Sensitive Research Ch. 03

"Ah, yes, that shows off your breasts very nicely. That are quite large - what are those, about a 40D, my dear?"

"No, ma'am," I replied, trying my best to anticipate how she wanted me to respond. "I normally wear a 40DD."

"Even bigger than I thought," she said with a chuckle. "Very impressive, I'm sure you must get a lot of looks from men." She looked into my eyes, and I realized after a few seconds she was waiting for a response.

"I guess so, I don't really know," I mumbled. "I really don't notice that kind of thing."

"Really?" she asked, incredulously. "You mean you don't pay attention to when men, or women for that matter, are looking at your body? Don't you date, little one?"

I really didn't want to get into my personal life with her, but I had crossed so many boundaries already, I felt that I had little to lose by answering her question. "Not very much," I responded. "What with work and everything else, it just hasn't been a priority for me."

"Too bad," she said, shaking her head, "because I'm sure men would enjoy pawing at those big tits. And I bet you like having them pawed at." The crudeness of her language stung.

"Okay, now turn around for me again. I want to look at that big ass of yours, now that your clothes are off."

Her comment about my ass stung almost as much as the crudeness with which she had referred to my breasts. I knew my ass was big, and I was very sensitive about it, but it didn't help to have it pointed out to me by her. I did as she asked though, keeping my hands behind my head, and when I had rotated 180 degrees, I heard her say, "Stop." I did, not being able to see what she was doing. It was at least another 30 seconds before I heard her next command. "Okay, now bend at the waist and place your hands on the ground in front of you."

"Oh god," I thought, "this is all I need, to be thrusting my ass out in front of her." But I was so far into my submission to her, I had no resistance left whatsoever. I lowered my hands, and leaned forward, feeling Tara's pearls reaching down to the floor below me as my hands made contact with the ground.

"Now hold that position, pet," she said. I could feel the blood rushing to my head, making me even dizzier than I had already been from the effects of the wine and what this woman was doing to me. I did my best to maintain the position, even knowing the view that this domme had from behind me.

A few seconds passed, and then I heard movement behind me, and I sensed Amber standing right behind me. "Spread your legs wider," she commanded.

Once again, I thought, "Oh god, please don't make me do this," because I knew that spreading my legs wider would reveal the seeping wetness between them. I hesitated, hoping that she would spare me this indignity, but the next thing I felt was a sharp slap on my right ass cheek, with the sound of a loud "smack." It was everything I could do to maintain my balance, and not go toppling forward.

"I told you to do something," she said in a sharp voice, "now do it."

"Yes Lady Amber," I quickly replied, hoping to spare another spanking from her. I shuffled my legs outward, as far as they could comfortably go, knowing what the result would be. As I did so, I got a whiff of my own arousal for the first time, and I had no doubt that she was receiving the same stimulation of her senses.

Sure enough, I quickly felt her fingers on my pussy, as she wiped up some of the moisture that had accumulated there. From my upside down position, I saw her kneeling down, bringing her head in closer proximity to my own. "Just as I thought," she said with a sneer, "you're leaking like a rusty pipe, because you're enjoying what I'm doing to you, aren't you, you slut?"

Once again, I felt the tears returning, and all sense of resistance totally eliminated, I sobbed, "Yes, ma'am."

She took her two fingers that had been rubbing my pussy, put them at my lips, and pushed. "Clean them off, pet," she said.

I opened my mouth and began to run my tongue over her fingers, tasting my own pussy juices for the first time. I continued to cry, doing my best to hold back the sobs, not wanting her to know how defeated I felt. After about ten seconds, she pulled them back out of my mouth again, and stood back up.

"Okay, stand up," she ordered.

I did so, wiping away a few tears as I rose.

"Turn back around and put your hands back up," Amber said as she went and sat down once again. I turned and faced the couch.

"Tell me how you feel, pet."

I continued to try to hold back the sobs, and managed to get out in soft voice, "Please Lady Amber, don't make me do this."

