All Comments on 'Shadow Lake Estates Ch. 04'

Something like:

"In this chapter we start with Murgatroyd. He's married to Martha but he's having it off with Felicity.

Next we have xxx and so on."

Too late now, but just a thought for next time.

Lue

Holly decides to get expelled (because you seem to have left out the part where the teachers boot her ass home for fighting and for showing "crack, crack and crack) and Dan loses his shit because her boss kissed her AFTER a great marathon sex session? Holy Jump to Conclusions, Batman!

I don't know hats going to happen but you've got nowhere to go so, this is where I get off.

Only laughable!!!

I don't know what else to say swingerjoe.

Thank you for the effort.

AMerryman

Except for Luedon, no one offered anything resembling constructive criticism. Just the usual "minus 8", "this is drivel", ( as if they even know what the word means), and the wise old whack my limp noodle who talks a lot, but says nothing. This storyline is no different than a soap opera, and they still seem to have viewers. And much like you can change the channel if you don't like the show, you can click a tab here and find a differsnt. I know. It was hard for me to grasp also, but it's true. And you know, here's another revelation: Kids have fights at school every day and don't get caught nor expelled. Shocking but true. Stupid idiots!

The confrontation...This part was about the confrontation between Dan and his wife...I can see his doubts: Did she only kissed her boss? still 2*

Listen up closet fag .this story sucks . Look at the weak scored . Just stop writing

A few years from now, I will re-read this story, and then I'm sure that I will see what you (and many others) are seeing. Right now, this story is too fresh for me. I know these characters inside and out, so it's very easy for me to follow their story lines.

One of the problems is that the admins are taking their sweet time releasing these chapters. When more than 48 hours passed between chapters, I can see why readers would get confused as to who is doing what. That's why I recommended to one reader, back in Chapter Two, to just wait until all of the chapters have been posted before reading again. There are seven. I expect that Lit will get around to posting Chapter Seven by Thanksgiving.

As soon as Chapter Seven is released, I plan to submit another story where I pull Dan and Denise's story out of this one and let it stand on its own. It will be another experiment. These are all experiments, folks. That's why I'm here.

Lue, here ya go:

1) Dan and Denise Price. New to the neighborhood. Marital problems.

2) Art and Roxanne Clevinger. Art is having a BDSM affair with Asha.

3) Tom and Karla Donaldson. Whacky hipsters who enjoy role-playing a little too much.

That's it. Three main plots. Kiersten and Holly have their little subplot as well, and that will have a major impact on this story eventually. But that's it in a nutshell.

I have to admit that this isn't your best work. There are too many distractions. The short chapters make it choppy and the multiple story lines become a bit distracting. One commenter compared it to a soap opera, which is accurate. But this story is like a soap opera that is only 15 minutes long. You don't really have time to become invested before it's over.

If it were any other writer, I would have stopped reading. Better luck next time.

By the brilliance of Swingerjoe's talent. Predictable and boring as always. For someone who constantly complains of unoriginality in others, you sure lack any originality yourself.

You build the most ridiculous person possible, endow him with the stupidity of yourself and then laugh at this poor caricature of a human you've created. Your constant stupid moralizing is nauseating. You should leave that to people who actually have morals

I'm just gonna go out on a limb and guess: you didn't actually read this story, did you?

Somebody woke up angry this morning. It's so sweet of you to come to the defense of an author. The content of your rants sound familiar, must have read it before somewhere else. Relax fellow, this is a porn site, not an English class at the University. On second thought, maybe it's good therapy to blow off steam now and then at the morons who just don't understand good literature. Is that it?

Joe, sorry can't comment on your story since I didn't bother to read it, but I'm sure it's as wonderful as this anon thinks it is.

What? Joe complain? You must have him mistaken for some one else. lol

Except for one, the complainers haven't arrived yet, but it won't be long, they'll be swinging, I mean slinging, hurling, whatever, at anybody that doesn't meet their approval.

Actually the story is kind of interesting. Yes, there are too many characters introduced too soon and the chapters are too short, but not so bad when they are read all at once. Shadow Lakes is just another Peyton Place, people don't change much and they react to crisis and stress in pretty much the same ways.

# 1

Sure Tom only gets off when watching his wife get raped, all normal stuff there. Maybe next time just have the thugs beat her up a little, see if he still cums on himself. Maybe if they just slap her around a while he can still get excited without cumming in his pants. I will need Lou to explain how he is a "good person" that just likes watching his wife get raped because I see him as a complete asshole unworthy of a wife.

You were right Joe, when you said nobody would guess what came next. I bet nobody guessed "nothing". Are you still spoon fed?

So far it is interesting, but literature is full of bad stories with good chapters. I think this is a 4 or a 5 at this point, but I'm not going to rate just the parts. You can have great ingredients but end up with a lousy dish. So far so good.

As far as Denise kissing her boss, Dan is partially right, she needs to file harassment charges and be prepared to quit. Don't care if they have to move in with their parents or both work at less profitable jobs, no amount of money is worth your marriage and your self respect. But telling Denise she has to leave the house? Now Dan is acting too stupid to care about. So that sub-story is quickly dissolving into who gives a shit what happens. If Dan and Denise can't figure how to handle this bullshit then they both deserve whatever pain their stupidity brings them. Wonder what they'll do when Holly comes up pregnant?

An interesting tale so far. Will wait to rate. Thanks for the effort.

My memory is not what it used to be so with so many characters introduced so fast and with no connection and days in between these episodes composed of small vignettes I find myself having to go back to remember characters and details. I believe the soap opera would be good if the episodes were posted daily. Perhaps since you (Swinger) knew how the administrators post stories at Lit you should have combined episodes to alleviate some of the disconnect. Still the writing is good and I look forward to reading the next vignettes in a few days.

anon.1

Multiple characters/couples within a single story is the most difficult technique to successfully complete as an author within LW. Some of these characters are interesting, but the series of scenes with each chapter post are so brief it makes it very difficult to follow along without having to go back to the previous chapter.

