All Comments on 'Serlene and Zane Pt. 02'

You really need to work on your spelling and grammar. Definitely proofread it a few times and or have someone else read it over too before you submit it. Also lay off so many sexual synonyms for anatomy.Especially since some of your choices have been inappropriate and they ruin the flow of the story. Best example: her weeping cataract-- Ewwww! Sounds more like visually impaired pink eye than something hot and sexual. Also a cataract is an inclusion in the eye Or a waterfall not a hole or opening which is what I think you were going for. Anyway the story itself it good overall just clean up those few issues on your next installment and you'll be golden!

Great story so far. Hope the 3rd part comes out soon. Can hardly wait to see what happens to Serlene.

Anonymous, thanks for your comment and the comments about my grammar and use of commas. Somehow, I missed those lessons while in school.

Your first sentence is "Your right Hans. How is JT. doing?" Three grammatical errors right there and you claim to have a PhD? Right. Don't assume that you don't need an editor.