Side Bet Bluff Ch. 01

"Will I get to put my shirt back on?"

"Of course not, you'd have to buy it back from me and you wouldn't have any money to do so. Though even if you had the cash, I doubt you would, you exhibitionist."

"I don't believe this," Susan repeated.

"Deal," confirmed Jaycee with a bright smile on her face. "Put that thirty dollars into the pot, then match it if you dare."

"I have to admit," came Hannah's voice from the other side of the table, "you're outdoing yourself tonight Jaycee."

"Jaycee, stop this right now," said Susan. "You can still back out. Just put your clothes back on. I'll give you whatever amount of money you want."

"No way, Susan," replied Jaycee. "A deal's a deal. I wouldn't want to go back on my word." A woman of her word? Will wonders never cease? Jaycee mumbled something I didn't quite catch, though I thought I heard the words "the only thing I have."

I called, putting sixty dollars into the pot.

"Umm. Maybe I should fold this. You guys must have really good hands," said Susan, still gawking at Jaycee's bare breasts. "Yeah, I fold."

"Ok, whaddya got?" asked Jaycee.

"What? You don't want to sell something else for another bet after either of the next cards?" I asked.

"Nah. I don't want to take too much money from you," Jaycee parried.

I flipped over my fours. Jaycee smiled and turned over an Ace and Queen of hearts. Unbelievable. She had flopped a super high two pair.

"Well this is going to be over fast," said Tim. "I think I'll have to just stare at Jaycee's chest for the thirty seconds they'll be available." Jaycee smiled broadly. Hannah rolled her eyes. Susan shot daggers at Tim, which was just as well since her boyfriend Aaron was taking Tim's comment to heart.

"That thirty seconds only counts if Hannah would deal the other cards," prodded Jaycee.

"Oh! Sorry," said Hannah. She buried the next card and then flipped over a three of spades.

Aaron was the first to see it and whistled. "Uh oh," Jaycee said next.

"What?" asked Susan.

"I've got a chance at getting either a flush or a straight," I replied. "Actually I've got a shot at a straight flush! Look. I've got the four of spades. There are an Ace, two and three of spades now on the table. So any five will give me a straight. Any spade will give me a flush. And the five of spades will give me a straight flush."

"That's thirteen outs!" exclaimed Tim.

"Outs?" asked Susan once again.

"If I get any of thirteen different cards, I beat Jaycee," I explained. "Except Tim's double-counting the five of spades and a couple cards that benefit both of us. He's also forgetting my fours. If I get another four I'll have three of a kind which will beat her two pair. So I've got twelve outs."

"You mean, Jaycee could really be topless all night?!?" gasped Susan.

"It all depends on the last card Hannah turns over."

Jaycee didn't seem put off by this. In fact, based on how far her nipples were protruding from her chest she seemed rather excited, though I couldn't tell if that was nervousness or eagerness. I would guess nervousness, but eagerness wouldn't surprise me. She still had about a 70% chance of winning.

"Ok, here it comes," said Hannah. She buried one more card and then slowly flipped over the last card.

It was a Spade! Oh no, it was the Queen of Spades! Everyone went just nuts, hooting and hollering.

"What? What? What?" yelled Susan. She still didn't see it. "Did he win? That's a spade! He got a flush!"

"In your face!" yelled Jaycee. "My money, my money, my money." I thought it was fitting that Jaycee was raking in the chips before looking for her shirt and bra.

As Aaron explained to Susan that Jaycee's full house beat my flush, and Tim and Hannah talked about how crazy the hand had been, Jaycee organized her chips without a care in the world that she was still topless. I loved it. I reached over and grabbed Jaycee's clothes from her chair.

After Jaycee finished organizing her chips into neat, color coordinated stacks, she reached behind her, and found nothing. She then turned around, and saw nothing.

"Looking for these?" I asked, showing her the shirt and bra.

"Yeah, playing keepaway for a few more minutes of gawking is a little childish, even for you," Jaycee said.

"Keepaway? No, I bought these, for thirty bucks. Maybe I'll take them home with me."

"Oh, right," Jaycee realized, "you want your thirty bucks back." She looked down at her pile of chips. "Maybe I'll just let you hold onto that for awhile."

"What?" said a surprised Susan. Actually, she wasn't the only one surprised.

"Maybe I won't buy them back until after my next win."

