by claud137
I have only just found this story, ten years too late I think. If you are still writing I would love to read part two. I think the comments may have put you off, but nice work.
I'm going to judge your analytical skills by how long it takes you "dumb ass". If you could post it for us. I'll make my own judgements then
Here's how this story should have read:
I'm receiving treatment now, for AIDS. I don't know if my wife gave it to me or my married ex-lover. I don't know how I'm going to pay for these continued treatments. My ex-wife died the other day from the disease. Her whole family won't talk to me, and my kids don't seem to want much to do with me either.
Life sucks.
...that have absolutely no idea of what love is.
Period.
A cheater is called a cheater for a reason, instead of say perhaps, trustworthy.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with an open or even cuckold relationship. But cheating on your spouse? It ain't just wrong, it is an evil act of spite.
Just another author that doesn't understand the meaning of the word - complete. This trash was just bad.
so he could see what she's doing, as she's found out what he's doing....??
Nice fiction.
Reality: AIDS
There's a reason you're supposed to be faithful, folks--your life!
One commenter remarked on how well the emotion was expressed. Uh....what emotion? It's just a story about two people fucking around on each other....hell....animals in the wild basically do the same thing and it's just about as mindless. The only emotion I derive out of it all is sadness, that two people with so little self respect and esteem would bear children, and I doubt two such people could grow old together since they're playing russian roulette with their privates.
Or I may have to unload my stomach in the toilet.
definitely looking forward to part 2, hope it happens!! thanks for your efforts
I enjoyed your story. The first reaction by husband reads well. Keep it rolling if you can.
My wife left the other comments, I liked the story, and I agree with some of the comments written, it does get dry at points but I like they way you tried to convey the characters emotions. I think there are MANY erotic directions the story can go. I delete rude and nonconstructive comments from our stories.
I love erotica because we can leave behind the necessary safety of reality. I wonder if these douche bags saying things like unreal or couldn't happen comment on the werewolf and ghost stories as well.
I wish we could block Anonymous commentators.
keep it up!!
The anonymous comments seem by and large to be negative and of no value as constructive criticism. Stories are for enjoyment either by the reader or the writer. If you are not deriving any pleasure from a plot line...MOVE ON! No one is forced to read any of these tales. If you don't like a channel, change it or turn it off but don't slam the writer. I happen to enjoy these stories. I am sure the author is well aware of STD's etc. and it is possible to be erotic about the use of a condom but it lends little to the narrative and the haranguing comments to the lack of attention to this point lend nothing to the conversation. I am looking forward to part two. My one request is for more "action". Describe the sex in lurid detail. :)
I think I will have my hubby read this tomorrow ;) Sounds like an adventure I could get into!
So good to see a guy listen to logic. Why shouldn't she do the same thing that he does. Maybe she does it because she found out about him and decided she could do the same. Maybe they can open up and have fun together. We did and are still together 30 years later. It sounds like these two are well suited for each other, too.
As for the comments on the writing - this is not a writing class. It is far better written than some posts here, and costs nothing.
and well written. No one that anyone could like in here but... let`s see where it
goes!
That's the only good thing about it. A husband and wife cheating on each other for years. He's an asshole hypocrite. Is she? I guess we'll wait for the next chapter.
Shame that I really like the way you write because the main character is a real ass. It's okay for him to cheat FOR 10 YEARS but he gets judgemental for her doing the same. Perhaps she figured what was good for the goose is good for the gander. It would serve him right.
The part that always ruins these types of stories is when the guy gets an erection. He gets upset and hurt, which one would expect (though in his case he is just as guilty so Then he goes and gossips about his marriage to his fuckbuddy. Seriously?
Too much distracting detail. Linear and plodding. Starts out strong then bogs down in boring and unnecessary back story. Punch it up, cut the dross and add some dialogue.
The cast of characters (sex partners) already looks like a plate of spaghetti. Perhaps a spicy Alfredo sauce oozing around! Perhaps a can of slimy worms before it is over! Agree that there are NO people here so far that are above considerable reproach!
Looking like a four, so far!
