Sex Cleans an Entire Neighborhood

"I'm just plain stuck," Janice said, staring down at her now cold dinner. Her husband, Jim, could not have failed to have noted her morose attitude through the meal, and he could guess why. You see, Janice was the mayor of their town, and he knew that the city council had met that afternoon.

"What happened at the council meeting today?" he asked.

"The usual things," Janice responded, "but also something I can't seem to solve."

Jim was reluctant to get involved, but he also knew there would be no peace and probably no sex also until Janice's mind could be relieved of the load that was on it. So, he said, "Honey, what's so difficult that you can't fix it?"

Janice explained an almost impossible situation for a mayor. It pertained to a particular neighborhood in their town, and she had been unable to solve this problem in the first year in which she had been mayor. Further, her predecessor had been unable to solve the same problem in his six years in the job. Jim knew part of what the problem was, but he let her explain it all. A community in their town was called Fairview, but it was anything but that. It was on the edge of town and it was the part of the town which was just beyond a stream and up a hill. It had been put inside the city limits some 20 years previously, and it had promised to be part of the more wealthy areas of town as the view was excellent from every property.

Unfortunately, the Fairview neighborhood was probably doomed from the start. The developer had gotten greedy, and rather than making each house a large one which sat on a generous lot, he thought that he would make more money if he put in as many houses as he could. This meant that they were small, close to one another, and all had only two bedrooms. Not surprisingly, the wealthy clientele which the subdivision was to attract never showed up, the developer had difficulty selling the 40 houses he had built, and finally he had to offload them at significant losses to people who could only afford small dwellings. Low income people moved in.

Given the above, it is easy to guess what happened. Within a few years the properties started to look rather shabby. The houses didn't need painting or roofing for a while, but the yards became remarkably messy, with high weeds, unmowed lawns, beer cans, trash, and other debris. Even junky cars sat in the front yards. It could be seen that gas, oil, and even antifreeze had flowed down towards the stream at the bottom of the hill.

The City Council had concluded that something had to be done about the Fairview section of town. Council members had hoped that their new mayor, Janice, would solve the problem, but her efforts as the new mayor the first year of her term had proven to be meager and ineffective. At the meeting today, they had put the squeeze on Janice to get something done. Their message was very clear: if she was to be seen by the Council as the effective mayor she promised to be, she simply had to get this problem solved. They voted to authorize $10,000 to be spent on the project, and they also said that they would do anything that she wanted to be done to ease rules and ordinances if that would help her. The Council members were polite but very firm. There would be no peace for Janice until this problem was solved.

By the time Janice had explained the most recent developments to Jim, she was in tears. Jim realized that, like it or not, this problem was his problem as well as her problem. So, he did what his training in management had taught him, and he came up with a plan that would help Janice to feel that there was some hope here, and a plan that would help her to face the problem constructively. So, he said, "I've got an idea. Tomorrow is Saturday, and while I have to work in the morning, I am free in the afternoon. Why don't we go over to Fairview together, look the situation over, and see if we can't come up with an idea that will actually solve this problem?" Janice, of course, was most grateful for the offer of help, and she readily agreed.

The next afternoon, they were on their way to Fairview, camera and notepad in hand. The drive was pleasant, and while many houses in their town were modest in size, they were well kept with neat yards, white picket fences, and other signs that people cared about them. As the road went down slightly to the bridge that crossed the stream and then up to Fairview, they could not help but enjoy the view of the cool clear water flowing under their car. This only set up them up for a rude awakening just as soon as they started up the hill on the other side. The first house on the right had three dilapidated cars in the front yard, two of which had their hoods in the air and all three of which had windows knocked out. They pulled over and stopped, truly stunned.

Jim said nothing, but Janice managed to gasp, "This is a lot worse than I thought. No wonder the City Council is upset!"

Finally, Jim said, "Let me go look at something." He got out, walked up the sidewalk which was covered by overgrowth, and peered over the waist high grass into the yard. He saw two things that disturbed him more than the cars. They were 55 gallon barrels, and he found that one had gasoline in it and the other one was nearly full of used motor oil. The last barrel was sitting on a tilt as the soil on one side of it had given away. When he looked down, he could see why; the barrel was leaking oil into the ground, and the leak was only a few feet from the stream.

Jim returned to their car and told Janice what he had seen. They started their car and slowly drove up the hill. Twenty houses were on each side of the street in a long block. Only a half dozen of them had yards which would be considered reasonably acceptable. All the others were unacceptable and some were much worse than that with trash heaps that would make a junk yard dealer gulp. Jim counted no fewer than 21 old cars and pickups on the grass, all of which had not run for some time and probably never would run again. Typically, there was an abundance of debris in the yards and these debris usually included mounds of beer cans near the porches. The reason for the beer cans was not hard to find. On a number of the porches, men could be seen drinking beer and carousing with their buddies.

