Shooting Matt Ch. 17

"Matt, honey," the voice continues from the phone in Liam's lap. "I'm so sorry, honey, for doing this to you, asking for something that by rights should be my job, hell, wouldn't need to be asked for at all if I hadn't been so stupid most of my life, but, honey, help my baby boy get settled down. Please? Then have him call me back. Liam? Hear me, sweetheart? It's okay. You get all that nasty shit out. Now, listen, baby. When you're done with the tears, you're gonna to be mad as hell. That's okay. You ought to be, but please, baby boy, call me back, even if it's to yell at me, call me back. Matt, love, hang up the phone for Liam, would you?"

Matt does as he's asked. A crazy part of his brain wonders how long it will take for "hang up the phone" to be replaced by "end the call". There's nothing to hang up, just a button to push. Fuck, there's not even a button, not really. And you don't push it. There's a square of light that says "end" and you touch it, you don't push it.

He moves back in bed, rolls onto his back and pulls Liam on top of him. Liam's tears are hot when they fall to his chest but rapidly grow cold as they run down his side.

Mary Beth was mistaken about one thing, Liam isn't pissed. He's exhausted. There was something in his mom's voice that squelches his anger. He cries against Matt's chest, nose running, for long minutes. He doesn't bawl or sob. He cries. Years of anger, sadness, worry, resentment, fear fall onto Matt's strong chest, and stronger heart. They roll down his side and disappear. Matt doesn't speak. He just holds his lover, his friend, rocking him and letting him cry.

Liam is a total fucking mess when he sits up. If Matt has any doubts about being in love with him, they fade away when Liam sits up and tries to smile at him.

"Sorry," he sniffs. "I'm a huge fucking baby, if you hadn't noticed."

"No, I haven't noticed because it isn't fucking true, ass rag, so fucking shut the fuck up, bro."

Liam nods. He leans over and kisses Matt's forehead.

"I heard what you said, before mom called," Liam says softly. "I love you, too."

They hear footsteps on the porch.

"Matt? Liam? You two okay?"

It's Glenna. She sounds scared.

Liam stands. Being naked with a wet dick doesn't make it very high up his list of things to give a shit about at the moment.

"We're fine," he calls, heading toward the door. "Come on in but we're bare ass at the moment."

That doesn't slow Glenna down. She's through the door before the words have a chance to drift away. Leon is behind her.

She looks at Liam, his wet cheeks, red eyes and wraps her arms around him, mindless of his nakedness.

"Oh, Liam, what's wrong? Lee and I were having coffee and I suddenly knew we had to come up here. Something was wrong. I've never felt like that before. I just sat my coffee cup down and headed out the door. I didn't say a word. I knew Lee would be behind me." She steps back and glances at Matt.

He can't help but feel guilty. They're both naked and Liam's been crying his eyes out. How can it not look like it's his fault?

"Oh, pish," Glenna says, waving a dismissive hand in his direction and reading the look on his face, if not, in fact, his mind. "As if I can ever picture you doing something to upset Liam like this."

Leon walks past his wife toward the bed. He picks up a pair of shorts and tosses them toward Matt. He picks up a second pair and tosses them Liam. They put them on without comment.

"My mom call..."

"Oh, sweet Mary, mother of God, is she okay?" Glenna interrupts. The little she's heard about Liam's mother doesn't inspire sympathy but she does worry about the woman's son.

"Yeah, yeah," Liam assures her. "In fact, she sounds fine, better than I can remember. I was," he pauses, knowing he can never explain how different her voice was, "surprised, at how good she sounded, that's all. I've never heard her sound happy before." He shrugs. "I got all blubbery, that's all."

"Oh, Liam, I'm so relieved. I was scared to death."

"She wants me to call her," Liam replies. He holds out his phone. Shows the screen to Glenna, then to Leon. It still says, "No Service".

Glenna opens her mouth to tell him he can use the landline phone at the lodge but Liam shakes his head before she can speak. He pulls up the list of recent calls. When he touches his mother's number, they all hear her answer.

Liam wanders out to the porch. Listening. He hasn't said "hello". His mother simply began speaking. His voice is too low for the others to hear. They take seats around the kitchen table. Matt opens three beers. It is past noon, not that he cares.

He fills them in on the little bit he knows. They sip their beers in silence.

"How's the back?" Leon asks in his usual efficient voice. He's worried about Liam but since there's nothing he can do about it now, he switches his attention to Matt.

