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Knowing that I have to say something after such a wondrous thing, I whisper to her, "I think I could see being with you forever."
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 11 years agomummy... yes? ...when i grow up i want to be... what do you want to be? ...a...
SHADOW-FUCKING-REAPER!!!!!!!!... *faint*
'nuff said.
if you don't continue it would truly be a sad thing. however it is good for this story to have lived, even if the end was painfully premature. even though this stories death was such a painful end to such promise, i am not sorry that i read it and that it lived in me for a single, beautiful, glorious, moment in time.
Dirge_Infernoabout 11 years agoI don't mean to come off as a grammar Nazi, but I did see a few errors here and there. (such as knowing when to use to, too, or two.) Some of your diction came off as a little repetitive. Also, it would help to stick with one tense and one perspective throughout the whole story. You begin the story in 3rd person limited, and then switch to first person for the remainder. Lastly, most of the story is told in present tense, but you throw in some past tense conjugation randomly.
Story wise I think you did fairly well. I do wish you had explained the "binding" concept a little better, and explain why Elia sought out James specifically.
Sorry to sound overly critical. I'll be interested to see what you come up with next.
Anonymousover 11 years agoI enjoyed it very much. It was well written i think you should do more.
Anonymousover 11 years agoI dont think you rambled. A good backstory is key. If the story is all about sex it gets boring. Please turn this into a series