When Janice and Jim got to the top of the block, they turned around, parked their car, and just stared at the spectacle before them down the hill. It was several very long minutes before either of them spoke. Finally, Jim said, "You don't have enough financial resources or any other resources at the city to solve this problem. If it is going to get solved--and it has to--you've got to get these people motivated to clean up their yards."

"You mean you've got to get these men motivated to solve this problem," Janice said pointedly. "I'm not seeing any women throwing trash off porches, and I'll bet that there are darn few women working on the cars in the yards."

"OK, fair enough," said Jim. In a sense, that makes it easier for us as we do not have to get the women motivated but only the men."

"Yes, but how are you going to do that? You're a man, so tell me what would motivate you to get out and clean up your yard, get rid of the junk cars, take care of the hazardous waste, and get some pride in what your place looks like. Well, what would make you do that?" Janice glared at her husband as though all of this was his fault. And in an odd way one could argue that it sort of was his fault because he represented the gender that was likely causing much of the problem.

Jim had no answer, but rather than admit that he didn't have the foggiest idea of what to do, he simply said, "Look, let's drive down the hill slowly, look at each house as we go by, and see if we can see anything else that we haven't seen before that will help us solve this." But, by the time they got to the bottom of the hill, both of them realized that they had seen more problems and more trash with the downhill perspective than when they had gone up the hill. The trash included no fewer than three containers of antifreeze turned over on their sides and with the tops off, brake fluid cans, and other toxic wastes. Goodness only knows how much of all that stuff had spilled out on to the ground. They drove home in silence.

Once home, they went to their kitchen, each got their favorite drink, and they sat down. After some contemplation, Jim said, "OK, I think I have at least part of the answer to your question as to what would motivate these men to do something about their yards."

"Alright, what is it?" Janice asked dubiously.

"First off, you can't depend upon any motivator that is high level such as doing it for the good of the community, saving the environment, preventing disease, or something like that. Those things won't motivate these guys at all."

"Agreed, but what will motivate them?"

"Well, it's got to be much more basic to their existence. Like food."

"Judging from the size of their beer bellies, I'd say they have had too much food already," Janice responded.

"Or money."

"We don't have enough money in the budget to make more than one or two of those guys motivated enough to clear their yards," Janice responded once again.

"Or sex."

Janice was stopped in her tracks. Finally, she exclaimed, "What do you mean by that?"

"I think you know what sex is, honey," Jim responded rather smugly.

"Of course I know what sex is, but I don't see how that can be a motivating factor here. I don't see how you can use sex to clean up a whole neighborhood. Anything you do in Fairview will be open to evaluation by the whole town. This can't be a small affair between a handful of consenting adults. It would have to be big, open to public review, and it can't be in violation of common sexual standards in our society."

Jim was impacted by his wife's words, and he knew that this was a tall order. Finally, he said, "Well, I know that I would be quite motivated to clean up my yard if I had the promise of a pretty young woman working next to me in a bikini all day. I'd get out there and work in order to be next to her. I would even be more motivated if I knew that this young woman would be topless all day." Jim was being just plain honest and Janice sensed this, even though she muttered something under her breath about his having a dirty mind.

Finally, Janice said, "And where do you think we could get young things to come in such indecent attire?"

"I don't think that this would be a problem at all. That private women's college on the other side of town has a reputation for having open minded girls, and I think that they would be quite willing to participate. Those girls are much more likely to be motivated by the objectives of Earth Day, and if they see that they can make a real difference in the environment by using their sexual presence, I bet you would find them quite willing to help out. Wasn't it only last year, for example, that they helped in a fund drive for a charity by sponsoring a topless hand car wash for the community, and wasn't that a true bang up success and raised a pile of money?"

Jim's words really sank in with Janice. She sat there a long time trying to think of a good reason why Jim's idea wouldn't work, but she couldn't think of a good reason. The more she thought, the more she realized that his idea deserved consideration and that it was probably a good idea. Actually, maybe even a great idea.

On Monday morning, Janice called in her assistant who she had found to be quite savvy, and she presented the idea to him. She found him to be enthusiastic about this potential solution to the Fairview problem, and he grew excited about it as he considered the various possibilities. He indicated a real willingness to work on the idea, and he even said that he would be willing to do some work on his own time. As he later stated, one of the most enjoyable tasks given to him was to organize the photos of the college co-eds who agreed to participate.

As finally formed and presented to the members of the City Council, the plan specifically recognized the urgent need for the cleanup and removal of toxic wastes at Fairview, it declared that this effort was to be the focus of the Earth Day program in their community that year, it authorized the mayor to provide whatever incentive she felt necessary to get the residents of Fairview to participate in the program, it allowed the mayor to suspend for the day whatever ordinances (such as those against public nudity) which she felt essential to the program, and it authorized her to spend the sum of $10,000 in whatever way she felt would meet the objectives of the program. The Council voted unanimously and enthusiastically in support of the plan.

