed her left breast and squeezed it as I eventually sucked on her right breast. Using my tongue to gently flick her hard nipple, I watched as she fidgeted and sighed with delight. With my left hand, I stroked down her body, touching her with my fingertips until I land my palm onto her firm ass still encased in those skin-tight jeans. I squeezed her asscheek strongly while I was pleasuring her nipple, slightly biting and pulling, letting it flop back to its original position. She sighed with pleasure and relief, and she knew we were just getting started.

I kissed her furiously. Her hands grabbed hold to the back of my head, powerfully pulling my face closer to hers. Our tongues fought back and forth like a sword duel to the death. We traded saliva until I released my mouth away from hers. A trail of spit curved until it formed into a water drop. Kerry licked it off my chin, and aggressively bit my lip. She wanted more. I was more than willing to give it to her.

Kerry escaped out of my arms and motioned me closer to the bed. She landed on her back, bouncing up and down a few times on the springy mattress. She elevated her back but I pin her down again, pushing my hands onto her shoulders. I crawled onto the bed and mounted her, parking my ready groin onto her chest.

"Okay now, show it to me!" she cried, staring at my colossal bulge waiting to be unbound.

The time has come to release the beast. I wanted to, I really did, but for some reason I was hesitant to do so. I still had insecurities, a weird reaction to have as I stood on top of a half-naked beautiful woman.

She threw her hands onto my belt and began to undo the buckle.

"Hold on, wait!" I frantically held onto her hands, which were still clasped onto my belt.

She looked seductively at me. "It's only fair. You had the opportunity to rate my ass, now it's my turn to rate your fat cock." Fat. That word used to offend me. But not when it's used in that context.

"To be fair, I still haven't seen your naked ass." I joked. I saw her rolling her eyes.

"God, just show it to me already!" Kerry moaned with frustration.

Being naked is a liberating feeling. I should take grasp of it. It's the ability to trust the other's vulnerabilities, flaws and strengths as well as your own. I already explained to her how I felt; now it's time to ultimately show her.

I gently rested her hands onto her chest as I unbuckled my belt and popped the button from my pants. The only thing remaining was the zipper. Wanting her to unzip it, I stood there waiting. Through some sort of telekinesis, she understood what I was thinking and grabbed onto my pants with two hands. With one hand holding on to the top of my jeans, she used her other hand to finally undo the zipper. With each zip, it created a small vibration through the barrier of my denim, to my boxers, and finally my cock. As she reached the bottom of the zipper, she grabbed both my pants and boxers, wriggling them downward. My dick was still stuck in between my underwear, encased from freedom. With a little wiggle myself; I finally revealed my concealed weapon, springing up to life in front of Kerry's big brown eyes.

"Whoa!" she screamed, her eyes and mouth wide open from the reveal of my manhood. "That cock is huge!"

"Is it?" I asked.

Kerry snickered. "Uhh, yah! That thing is enormous!" Her gaze was glued to my cock, gradually moving her eyes back and forth from the tip of my penis to my balls.

"Well...?" I asked, trying to break her concentration on my penis.

"Well what? You want me to try and suck that huge thing?"

"No. I mean, yes I do. But first give me your rating. Remember?"

"Oh yeah. Umm, I'll have to give it 10 inches out of 10." she giggled proudly.

"Weird thing is I've never actually measured it."

"You serious? Want me to find a ruler?" she asked.

"Do whatever you want, Kerry."

She smiled and inspected my rod, holding onto the head of the dick as she cautiously touched the skin like it's a piece of fragile prehistoric fossil.

"I'm gonna try to fit this thing in my mouth now."

I look down as she struggled to fit a good portion of my dick down her mouth. It might have been the position we were in. She scooted from under me so she can have better placement to engage her battle with my cock. Bending down to her knees, she landed on all fours and lifted up my dick, carefully licking the tip.

Kerry definitely knows how to tease. Her soft, wet tongue barely grazed my sensitive head, sending signals of pleasure in small doses. She mixed those lollipop licks with plump kisses from her velvety lips.