These two people (the stars of the story) are extremely dysfunctional and therefore barring an ephifany of one or both nothing worth a shit can come from this story and the author has threatened to keep throwing more shit into further chapters. The author seems to want us to care who is responsible for their outlandish extramarital sexual behavior, but a sane person would ask who the fuck cares because the answer would lead us nowhere because at the end of chapter 1 they both are waist deep in fucked out sex with mulitple partners none of whom either one is married too.
A great story with an interesting premise and wonderful writing. I really enjoyed it as it brought back fond memories of my youth and fortunately in the last few years my lovely wife has begun to participate in her own adventures. I will show her this story as soon as she gets back home tonight:)
swinging marriage means they do it together.
marriage means at least trust, so they have nothing
mature is something that normally comes with age, they already passed it= senile
std, in the very early 80ties you are right there were none deadly, thats why I think I'm happy to be 50 years old. we had just be careful enough not to make a new life. Today you also have to pay attention not to kill somebody or get killed slowly and painful.
so what do we have here ? a couple that literally shares nothing at all. he works there she works somewhere else. the kids are not theirs, just hers (guess) he has his life, she has hers. oh they share a house, on occasions (rare) a family reunion, sometimes sex eventhough she has a lot more sex with others and he every now and then. with hiv and hepatitis you have to say, besides saying it to each other, they don't give a shit about the other. have I forgotten something ?
oh yes of course, the most important thing here. what on earth is erotic, sexy or hot ? well that question I guess we will never be answered. In part 10 he will find out why she was called easy, in part 20 she will explain to him (like in kindergarden) if you can fuck one I can fuck 10 times more and in the comment I will asked the author how he ever came to the conclusion that either of them was smart and made enough money to survive.
Does the wife know that he cheats? It seems likely, since these plots usually go that way. One does have to wonder if this imaginery world has STD's and HIV, or if this couple is safe with their many partners since disease doesn't happen here. In a real fantasy world, it is never a problem. I'm just not sure how serious the writer wants us to take this story. If it is a "serious story" our hero's lady friend should also be concerned that her lover's wife is doing gang bangs. That could eventually come back to bite her in the ass with an STD, and then her husband, and then the cat would be out of the bag. Neither spouse is very likable here thus far. Actually, all the characters are liars and cheats. Will any, or all, of them come to realize it's the lies that destroy relationships? We'll see.
Get the feeling you may be leading this down the plot line of... He Doesn't Know That I Know.
Interesting premise for a story and well executed. I'm looking forward to reading more.
HIV, herpes, and a host of other wonderful gifts that keep on giving? Neither character is someone that I'd like to know, that's for sure.
This was ...ok ....barely. The narrator talks like a squarejohn, for being a avowed player. There were upticks of hotness in the story, the freaky flashback to college scene with the gang bangs but it was kept on fairly distant memory level. More detail could have been interesting.
As a man , who appreciates those women 'of a certain age' who fight the good fight against father time, the narrator's wife sounded quite savory. I would also say the ' what does a player do, when he is being played ' concept is indeed rife with potential.
The narrator seems to be taking a passive approach. He is paralyzed by his love for his wife and the skeletons in his closet. One thing for sure if he doesn't do something he will be a knowing cuck which for most readers is a grade below an unwitting one.
An 'all cards on the table', showdown scene between the two closet freaks could be dynamic in the hands of a expert author. Otherwise the husband will just be a self-muzzled face/ observer in his slut wife's crowd.
We will see if the author's skill is up to channeling the extremely fluid ( pun intended ) situation with the arrival of next installment.
enlightenment comes at the most unexpected times. Seems taking the phone and
starting with, 'I think we need to have a conversation'. Maybe better to leave each to their own interests, apart from the other? Equal fault, and consequences
The story line has promise, please continue. A bit more dialog would liven up the characters and I agree that this is now a swinging marriage. Can't wait for ALL of them to get together and have a real orgy...
I like to know how many guys I know who fucked around on thier wives every chance they get & when they find out that the little woman had a fling on the side they go nuts with jealousy. Think before you ruin something that's good. Bring on the next part.
this is now a swinging marriage. TK U MLJ LV NV