"I'm not making you do anything, my dear. You are free to put your clothes on and walk out the door at any moment."

I knew that she was correct, that everything I had done up to this point was done of my own volition. While I knew that I could do just that - walk out the door, I also knew that I would not, and that I would stay and do as she commanded.

"I know ma'am," I responded, "it's just that it's so hard for me to talk about."

"Oh, I know, sweetie," she said, now in a soothing voice, "but if we're going to get you to understand who you truly are, what you truly want out of life, then we're going to have to talk about it. Isn't that what you want?"

"That's not what I came here for. I came here so you would participate in my study." The absurdity of the fact that I was carrying on this discussion with her in the state in which I found myself - nude, other than for a set of pearls, with my hands behind my head - hit me at that point.

"I know, but I had a long conversation with Cecilia about you when she called me, and as I told you, she was convinced that you were a submissive yourself. She also felt that you, and more importantly, your research, would benefit if you came to that understanding sooner rather than later. She also believes that you are more suited for relationships with women, than with men, that you will find much more sexual and emotional fulfillment if you open yourself up to other women, as well as to submission."

She continued, "Cecilia truly is interested in your research study, and wants to see you succeed. And she was afraid that your own inhibitions, your own repressed desires, would prevent you from doing that."

These words stunned me. Here I was, the one with a Ph.D. in psychology, and yet it was Mistress Cecilia who based on just a few meetings with me had intuited these feelings and desires that I clearly had deeply repressed. The magnitude of this revelation shook me to my core, and I found myself growing very tired from the emotions and having been standing like this in front of Lady Amber.

"Please, ma'am, may I sit down?" I pleaded with her.

"No, pet, you will sit when I tell you it is time. Now answer my question: How are you feeling?"

I knew that I had to continue, to give her what she wanted. And as much as I may have wanted to question Mistress Cecilia's amateur diagnosis of my psyche, I was afraid that there was enough of a kernel of truth in it that if I didn't continue on this path toward discovering who I truly was, that I would regret it later.

I sighed, giving in to my fate. "I'm feeling very conflicted Lady Amber," I started, formulating my thoughts as they tumbled out of my mouth. "One instinct is to run away, to get out of here and never see you again. But the other feeling I have is to stay right here, doing as you ask. And so far, it is the latter that is winning out."

"Why do you think that is, my pet?"

"I don't. . .I can't. . ." I stumbled with an answer.

"Oh, come on, you are a psychologist," she said, almost in a mocking tone. "Surely you can figure it out."

I paused, thinking about it some more before I tried to answer. I was conscious of the aching in my arms from having held them up for so long. But I knew she would not grant me relief until I was able to arrive at the point to where she was guiding me.

"I guess it is because I realize that I need to understand these things about myself," I started, and as more words came out, it became easier to articulate it. "I need to confirm to my own satisfaction that what Cecilia - excuse me, Mistress Cecilia - said about me is really true." Lady Amber smiled faintly as I corrected my own reference to Mistress Cecilia.

"Yes, I think you are correct," she responded. "You have chosen to stay here, and do as I command of you I suspect, because of your own need to discover whether this is a true desire of yours. Your own curiosity and need for self-revelation has overcome your flight instinct."

"Now that we are in agreement on that, " she continued, "the question becomes: Just how far can we take you down the path toward discovery?"

"What do you mean, ma'am?" I asked her.

She rose once again, and walked around the table to stand in front of me, face to face, no more than a foot apart. Without notice, she reached up, and placed my right nipple between her thumb and forefinger, and squeezed gently. Much to my dismay I felt my nipple immediately respond, growing even larger than it had already been.

"What I mean, pet, is just how far are you willing to go right now to discover your own submissive nature, and how much you will respond to the touch of a woman?" With that, she started squeezing my nipple harder, increasing the pressure bit-by-bit, and eliciting a gasp from me. "Shhh," she admonished. It was all I could do to keep my hands behind my head and not try to swat her hand away from my breast.

