All Comments on 'Shaft Construction Ch. 01-02'

I am enjoying the start to this story - brings up the emotions inside each of us as we think back to time(s) that we exchanged how we felt about someone for the first time -- that roller coaster of happiness and being scared to death! The seductive scene at the end was wonderful as well.

The only thing that ruined this story for me were the authors comments. It took me totally out of the story each time - it may just be me, but I like to lose myself in the story and not feel like I am sitting here reading it with someone else. It made me feel as if the writer felt she wasn't doing her job in the story and had to steer me further to get her point across. Sorry - but hope you lose the side comments for the rest of the story.

I understand that you do not appreciate my use of asides as a litererary device, I am neither the first, nor the last to use such. I follow in the footsteps of Charles Dickens. He used such devices in Nicholas Nickleby, and I daresay that you would not criticize his use of them. I will continue to use them in this story to engage my readers to make them feel a part of the story and as a method of evoking humor. While this is a fictional love story, dear reader, you must admit that it's premise is highly unlikely and at times very funny. LOL!!!!!

A situation that happens many times. Descriptions and development are spot on. good job

Yes, Dickens wrote asides, as did many authors through the 17th,18th and 19th centuries. Their substance, for the most part, was not carnal. Rather pedagogical pontificating paragraphs last several pages.((Reader: how boring would fucking be if the sentences, and hence, the paragraphs, were written as so ridiculously inane as my comment!)?

Basically, your asides stopped the rhythm and, hence, the excitement. The excitement of fingering Toni's clitoris, covered but not concealed, in an opened-air public carriage ride, crescendoed until (Reader: By the way...) appeared.

If you insist on asides to explain any part of the story, then, at least, don't interrupt the "moment". It would have been more descriptive and sensational to mention the up-and-down motion or the carriage. Or, the dismay (shock) on a passer-by (female), hearing Toni's moans over the horse's hoofs.

The reader's at E-Lit appreciate stories like you produce. Your stories are not derived from some formula-approach. Rather, they are creative. Easily understood yet complex psychologically. Save the "asides" for the authors of the past.

Thank you.

Didn't he get off.?

This story has a delightful 'olde worlde' atmosphere about it. I greatly enjoyed the 'asides'. I recall Jane Eyre declaring 'Reader, I married him,' when she finally sees the blinded Mr Rochester.

Robertodavo aka Robert Davidson.