All Comments on 'Showers'

... it could so easily have been excellent if only you had taken more time and done some proof reading!!

There are numerous small, annoying spelling, grammar and punctuation errors!!

For instance - sixth from last sentence - "Malcolm, next time I'll let you win, so I can I can treat you!"

'... I can I can' ...? Sorry, that is just sloppy writing!!

If YOU can't/won't proof read then get someone to do it for you.

Could have been 5 stars but I can only give it three!

could have used better proof reading, but no worse than others. but still great story, very detailed. cant wait to read next story if its as good as this one but hopefully with better grammar

Cricket's line on Page 2, "I love you, Daddy" came out of NOWHERE. I double checked and found nothing that indicates she called Malcolm this name before...You should either EDIT this so that:

[A] she calls him something else (like "Baby" or "Malcolm" or "Honey" among other simple options).

...or [B] you find a way to actually FORESHADOW the "Daddy" line. If that's supposed to be Malcolm's high-school nickname, you need to establish it back on Page 1.

~William

Although I wish I didn't have to ignore the grammar errors, misspellings, sloppy typing, and that sudden "Daddy" line that comes out of NOWHERE on Page 2 (read my other Comment on this page which explains how you can fix that).

Nevertheless, I really like this story. You did a great job of establishing the Malcolm/Cricket dynamic and showing us what they like about each other.

I really like Samantha and the way her behavior (towards Malcolm) combines *sweet & mischievous* with *incredible sexiness*.

I would love to read a Sequel about Sam *treating* Malcolm the day after the 1st story.

Since the 1st story took place on Friday night & Saturday afternoon, I'm guessing it would be Saturday night & all of Sunday in the sequel.

I want to see Sam's sex-appeal get taken to a whole new level in the 2nd story.

You said, at the end of this story, that Malcolm & Sam never left his apartment for the rest of the weekend, so you should try to come up with special/nice (and sexy) ideas for what Sam could do with Malcolm while they're cooping themselves in his apartment for a whole 1.5 days. You already did a great job at establishing Sam's sexiness in the 1st story when she was the one being treated by Malcolm...so now I want to see how she brings out her sexiness when SHE is the one who wants to treat HIM. (And you can come up with sexy ideas for what she can do to him whenever they're spending Real Quality Time and not having sex.) I want to see her BLOW MALCOLM'S MIND (and mine, too)....As long as you don't forget the personality traits that made Samantha unique in the 1st story, so you don't contradict those traits in the 2nd story, then I'd expect it to be awesome.

~William