She continued the squeezing until I thought I would not able to take it anymore, but I was able not to react, and then she stopped. Once again, tears started coming to my eyes, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the pain of my nipple being tortured, or because of the psychological trauma of what I was enduring.

Lady Amber saw my reaction, and her tone turned warmer. She reached up and started stroking my cheek. "Oh, my little pet, it's okay to cry. I know how difficult this is for you."

That little act of kindness opened up the floodgates, and the tears started flowing. I dropped my hands to my sides, and started sobbing, naked in front of this woman against whom I felt powerless.

Lady Amber continued to exhibit kindness, reaching and putting her arms around me for a hug. I put my head against her, and with our height difference, it was resting against her breast. I was continuing to cry, and she took one hand and began to stroke my hair to comfort me, whispering in my ear, "That's okay, pet, let it all out."

Her comforting me started to work, and after a minute or so, I was able to pull myself together once again and stop sobbing. But her hand held my head to her breast, continuing to stroke it, making me feel even better. Her warm touch, softness of her breast, and soothing words were reassuring me that everything would, in fact, be okay.

After another couple of minutes of this, she pulled my head off her breast, looked me in the eyes, and asked, "You know we need to continue, don't you?"

I choked back another sob, and said softly, "Yes, Lady Amber."

"That's a good girl, now come here, dear." In any other situation, I would have been insulted to have someone call me by such demeaning names, but I now found myself becoming numb to it. She took me by the hand, and walked me back to the couch. "Wait here," she said, leaving me standing between the couch and coffee table. She walked around the other side of the table, and I saw her retrieving a small cloth bag that was on the floor near the bookcase. She came back to the couch and sat down near the middle of it, placing the bag on the coffee table.

"Okay, pet, here's what I want you to do. I want you to come here, and lie face down, across my lap, with your head on this pillow." She put a pillow on one side of her, and patted it, indicating where my head was to go.

I complied with her, laying myself across her body as she directed. Positioning my head sideways on the pillow placed my pussy right across Lady Amber's lap, and I was once again aware of how wet my pussy had become. I knew that she was aware as well just how much everything she had been doing to me had turned me on.

I felt her body shift a bit, and I could see her reach forward and pick up the bag from the coffee table, and she placed it next to her on the couch, between my prone body and the back of the sofa.

Lady Amber began rubbing my back gently, and she leaned down closer to my head. "We're going to continue your path to self-discovery now, my pet. Are you ready?"

I was somewhat fearful of what this meant, but I had no resistance left in me. "Yes, ma'am," I replied.

"Good, sweetie," she said, "you just do as I tell you and I promise you that everything will be fine. Are you familiar with what a safe word is?"

I knew what she was talking about from the research I had done in preparation for my study. Hearing her ask this, however, only raised my anxiety level another notch, but I answered her question. "Yes, ma'am."

"Great, so here's your safe word: Freud. Now repeat it back to me, so we're clear."

"My safe word is Freud, Lady Amber," I responded.

"I thought that would be an easy one for you to remember," she said with a chuckle.

"Okay, I'm going to start by warming up your big round ass, lying right in front of me here, so you can get used to my doing that. Do your best not to make too much noise, pet, because I don't want to have to gag you. That would make it a little difficult for you to use your safe word, now wouldn't it?"

I was terrified to hear her say this, as I had never been spanked in my life, at least not since I was a small child. And I didn't know what to expect, and what my pain threshold would be. But once again I knew that I had to try this if I was going to truly discover this potentially new path in my life. "Yes, ma'am," I responded, the sense of fear I knew quite evident in my voice.

"We're going to start with ten spankings for you, pet, five on each of your bulbous cheeks. Are you ready?"

I knew that this was it - either I got up and bolted at this point, given the fear I was feeling, or I had to go through with whatever she had planned for me tonight.

I hesitated only momentarily before responding, "Yes, Lady Amber, I am ready."