Riding on the crest of such a carte blanche endorsement, Janice launched into the program with great enthusiasm. After establishing the day of the cleanup as the Saturday before Earth Day that year, she approached the girls in three sororities at the college across town. She got their interest when she graphically portrayed with pictures the urgency of the situation at Fairview and her honest belief that these girls could make a real difference in solving this problem using their collective sexual presence. No sexual contact with the men at Fairview was either requested or expected, but rather just working alongside of them in a bikini or in a topless outfit according to what each girl preferred.

By the time Janice made the presentation at the third sorority, she had her 40 volunteers. She was surprised at how quickly the girls jumped on the program, but many said they wanted to contribute to the heath of our environment and that they were willing to spend a day doing it. Nearly half (18 of 40) signed up to come topless.

Despite the great signups of the girls, getting the men at Fairview to sign up to the program would require a lot of thought. Finally, Janice sent a personal letter to every resident in Fairview on her official stationery. Each letter started with the following question in bold type: Would you like to have a young lady in a bikini (or topless) come and help you clean up your yard? This is a serious offer from your mayor. Then the letter went on to outline the event, giving the date and other basic information. To accept the invitation, each resident had to agree to have two other persons there to help with the yard cleanup on the Saturday in question, and each had to agree to sign over all interest in any and all cars on the grass in the yard so that they could be towed and disposed of. Early applicants would have first chance at the women who had agreed to participate topless, and a quick response to the letter was suggested. A prize of $1,000 for the most improved yard was offered, with the judges to be the members of the City Council. A simple form was included to be completed by the man whose yard needed to be cleaned asking him if he wanted a woman in a bikini or a topless co-ed if a choice was available. The form also gave space to sign permission for vehicles in the yard to be towed. A stamped enveloped addressed to the mayor was included.

The response to the mayor's letter was greater than expected. No fewer than six men came to the mayor's office and handed in their applications in person in order to increase the likelihood of getting topless girls. Twenty-three other applications came in by regular mail within a week. With thirty-two applications in hand, the mayor put her assistant on to the follow-up task of the eight who had not responded. As photos had been taken of every yard in preparation for the judging of which yard showed the most improvement, the assistant had no difficulty in determining which houses had truly junky appearances. The assistant was able to get five of the remaining eight parties to sign up for the plan by going to their doors. Fortunately, none of the three remaining houses had junky cars in the front yards. With thirty-seven of the forty houses participating, Janice was truly elated.

The week of the event, the tow truck company who was hired to remove the 21 cars out of the yards began to do so. Things went smoothly except for one house where the man answering the door said he had changed his mind and that he would not participate in the program. When Janice heard of this, she realized that something had to be done as she could not have even one car remaining in a yard if the program was to be successful. So, she met the tow truck driver and drove with him to the house a second time. Removing her top and bra, she led the way to the door. When it opened, she said to the man, "Look at these," and pointed to her tits. She had his attention at once. He agreed to have the junky cars removed. Toxic wastes including oil, gas, and antifreeze were removed not only from his yard but from several others as well.

Janice was slightly worried that some men at Fairview would be disappointed because 34 of them had requested topless girls, but only 18 had agreed to be topless. Actually, however, she need not have worried as the girls in the sororities had agreed that to insure the success of the program, all of them would voluntarily go topless. Only three girls in the sororities would not go along with this decision, and they dropped out of the program. The result was 37 topless young women ranging from 18 to 23 years in age.

The day of the event was most festive. It began with Janice getting on the school bus that she had been able to secure to transport the sorority girls. While she had to pay the school district for the bus, the driver had agreed to donate his time when he heard that he might have to suffer through seeing nearly 40 babes topless!

When all the co-eds were on board and they were on their way across town to the Fairview neighborhood, Janice got the microphone and went over the plan of the day. Once they got there, each girl would be let off at a house, and she should go right up and introduce herself to what was expected to be three men in each yard. She should say only her first name and not give other identifying information. Once each co-ed introduced herself, she should pull off her top, pull off her bra, put these items in the sack provided with her first name on it, and immediately put the men on the tasks at hand. She should work alongside them throughout the day.

Janice commented that portable toilets were already distributed up and down the street. All co-eds were urged not to go inside any house at any point during the day, even if invited. A series of plain-clothes police officers were already stationed throughout the neighborhood, and any of them could be called upon for assistance if there was any trouble. Further, as Janice proudly pointed out, all officers had volunteered for today's duty without pay once they had heard of what the scenery would be like!

Janice also commented out that a tool truck would be going up and down the street passing out tools and yard waste containers, that a garbage truck would pick up containers throughout the day, and that a truck would come midmorning and mid-afternoon with free refreshments. That same truck would deliver sack lunches at noontime.

Finally, Janice made the following remark to all the girls: "As far as we know, no one has ever tried to clean up a whole neighborhood like we are trying to do today using sex. So, we don't know quite how it will go. It is possible that especially as we get into the afternoon, some of the men will get tired and want to quit before their yards are clean. If that starts to happen with your men, be as creative as you can to keep the guys going. This might mean giving them much praise, breaks as needed, and whatever else you can think of to motivate them."

"What if we just can't seem to get them motivated?" asked one pretty co-ed.