And here I had been thinking I was going to hold her clothes hostage and demand more money back than what I paid for them. There went all my leverage. Though Hannah was looking at me keenly, as if she could read my mind.

"No, you can't do that," said Susan. "Really."

"Fine," said Jaycee, and she held out thirty bucks in chips.

I reluctantly gave her the clothes and she turned her back to change. I thought I heard Tim sigh forlornly at the other side of the table. When a covered Jaycee turned back around, she immediately looked at me again. I gave her a wink and started organizing my chips, then had to look back. Her bra was still dangling from the back of her chair. She'd only put on the shirt.

"So whose deal?" Jaycee asked, with a small smile on her face, and her pointy nips swaying back and forth under her shirt. Us guys smiled back at her.

The game proceeded nicely from there, with most of us taking turns winning some hands. Except Susan, who all of a sudden had become hesitant with her betting and seemed to fold at the first challenge, a fact I used to my advantage by bluffing her out of her blinds twice. Conversation seemed to flow more evenly around the table with a newly subdued Susan. Tim had to make a re-buy to stay in the game, but immediately won two of the next five hands. Jaycee was doing better now, slowly building up her pile, and then she got the bulk of Hannah's chips when my ex over bet a post-flop high pair. I expected Hannah to have a fit after losing a chunk of money like that, but after a few seconds of grimacing she actually helped Jaycee with the chips. Odd.

Jaycee had become the chip leader, and kept that title for all of one hand before I took sixty bucks from her and regained the top spot.

During the evening I thought I had picked up a tell of Jaycee's. I wasn't positive, since I hadn't actually seen her flip over many hands, but I was pretty sure that Jaycee liked to bluff. And when she did she'd play with her hair. When she was bluffing but thought the other person had a good hand, she'd chew her hair. Like I said, I wasn't sure of this, since I'd only seen her cards after her bluff in that early hand when she was intentionally losing. But even then she'd been playing with her hair. It seemed to be a subtle but consistent tell.

After a few more hands, I found myself putting that belief to the test.

I was dealt the red eights while in the small blind. Jaycee was the first to raise, though I thought she was just trying to steal the pot. I called and then Aaron raised from the big blind. The other three folded and Jaycee and I both called. The flop came Queen and Jack of diamonds, and the Eight of spades. Now I was the first to bet. I had three of a kind, an outstanding post-flop hand. Aaron's raise in the first round of betting scared me. You have to have a monster of an opening hand to raise after two people have already gotten in. But having played with him for years, I had a pretty good idea that Aaron would only make that bet with Aces or Kings, or maybe Ace-King. He was an extremely tight player. I couldn't see any way that the flop helped him out. I checked, thinking that if I showed some weakness then maybe Aaron would take a stab at the pot and I could get some more money out of him. Jaycee was a mere afterthought.

Aaron announced he was betting [yes!], but then he almost seemed to change his mind as he was counting out his chips, and led out with just a $30 bet. That was very unlike him. Normally, in this situation, you bet strong or you don't bet at all. Anything that Aaron put into the pot was going to be mine, so I was pretty disappointed he changed his mind. Did I somehow telegraph to him that I was going to check-raise? At least, that was my thought process until I looked over at Jaycee. She was smirking at Aaron and raised him $70 for a hundred dollar bet. It was easily the largest bet of the night and was almost a third of her remaining chips. So far in this hand Jaycee had made bets that were bigger than Hannah's total chip count.

Now it was to me, and I was kicking myself. My second decent hand in the last half hour and I run into this? This put her initial raise before the flop into a totally different light. I thought she had just been trying to chase me and Aaron out of the pot without wanting to defend our blind bets. But now she had to have a monster hand of her own, probably her own set of Queens or Jacks. Jaycee was showing too much strength for it to be anything else. Then all of a sudden I saw it. Jaycee was playing with her hair. Not chewing her hair, so she didn't think either Aaron nor I had a hand, but what could she have? If not a pair to start, then she couldn't have any hand just yet. Maybe a flush draw? A straight draw? Maybe complete junk?

I was still the chip leader. I could afford to play a little, right? Well, if she was really ballsy she'd bet back into me after the turn and then I'd have to commit to almost my entire stack. Was I ready for that? Screw it, that's why they call it gambling. And Jaycee's tell was telling me to go for it.

