All Comments on 'Shipwrecked'

There is a statement in the prologue which doesn't match.

"It is set at the end of the Victorian era and just before the Civil War. "

I'm assuming you mean the American Civil War (1861-1865) and not the English (1642-1651) or the Spanish (1936-1939) Civil Wars.

The Victorian era lasted throughout Queen Victoria's reign (1837-1901), therefore American Civil War took place in the middle of the Victorian era.

Re the story, I like shipwreck incest stories as there is a lot of potential for sex while alone on an island. This story, however, was 9/10ths talk/description and 1/10th actual sex. The ending was also very abrupt and didn't really wrap up the story effectively.

Re the anon's "Awesome" comment, dude, you are one sick fucker.

Must've been some storm. Shipwrecked on a Pacific island, they woke next day under African skies. Needs editing and the ending is abrupt.

The set up is failed by the peremptory description of the sex and the tone varies alarmingly between Victorian formal and 21 st century slang. It's good enough to be worth a second effort at polishing and developing.

Though I was a bit startled when they start in the Pacific, and then on page 2, Cynthia is outlined by the African sun as she stands in the doorway to the cave. Hmm. Leftover from the original story draft?

Agreed, the ending felt rushed; the denouement covering many years was almost too brief, covering too many events.

Granted, the division of the spheres of men and women was pretty strong a hundred and fifty years ago. Women ran the house, men interacted outside the house. Annabelle, however, ran her late husband's business for a while, so she had to have had some moxie. Still, Annabelle barely even questions whether to initiate Cynthia into incest. Cynthia casually accepts her new role is to be her brother's - father's woman.

Part of the interest in shipwreck stories is describing how the circumstances strip away social veneer as the castaways get back to basics - food, water, and shelter. Weather and wear and tear of clothing leads to partial or complete nudity. Then there are the social /sexual relationships. With a couple of sentences, Annabelle was buried, Barton and Cynthia had their baby and were rescued.

The shipwreck itself becomes superfluous; the real story becomes Mom giving her daughter /granddaughter to her son. Cynthia's discovery that she wasn't losing just her grandmother, but the mother she'd thought lost and never known? Learning that daddy is also her half-brother? Learning she'd been lied to for twenty years? The rest of the story was like a travelogue -- including the birth of their child. "We went to Milan and saw all the sites. Had a good time." Not even a name or a sex for their child.

Too, Barton might not have suffered, but it is likely Cynthia's second and presumably additional pregnancies would leave her and the children ostracized by many in town.

Writing takes effort, and this is fairly well crafted. It kind of works as a "historical snapshot" of how one family starts a tradition of incest, but otherwise, there's no conflict or challenge for the characters. Thanks for sharing!

Why would you kill off the mother at the end and ruin a really nice tale?

Your geography is a little messed up, but others have already made you aware of that. I have a problem, in a general way, of what people call a 'desert island'. The islands that most stories take place on, where humans can survive with plant and animal life, are not at all desert. They are uninhabited islands, not desert islands. If they had once been populated and are no longer, they could be called deserted islands, but still would not be desert. I think you probably discarded the rest of the story precipitously and should have reconsidered keeping it. You also need a proofreader. The incest is good. There was no unwelcome advances, their growing intimacy was very organic. Cynthia and her Father are becoming intimate in a totally different setting, though they seem to be just as dedicated to one another. The Victorian notion that Men are naturally polygamous and Women are naturally monogamous is very true. In a largely Christian world, this is taught in the Bible beginning with Genesis. It is a attitude that would solve many of the world's problems if it were widely accepted

You say this story is set after the Victorian Era and just before the Civil War. The Civil War was from 1861-1865. The Victorian Era ran from 1837-1901.

like Charles Dekines stories

Sooo many things wrong with it. all previously stated be other readers. If you really want to be a writer I suggest you research better and get and editor...sorry if it sounds too harsh but it constructive criticism. Learn from it...⭐️⭐️

The Victorian era began in 1837 and ended in 1901, and the Civil War began in 1861. The Victorian era wasn't even at its halfway point yet.

TRITE !

Lucky man!