"Huh? Oh, it's good. Hurts if it flex or extend my back too much, but better. Thanks," Matt mutters, eyes darting to the front porch.

He can see Liam, beyond the billowing curtains, sitting in the rocker. He's not rocking. He's sitting on the front of rocker's seat, leaning over, head bowed. He tries to get pissed at Mary Beth. He's only met her a handful of times but Matt had heard all the high school gossip about Liam's crazy junkie mother.. He'd assumed they were mostly bullshit; he's not so sure now. He'd love to be pissed but he can't quite work up to it. Her voice hadn't had the same effect on him as it had on Liam but he wasn't immune to it either.

"You have breakfast?" Leon asks.

"Uh, no. I'm fine," Matt replies. He'd had a high protein drink but he guesses Leon won't count that.

"Come on, then. Let's get some laps in before lunch," Leon tells him. "Give your beer to Liam."

"What? No! I need to wait for Liam," Matt sputters, irritated.

"No need," Leon offers calmly. "Here he comes."

"Would it be cool with you if mom crashes here a couple of nights, on the couch?"

"You aren't putting your mother on that lumpy sofa," Leon interjects. "She can stay in the guest room at our place."

Glenna looks startled, then nods. She's never heard of this woman before the past few days. What little she's heard makes it clear her husband has little use for her and he can find a kind word to say about Hitler. She trusts him, trusts his instincts. She nods again.

"Uh, hey, mom, Glenna and Leon says you can crash at their place. That okay?" There's silence. "Mom? You there?"

"Yeah, baby boy. I'm here. Ask Leon if he's..."

The others can't hear what she's saying. They hear the murmur of a voice but not the words.

"Tell your mother, I'm sure. She's welcome to stay with us," Leon interrupts as he stands. "Liam, take that beer away from Matt. He's supposed to be training. You two meet me at the dock in fifteen. You," he glances at Matt, "have a swim team to qualify for. Drink yourselves a couple glasses of milk, yogurt if you got it and tomorrow eat breakfast. Tell your, mother to drive safe. Can you give her directions?"

They hear a voice on the phone. Liam shakes his head.

"She already has you on Google maps. She almost to Pittsburgh."

Glenna gapes. Leon shakes his head and half smiles.

"Fine. We can have lunch together, after you two get it through your heads you both have more to do than just make goo-goo eyes at each other. Meet me at the dock in ten."

"Leon?" Liam's voice is tentative. The older man looks at him, trying to look impatient and irritated. "Thank you."

"Your welcome, son," Leon replies, then scowls. "Now, hurry up. I don't have all day. The two of you seem to have forgotten you work for me now." The scowl fades into his half-smile and he heads toward the front door.

"Uh, bye mom. See you in a couple hours," Liam stammers.

"Yeah, baby. Don't let him spook ya. There's not a mean bone in his body," his mom replies and ends the call.

Liam's not so sure about that. He's seen the anger in Leon, maybe he can see it because he has his own anger so tightly bottled up. Matt has certainly seen it.

***

Liam collapses onto the dock. Matt joins him, a few milliseconds later. Fucking Leon stands over them, shaking his head, not even breathing hard.

"Not too bad. Far from great, but not too bad," he offers. "Get up. You'll get stiff. Shower, quick, then come on down to the lodge." They lie there, breathing hard. "Snap to it. Mary Beth'll be here soon. Up." He kicks the bottom of Liam's foot.

Leon had swum their asses off, Matt especially, but Liam, too. He'd almost forgotten his mom was on her way. Hell, the way she drove she might already be here. He rolls to his feet, offers Matt a hand and pulls him up.

"Do I have time to give Matt a rub down? At least his back," Liam asks.

"Sure," Leon says, ignoring Matt's objections. "Rub his back down. His back. Save the rest of him for later."

That manages to make Liam smile.

They shower fast, mostly keeping their hands off each other. It takes Liam a minute to get the table set up, which threatens to piss him off but he takes a breath and relaxes. He mostly massages Matt's back. His gluts are part of his back, aren't they? He realizes he's stalling. He's nervous.

Matt rolls off the table. His stomach growls. He pulls Liam close and kiss him.

"Come on, bro. It'll be fine," he whispers in his ear before biting the lobe.

"Dammit," Liam hollers, moving away. "You know that gives me fucking goose bumps." He's smiling as he says it and steps right back into Matt's arms. He sighs. "Okay, let's do this."

It's the middle of the afternoon, sliding on into supper time. The lodge is deserted. There's not even anyone in the pool. It's nap time, apparently.