"I call," I announced. Jaycee's hand froze in her hair as I pushed one hundred dollars in chips into the middle of the table. Hell, it was only a quarter of my pile. Aaron decided his strong pre-flop hand didn't look nearly as good after the flop and folded his hand.

Jaycee's eyes met mine. We both knew this was serious. The two chip leaders locking horns with a pot already twice as big as any yet won. Jaycee was the dealer this hand, so she refocused on the table, sloughed off a card like she was supposed to, then flipped over the Nine of diamonds.

I still had three of a kind, and now I even had a chance to get either a straight or a flush on the river. If Jaycee had been on a flush draw, then she just hit it. There were now three diamonds among the common cards, so if she had two more in her hand then she was probably going to go all in with her next bet. She may have made a straight, too, if she was on that kind of draw. This was not good for me at all. But if she really was bluffing with a whole lot of nothing, then she'd use this scary card to help her in chasing me out of the hand. I desperately tried to resume my poker face as Jaycee's eyes came back up from the table seeking mine. Once again we stared at each other, trying to discern some little sign of what the other was thinking.

I turned back to my chips and tried to figure out what kind of bet to make. I already had a good hand, and had ridiculously good odds at improving my hand even more on the river. If I got a Queen, Jack, or Nine I would have a full house. And another diamond would give me a flush. Heck, if the ten of diamonds flipped over then I would make a straight flush. I'd never hit a hand that big in my life.

If Jaycee had hit a winning hand, then she would respond to any bet of mine with an all-in raise. However, if I checked and she had nothing, she would probably make an all-in raise bet as a bluff to push me out of the hand, and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I needed to make a bet large enough to scare Jaycee into folding if she had been bluffing, but not large enough that it killed me if Jaycee came right back over the top of me with a big raise.

"Another hundred," I announced, counting out the chips and pushed them out. It suddenly struck me how before this hand, no one had made a hundred dollar bet all night, and suddenly I was considering this a "mid range" bet due to the suddenly higher stakes. I quickly looked around the table. Aaron was shaking his head, probably reliving his mistakes earlier in this hand. Tim was staring at Jaycee intently, either trying to figure out what she was going to do or trying to make out the shape of her bra-less breasts, I couldn't tell. Hannah had her mouth dropped open, clearly in disbelief at the size of our bets, and Susan looked from one person to another, wanting someone to explain to her what was going on but understanding that she wasn't supposed to talk at this moment.

I turned back to Jaycee, and she was staring intently at the pile of chips in front of her, obviously doing calculations in her head, and she was BITING HER HAIR! I almost laughed in glee. I know that my face portrayed something before I got it under control, because Jaycee glanced in my direction. But her expression didn't change, and I stared into her eyes as intently as I could. She looked down, as if afraid to meet my eyes, briefly back up to me again, but then looked down and kept her eyes there. All she had to do was fold and I'd have my proof of her tells.

At last she removed her hair from her mouth and announced "Call."

Oh crap.

Was I toast? I had to be toast. How could she just call that bet?!? Either she had to be convinced that she had me beat, in which case she should have gone all in; or she should have folded and kept her two hundred in chips. Now she was down to about a hundred, and I had no idea what she had. She must have been completely flummoxed at what I had in my hand. Or maybe she had me completely figured out and was hoping she could still beat me. Was that it? Did she hit the flush with an Ace of diamonds, thus guaranteeing her the highest flush, and thus she was now unconcerned with whether I had either a flush or straight?

I had to admit to myself that I had no idea what was going on, but now a very sickening thought entered my head. ... Maybe Jaycee really was a very good poker player. ... Maybe I had just fallen for a fake tell. ... Maybe she was moving in to take everything I had. Then she would gloat over me forever, and I deserved it. If she had re-raised, I would have folded immediately thinking I was beat. But by just calling, she was staying in it, but showing insecurity. She wanted me to raise again after the River, so that she could take as much money from me as possible. And she had set this one hand up by doing those fake tells all night! That had to be it! Damn, she was good. Hell, she was magnificent! And yes, I was really toast! I should probably bet into her, knowing it was hopeless, just to show my appreciation for her superior play.

Jaycee picked up the deck, sloughed off another card, and then flipped over the final community card.

I just about fainted.

It was the eight of clubs. The final eight. I had four of a kind.