SJ should make the chapters longer, and have more detail and story about a fewer number of couples and then alternate between them. Take his time and make it easier for the reader to remember the characters. The post that said LW readers are "too stupid" to follow along was inane.

The ultimate master of the multi-character story is Rehnquist's "Knox County", a tour de force of multiple story lines and characters, all brilliantly woven together, and that author took his time so that each character and couple are vivid and easy to remember because you knew who they were.

You are absolutely right that if I had written (or published) this story differently, it would have been better received. If I had given the characters more exotic/memorable names, readers might be able to identify them better. If I had made the chapters longer, or dedicated each chapter to a single story line, it might have helped. Live and learn. That's what this experiment is all about.

I haven't (yet) read the story by Rehnquist that you mentioned, but I did click over to the comments, just out of curiosity. I had to smile when a few of the readers complained about there being too many characters, too many complex plots happening at once, too much jumping around, etc., etc.. If one of the all-time greats received such criticism then I don't feel so bad about my own effort.

I also don't agree with the previous anon who stated that the problem with this story is that LW readers are stupid. Javmor is one of the most astute readers on this site. If he is confused by this story, then obviously I haven't executed it properly.

My recommendation to everyone is to stop reading, wait a week or so, and if so inclined, read the rest of the story in order after it's published in its entirety. Unfortunately, it looks as though Lit is going to delay publishing the next chapter by another day. That's one more day for readers to forget what has happened up to now.

Thanks for your comment. I'll be interested to read what you think about the entire story when it is finally published.

I think I will follow your advice to wait until the entire story is published before reading the rest. In fact I plan to start over and see how things go. I hate to just pile on but of course I am going to anyway. In trying to advance all of the main character's individual parts to the overall story in each chapter what you've ended up with is confusion among us, the dear and gentle readers. I shall wait.

Nike others, I'm not bothered by the multitude of characters as much as I am how short each segment is. There isn't time to get to know them before we switch to a new thread with new characters. Still, I'm anxious to see where you go.

I can usually enjoy a story that I do not agree with, but well written. I have to stop reading this story for though it is written well, I do not like any of the characters and I hate them more with each chapter.

You almost solved the problem when you made the recommendation to wait til all the chapters were published before reading this story. The real solution would be not to read any of this junk since you have no concept of writing a good story. I would suggest you ask BlackRandi1958 or DFWBeast to teach you how to write but you probably pissed that chance away.

So take comfort in your low rated score, that only three have favored this chapter, that it has less than 10,000 views, and only closing in on 30 comments. Good laugh since many of the comments are from you trying to defend yourself.

Don't worry, your daisy chain buddies Lex1 and luedon will continue to tell you how great you are even though neither of the dumb motherfucker know anymore about writing than you do.

I have read all chapters and at no stage has there been any cuck shit so I assume you do not like the author and have just assumed. In fact the opposite has happenned in that he has gone ballistic at a kiss, so suggest, Anon you read before commenting.

Although I have to say I hope we are not going down that street, it will make a change if it doesn't but until it does I will keep on reading

JJ

Thanks, but you're probably not familiar with the "1* stupid fag cuck shit" guy. He leaves that comment on every story by every author he doesn't like, regardless of the story's content. Not only that, but he actually took the time to leave that comment on every chapter of this story this morning!

But wait! It gets even better! Not only do these guys (and there are a number of them) take the time out of their busy schedules to scroll to the bottom of my latest story and leave their little one-bomb, but they will actually take the time to scroll through EVERY one of the stories I've written over the past several years and one-bomb them as well!

And people wonder why I don't care about the ratings on this site? These guys don't even seem to realize that I'm laughing at them. They're completely oblivious. That one anony is pointing out scores and numbers of comments as if this is some sort of contest. Dude...it's a free, amateur, anonymous, erotic story site. Why on earth do you think I would care about the opinions of a bunch of anonymous people I've never met, and never will meet? If I were using my real name, and/or if I were getting paid to do this, THEN I would care!

Anyway...thanks for reading, JJ. It is readers like you that I actually do care about. You and a handful of others are the sole reason I share what I write on this site.

This story hasn't exactly captured my imagination, although the writing is good, as usual. Perhaps it isn't the story, but my brain. I'm a linear kind of person.

I will give you credit for one thing though... At least you didn't need five editors, two beta readers, a pre-post reader, and the Dean of Loving Wives to give a critical review. You wrote an experimental story, and success or fail, you did it yourself. Respect to you.

Commenting on your own story, anonymously. Don't you think we can tell it's you? What a pussy. Fucking coward.

Had just one beef with chapter 1 having too many brand new characters and you managed to wrangle them all in nicely and they are all distinct now. I like how Dan blows his lid. Guys do this when they are compensating for something important like not having a job. I know enough to also realize that guessing the boilerplate ending would use up all my luck so I will just stick with my Harrahs Superbook Handicap gamble and not venture a nice dinner. That being said, Dan needs to start trimming his neighbors bush, Hank should find some 30 year old condom wrappers in his wife's gardening box, Art will open a kennel and Holly will be denied entrance to college because she is too damn young you sick pedophile. LOL. I enjoy this site.

Looking forward to the next installment.

I'm practically in tears I'm laughing so hard. Thanks, man. Next round is on me.

When is the next chapter coming out? I've enjoyed the story so far.

...will be posted tomorrow. Again, sorry to all the readers who are trying to follow along with this story. When I submitted all of the chapters at the same time, my assumption was that they would be posted on consecutive days.

cuck shit.