His mom sits on one side of a table for six. Glenna and Leon are hovering around the snack bar. Glenna looks nervous. Leon? Unperturbed as usual.

Mary Beth rises and crosses the room to her son. She grabs him, eyes streaming. She rocks him in her arms. His arms go around his mom. He doesn't really know how to hug her; this is something new for him.

Matt is surprised at how small a woman she is. He remembers her as being a giantess, maybe because he was always afraid of her. She's shorter than Liam and he's not that tall. She looks up and her eyes find Matt's. She smiles and holds out one arm.

When he gets close enough, she pats his cheek and then wraps him up in the hug. She squeezes them both, hard, then steps back. She squares her shoulders with a sigh, turns, and walks over to the snack bar.

She doesn't go to Leon; she goes to Glenna.

"May I come back there," she asks.

Glenna frowns but nods her head.

Liam watches as his mom moves around the bar. She takes a startled Glenna by the hands.

"I..." she starts and stops when her voice cracks. She starts again, only to stop again. She takes a deep breath, clears her throat and forces herself to look into Glenna's confused face. "I need to apologize to Leon but I'm not as worried about that as I am about you. I hurt your husband. I hurt him on purpose. I hated him. I wanted to make him suffer and I did. I was cruel. I went out of my way to hurt him." She's crying now but pushes on. "He never was cruel back. If he hated me at all, it was because of what I was doing to Randy, not to him. There are reasons why I was such an awful, awful, person but they don't matter. They were reasons not excuses. There are no excuses for what I did to that sweet kid and good man you married. None. I'm sorry but that doesn't do much for the pain I caused him, and through him, you. I don't expect your forgiveness. I'm sure Leon hasn't told you much about me. He should. If you decide you don't want me here I'll totally understand. I'll hop in the car and get outta your hair."

She turns to Leon, standing at the other end of the counter. She drops Glenna's hands and walks to Leon.

"Leon, I'm so, so sorr..."

The rest is lost in sobs as she buries her face in her hands. Liam starts to go to her but Matt puts a hand on his arm.

If Leon hesitates, none of them can see it. He puts his arms around Mary Beth and she rests her head against his chest.

"Don't be silly, Mary Beth. We were a bunch of dumb kids. There's..."

His body stiffens, he holds her away from his body, looking shocked.

"The engineer? The railroad engineer? You saw him too?"

She gapes at Leon.

"You mean you've seen him?"

Leon nods. "My freshman year. An old man in grimy coveralls and battered engineer's hat."

"It can't be him then. This guy was old but if he's the same guy you met he'd be ancient."

"Well, it's clear this isn't going to be a short story and I for one am hungry," Glenna says. "Boys, give me a hand." She smiles at them. "That's not a request. You work for me. Remember?"

"Uh, Glenna?" Mary Beth asks.

"Yeah?"

"May I help you? We don't have to talk. Just tell me what you need."

Glenna considers the request. She nods. "Sure." She smiles. "Actually, that's perfect. Boys, the pool needs cleaning. Leon will show you how to check the pH later. Right now all you need is the strainer and the pool vac. Leon, honey, show they how to hook up the vac, will ya?"

He nods and gives the boys a come-on-no-use-thinking-you-can-get-around-her-on-this-one gesture with one hand. It's harder than it looks. The strainer is twelve-feet long, skimming it over the water is tough. By the time he's done, Matt's chest runs with sweat and his shoulders burn.

Liam's also drippin' sweat. Running the vac up and down the walls is the worse. The hose keeps falling back in the pool, and even collapsed the, vacuum handle is awkward. Leon disappears as soon as he's sure they know what the hell they're supposed to be doing. Job finished, they dive in the pool and glide to the other end. Matt barely notices his back. They dry off in the hot sun, or they try to. Fresh sweat replaces the pool water.

"Come on fellas, lunch is ready," Leon calls from the clubhouse door. "I left a couple of towels on the counter. We decided to move this shindig upstairs."

He disappears and the door shuts behind him.

Inside, there's a sign on the countertop saying the snack bar is closed and to free to use the rec room, gratis. Several ping pong paddles are stacked up on the counter, along with pool cues, balls, and chalk.

They each grab a towel. They look around, realizing they don't know the way to the upstairs.

"Over here," Leon sticks his head out of a doorway near the back.

They eat first. Everyone, even Mary Beth, is too famished to let nerves get in the way of eating.

As if by unconscious consensus, they all push their plates back at the same time.

