by roticwizard
Thought you might add Natalie for a threesome.
Good for another chapter.
A lot of it seems rushed, don't be afraid to take your time to flesh out each character. Go into detail about what they look like, or what they're wearing. Let each chapter have a reason for being written. Practice makes perfect, the more you write, the better you'll get. I most certainly want to see something happen with the siblings and the waitress.
the waitress part was strange and not needed and you just rushed into the sex. from the time they got home to the time they fucked should be spread out over weeks or months. you need to build it up not just jump in with no foreplay.
I say forget the waitress and only have them sleep with eachother and focus on creating a deeper sense of romance between them
I really enjoyed your story. The interaction with the waitress brought out some of your sister's sexuality. The sister and brother go well together.
Enjoyable reading and like the others I expected the waitress to play a bigger part. Also got lost when he tore a hole in the crotch of her nylons. Thought they were thigh highs.
I think it was a hot story no matter what others might say. I hope the waitress will be included in chap 2. If she's into both of them and they both wants to get down and dirty with her, bring it on.... ;-)
read it or something very very similar before,
what was with the whole waitress thing ?
didn't go antwhere or do nothing for story
Why bother with part 2, part 1 was a bare 2 at most, and I only gave it 1, as it came out of nowhere, no real previous connection or hint here was anything there, and why do the parents always have to be dead before the 18 year-old can fuck?