by MONALISALEE
I can't believe you submitted this without assistance from an "editor." I could not get beyond the first couple of "paragraphs" before I decided to leave this comment. Simply bad.
Why in the world would you think you could write a story in English.?? You creamed this story and I quit reading after 4 or 5 paragraphs of pure stupid spelling and story line. Go back to school and learn English and then take a couple of years of writing lessons so that we won't get sick and come back and try again.!
Hopefully I will have passed on by then.*
I'll give you credit for effort but you lose all credibility with the attempt to write in English which is surely NOT your primary language.
Assistance is available. Ask for and USE it.
This story was so poorly written it was far from erotic. What a mess of a story!
Please no more. Unless you have somebody who can proof read before posting.
Reads like it was written by a 7 year-old, haphazard, disjointed sentences, nonsense piled on even more nonsense. This story is dross and puerile garbage of the worst kind, obviously written by a non-English speaker, (probably Indian) who believes they have full and in-depth command of the language; news flash; no you don't, and it shows in every single line and disjointed sentence. No stars