All Comments on 'Sibling Benefits'

Very good writing... but this is half a story. Why write and post half a story ? It shows lack of effort and it's not worth taking the time to read half a story.

This is shaping up to be a hot story. Don't leave us waiting too long for the rest. Just a quick note from the writers perspective, try not to write in the present if you have started the story as though it was in the past.It gets a little confusing, but great start. Keep going.

more please!

Would have been much better if he had not made all the moves . He basically didn't give a homeless sister much of a choice and that doesn't make him a good guy .

Would have been 5 if it was finished!

I have to agree with everybody. It is a great start and it is ok to start a story and leave people wanting more but you have to choose where you stop very carefully. I think stopping in the middle of sex is a poor choice and it is reflected in the ratings you are getting. you will find a lot of writers on here have chapters to their stories but watch how they end and begin each chapter. The main story they are conveying is finished and they think of another story line that includes the same setting and characters or adds to what they have already written. Finish the story and next time wait until you are done to post.

where's the rest of it?

Good, write more

Good heavens, she hasn't even finished unpacking and he's got his dick in her face? This should have taken a little time, even if only an hour or two.

the words they tumble over me

ah but I am frail

images in mental eye

but will I go to jail?

obsessively regressively, i cannot trim my sail

perversity, the worst of me

far beyond the pale

i don't expect her sympathy

ah but I am frail

cannot rely on her to see

why I must not fail

i must go on alone, atone, whenever i will fail

confusion i must disregard

lest i would miss the grail

This was good, but could have been even better. I am not completely alone when i say everyone should have someone else proofread their work before publishing it. You made a common mistake among people who don’t know basic rules of grammar. You started telling your story in past tense as if it had already happened and then switched to present tense, probably for added effect. Unfortunately, present tense never works when telling a story. It is great for a movie script but not for literature. If you read your work aloud, you will realize that it is completely out of place. It is better to write the same dialogue as you would when speaking. Other than that, it was good.