Mary Beth tells her story, quietly, without drama. Liam's face loses all color when she describes sticking the needle in her neck.

Leon interrupts. He describes the old man, not how he came to meet him, just the old man. Mary Beth is quiet but the look on her face tells the others that Leon's description is dead on. She nods and whispers, "I forgot about that", when he describes how the left strap of the old man's coveralls was knotted, not just twisted but knotted where the stitching holding the buckle in place had frayed.

She tells the rest of the story. Without being asked, she twists her head to the side. Glenna gazes at her neck. There's a small white scar, not much bigger than an eighth of an inch. It's not big but it's there and it sits atop the bulge of Mary Beth's jugular.

"That's new," Liam offers, as if his mom's story needs validation. "It looks old but that scar is new."

The others nod.

"You were really going to kill yourself? To get back at dad? At me?"

Mary Beth drops her head but before she speaks, she raises it and meets her son's gaze. "Yeah, baby boy, I was."

That, as if more was needed, convinces Liam something profound has happened to his mother. The mother he grew up with would never concede, never accept blame.

He nods. "I'm glad you didn't," he offers.

"Me, too," Mary Beth whispers. She rubs the tears out of her eyes with her fingers. Shakes her head. "Liam, there is no one, not even your father, I owe a bigger apology to than you." His mouth opens but she shushes him with a shake of her head. "No, sweetheart, an implied apology isn't acceptable, not by a long shot. Me, simply showing up, shedding some tears and giving you a hug is not enough. It needs to be said out loud and plain and clear. I'm not beating myself up, honey. I've done more than enough of that for this lifetime. No, I'm simply acknowledging my guilt, my sins, if you prefer. I did love you but not enough to be your mother. I have caused you endless pain, made you feel as if you were to blame for my own stupid, stupid, mistakes. I'm sorry. I'll always be sorry. I can't promise you I won't make more mistakes but, honey, I can promise you they won't be as monumentally stupid as the old ones were."

Liam nods. He looks very young. He reaches for Matt's hand and clenches it. "Okay, mom. Okay," he swallows hard. "This is so fucking weird. I've heard you say similar things but never like this. There were always, like the genii says in Aladdin, a 'few provisos, a few quid pro quos'. I don't know what the fuck's happened but your different. I promise, I'll try not to throw shit from the past back in your face, try not to use it as an excuse for being an asshole. I'll try."

"Honey-baby, if you even try, you're already a better person than I'll ever was," his mom tells him.

Leon fishes his phone out of his pocket. They look at him. The phone rings. His finger brushes the glowing green "Accept" icon.

"Randy, you're on speaker phone," he intones in his flat voice.

They've reached a point when no one wonders how Leon knew Randy was about to call or that it was Randy or why Randy isn't surprised Leon knows it was him calling, or how they can be left in peace for this long with the resort full.

"Kent is with me," Randy tells them. "A week or so ago, not long after I was seduced by Matt, I began having strange dreams. They weren't dreams; I knew that much right off the bat. It still bugs me to call them visions but that's closer to the mark. One of them was about Leon, from before I met him."

He proceeds to relate his dream of Leon lying with his neck across the railroad tracks, the old man's intercession, how he went to the library, confirmed that the train yard had been shut down that night. He takes a moment to right a note, reminding himself to return the library book he'd checked out that day.

"I never told any of that to Mary Beth. Why would I? That's why I nearly shit my pants when she started describing an old man in a funny hat and overalls." There's a lull while they digest the story. "Kent seems to have gotten caught up in this as well," Randy concludes. "He's had similar experiences."

One by one, those sitting around the table, turn to look at Leon.

He nods. "That's the way it happened." He stands up. "I better see what's doing on downstairs. See ya, Randy. Kent".

He waits for their replies and ends the call.

"Matt, you should do a few more laps before supper. Don't push it. Slow and steady. We'll do a real work out in the morning. Eat an early breakfast.

His footsteps fade as he descends the stairs.

Glenna pushes a tear off her cheek. She looks at Glenna. "I have to tell you, if you'd been part of why he put his fucking neck over a goddamn fucking railroad track, I'd toss you out on your ass."

Mary Beth nods. "I know and I wouldn't blame you if you did." She looks at her son and his friend.

"Either of you ever felt like that? Felt that bad?"

"No," Matt replies immediately, shaking his head. It takes a moment for him to realize Liam hasn't said a word.

"Not to the point of actually doing anything, but sure," Liam replies at last. He looks at the others. "I thought everybody does."