I hadn't looked at Jaycee yet. I hadn't moved my eyes yet from that beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous black eight. And I knew this was a mistake. I must have been projecting to the entire table "I HAVE FOUR EIGHTS!" like there was a neon lit sign behind me flashing that out. I tried to fake my way out of it. I started moving my fingers like I was doing math calculations in my head. And I kept doing that for about a full minute, with no one else talking.

Finally I lifted my head up, looked at Jaycee, and said "Check."

I hadn't meant to say that. I had meant to say all in. To act just like I figured Jaycee wanted me to act so that she wouldn't be thrown off her game plan. So why had I said "check"?!?!? Was there some part of my brain that thought going all in was a big mistake? Then I saw it. Among the common cards was the nine, jack, and queen of diamonds. Would Jaycee have made the bets she had with the king and ten of diamonds as her hole cards, thus giving her a straight flush -- a hand even better than four of a kind? I replayed her betting throughout the hand. If that was her hand, then she would have been bluffing right from the start, and her tell told us she was. But then after the flop she has both a straight draw, a flush draw, and a straight flush draw. Was that enough to prompt that huge bet? She didn't have a hand yet at that point, but she still made the big bet. But that's when she showed she was bluffing, not before the flop. So that's still consistent. Then she gets the straight flush on the River. Somehow, miraculously, she gets the one card that completes an outrageously high hand. But instead of just going all in, she decides she's going to try to squeeze every last cent she can out of me. I had to admit, it was a plausible scenario. An unlikely scenario, but plausible.

"You both don't know what the hell you're doing, do you?" asked Tim. I kept looking at Jaycee, wondering what she was going to do.

"How much you got left?" Jaycee asked me. I looked down and quickly calculated.

"Two forty," I replied.

"I've got a hundred and ten. You wanna buy my clothes off me again?"

I was stunned. Did I hear that right?

"You did not just say what I think you said!" screeched Susan.

"Hell, yeah!" yelled Tim. "Dude, you've got to do this!"

Jaycee was giving me this predatory look, but with a shit eating grin on her face. "Well I don't figure you'll buy my bra and blouse again," she said. "And frankly I want more than just thirty dollars from you. So how about the whole set for sixty-five?"

I did the math, and had to grin back at her. "In other words, we'd have even pots, and you'd go all in, and I'd call, and it would be winner take all."

"I always knew you were real smart," Jaycee replied.

"Dude, you have to do this!!!" Tim yelled again. "Hell, I've got sixty-five bucks that I'll pay for your panties!"

"Shut up, Tim," yelled Hannah, Susan, and surprisingly Aaron, all at the same time.

"So you're going to take all of my money away from me, show me how you're this superior poker player, and gloat about this every time we see each other for the rest of our lives. But you think I'll be ok with it because I'll get to see you entirely naked for a few minutes?" I asked, getting into the spirit of the dare.

"Yep," said Jaycee.

"You realize that you have to get completely naked for me before we flip over the cards?" I asked.

"Yep," said Jaycee.

"Jaycee," warned Hannah, "even if you win, you're going to have to give him all that money back to get your clothes back."

"She knows," I replied. "But she'll still gloat over me, because she took me for everything I had with me knowing that she was both better in poker and because I couldn't control my overpowering lust. And giving me a little control back over the price of her clothes will be her act of charity to really rub my face in it." Jaycee raised an eyebrow at me with a classic 'what the hell are you smoking' look on her face - clearly that wasn't it. "OR," I continued, thinking fast. "She doesn't plan on buying back her clothes." Jaycee smiled broadly. "She wants to leave me with nothing ... except for her clothes ... and the knowledge that that's all I'll ever have of her." Jaycee's smile now went from ear to ear.

"That's right. Destroy him," said Hannah, with surprising vehemence. "Show him he's not close to being your equal, and leave him drooling."

It sounded like Hannah was living a little vicariously through Jaycee.

"Done," I announced.

"Ermph," grunted Aaron. He thought I was giving in, acknowledging Jaycee's superiority over me in all ways, including her forcing me to give in to my lust, knowing that I was paying all this money all while publicly acknowledging the fact that I wanted her but could never really have her. If I hadn't caught that last eight on the river, maybe I would have made the same deal. I don't know. Hopefully I'll never know. Because that's not the deal I made. I made the deal playing the odds. It's true that there is a scenario where she has me beat. And if so, then she deserves everything I just described. But there had to be several other card combinations and scenarios that explained her betting, and were more likely to have occurred. And those couldn't beat four of a kind.