Using both her tiny hands, she gyrated the stroking of my shaft as she gobbled up the crown of my penis. I became paralyzed as if she had me on puppet strings. I sat there with my knees down, sitting on of my own feet and my hands palmed behind me onto the bed as Kerry increased her rhythm.

She plopped her mouth off my glans, but her stroking hands were still in motion on my shaft. "I want you to fuck my face," she says as she clears her throat.

I whimpered in agreement. I've never done such a thing. It felt a little forceful. Wouldn't it hurt her throat? Oh well, if she wanted it, I guess I could give it a try. I brushed her dark black hair aside from her face as long strands were getting stuck to her mouth.

"Lay down. Fuck my mouth on your back. That's how I want it," she commanded, as she pushed me down onto the bed with my legs split apart.

"Umph!" she incoherently muffled. She was back in control and took me deeper than before, trying to familiarize her small throat to the thickness of my cock. After a few tries, she pulled her head back off my dick, coughing for air. "Okay. Now it's your turn. Fuck the shit out of my mouth!"

"Shit? Out of your mouth?"

"It's dirty talk, honey. Get used to it." she explained. Kerry got on all fours again but this time positioned towards the side of me. Our bodies created an 'L' shape from a bird's eye view. She slobbered my dick a few times to get it nice and slippery as she opened her mouth the widest she can. Her shiny brown eyes looked towards my direction. She was set to get drilled in the face.

I grabbed her head and gradually raised my hips to meet her face. Her skull remained stationary, gurgling when the first thrust hit the back wall of her mouth. I pulled back and attacked her esophagus again, with another strike that collided at the end of her throat. I don't think I could make this dick go down any further, as she was only able to take at the most half of my rod. Trying to heat things up, my thrusts remained the same level of strength but increased at a quicker rate. Her gurgling turned into cartoonish duck sounds, quacking in rhythm as my cock rammed into her throat. Saliva looked like spider webs as they dangle off her lips connected to my shaft.

With tears rolling off her cheeks, partially melting away her makeup, she closed her eyelids and finally released the suction of her mouth from my cock. Breathing heavily, she tried to inhale through her nose, clearly making her runny nose audible.

"Oh hell yeah! Stay there. Don't move. I wanna test drive this," she announced. Man, Kerry's unexpectedly enthusiastic about sex.

"Damn, you're freaky." I confessed, as Kerry stood up and started to unbutton her jeans.

"I'm freaky? How?"

"I don't know. You seem so innocent. I pictured you holding hands on the beach and lighting candles and shit. Who knew you were into getting face fucked?"

Kerry wiggled her jeans to her knees, her pants so snug it was getting stuck to her thighs. She was making small grunts with her failed attempts to fully disrobe.

"Maybe you should take off your boots." I suggested. She was so worked up she forgot to take off her shoes first.

"You were always the smart one, Ryan. That's why I always copied classwork off of you."

"You copied off me? But you're Asian?" I joked.

Kerry laughed as she finally dropped her pants to the floor, naked with nothing but a white silky thong. Those toned thighs, flat stomach, and perky tits all ready for my doing. She slunk back into bed and climbed onto my body, slowly scanning my features as she moved closer. Her B cups pressing onto my chest, and her hard nipples were sliding across my skin as she finally reached my face. Opening her mouth, she consumed my lips in an extended heated kiss.

She pulled back with a concerned look on her face. "You don't happen to have any condoms do you?"

Condoms? I haven't bought any in quite some time. "Don't worry, I'm clean." I politely said.

"So, I guess that's a no then?" Kerry assumed, wanting a clarification. I just shrugged.

"Want to use one of Xavier's?" she offered, pointing at the large dresser across from us. I nodded. Sure, let's use your long-term boyfriend's rubber behind his back. That seemed reasonable.

"Okay." I replied. Kerry hurriedly went through her dresser, fidgeting through what seemed like a decent supply of condoms. Finally deciding on one, she closed the drawer and hopped back into bed. Ripping the grey wrapper and tossing it to the side, she placed the rubber on my tip and 'tried' to roll it back onto my shaft. 'Tried' is the key word.