All Comments on 'Silver Plains'

You need an editor. Your story was poorly thought out lame as fuck an really no sense of reality

Wonderfull story...

I gave 4 stars, would have been 5 except there is a lot of spelling and grammar issues along with some issues of continuity. The idea is solid, and you do a great job of describing the main characters. Sex scenes are decent, not many people write about squirting, and that's a huge personal plus for me (so much so it almost made this a 5 vote).

Keep writing, perhaps reach out to an editor, and I hope to see more stories from you.

Started this but the errors made it impossible to read. You need an editor for grammar and story line . Give it another try with some help.

the way this is written and with the spelling is for the most part how people are now days. sad but true , English is not very high in schools now days. the bad joke

called common core takes away from teaching . schools take to much time

with dress code , what you can say, all these so call rights a few have but must

be forced on all of us. schools are like jail . you think their way, act their way,

dress their way.

I liked it a lot, enough so to ignore the spelling and other errors. Nearly every damn story on this site features women that are stone cold gorgeous with flawless bodies, and while there's a place for that in fiction, in real life we all have flaws. It's being able to imagine characters in these stories as real that makes them erotic for me.

Women are beautiful, be they plump or skinny, busty or flat chested, hairy or smooth. Thanks for featuring a woman who was real.

It takes determination and desire to write a story from start to finish, and courage to post it where everyone can look at it and make comments. Kudos for that.

Leslie and Téa got what they wanted. As the story went on, it appeared to me that mother and daughter were the same type of personality. Had Leslie been able to move past his monogamy, it would have been a means for mother to heal, or at least be functional again.

That said, I also get that some people are hard-wired as monogamous, and Leslie seems that way, which is what makes the story so bittersweet. It's not stated, but appears to me that both women crave living the traditional, supportive/ submissive role. Mother was lost without her husband, drowning in alcohol, and didn't approach her son due to the incest taboo, but once the cat was out of the bag, she wanted and probably actually needed some of what her daughter got. That Téa, too, seemed to unwilling to share means that mother might not have wanted to share either. Maybe no way to avoid the train wreck. But Leslie was the lynch-pin, and the women might have adjusted, had he decided to take charge and take care of them both.

Leslie doesn't seem really happy, but rather content that he's finally found a woman who is loyal; that she's his sister seems almost superfluous.

The story suffers not just from spelling and grammar errors -- and it looks like a spell-check was done, but probably at the end. The letter "k" instead of the word 'I' in a few places. But also, many usage errors - correctly spelled words, but it's simply the wrong word. "Needles" should have been "needless." See what I mean? Those can be harder to get by when reading, but it's not a show-stopper for me.

There are gaps in the story itself, though. The most glaring one was about midway through the story, when Leslie returns home, after rejecting his mother's demand for sex. There is a least a paragraph or two missing, where it finally becomes clear that mother has intercepted him, partially stripping him before being thwarted by son and daughter.

Not even a line or two about his vehicle? It was stolen in front of him, and he didn't even think about it after that? It made it seem it was just a plot device to get the siblings to have public sex in the car of their friend, and not a setback - cars tend to be expensive for working stiffs as Leslie appeared to be. It needed a sentence or two to tie off that loose end, even if it was "the cops looked but never found it" sort of thing.

We don't learn how they managed to get married either.

Congrats on posting your first story. I'm not voting because I see new, raw talent, and don't want to bring the score down. You got me to think about the story and the characters.

Fixing the errors and story gaps will help improve reader feedback. Getting someone to do it (remember, they are doing it for free), and not judging you on the topic (incest porn) can be a challenge, but don't give up searching.

Find a reader, an editor, or a like-minded friend (who is detail oriented) to read your story, edit it, and re-post. (There are directions on the forums on how to re-post a story.) But keep writing. And thanks for sharing.

I'll admit it does have some issues and I won't try to deny that.

I think I should have put more build up into the story and it kinda just felt like it didn't lead anywhere, now that I think about it.

Also. I tried to take out any spelling mistakes it had and I caught a few but didn't know there was way more.

If I submit something else, I'll try and heed all the advice I was given.

Abd I'll also be editing all this on an actual computer.

Using mobile is just a mistake and leads to many more mistakes.

Thank you all for the feedback. Good and bad.

Not to poor a story, but you desperately need an editor. Too many errors to be a pleasant read. Would have liked to see him fuck the living shit out of his mother. Maybe even knock her up. There could be more chapters very easily.

of had a threesome with mom

That you are going to keep writing! And knowing you did this on a mobile is impressive. Keep at it. You get better with practice. Good luck!

Te'a sound to be a very sexual woman. Happy for the way it turned out a baby and hubby an wife that love has no boundary. That is true love and wish there was more like you fucked that drunken bitch of a mother!!!!!!

you should have laid some pipe in those lips of hers

8=====D~~ ~~ {|}

Between being offended by the repetitive gross description of an extremely ugly girl, you drive drunk, can't spell, and the words are messed up in too many places to count. If this story were written properly and proofed, it would still only be worth 2 stars. As written, it gets an F. I'm sure you are used to them.

You earned a single star. Simply put, this story is awful.

First of all congrats on your first story on LE! I enjoyed it quite a lot much thanks to characters that do not abide to the usual Adonis & Aphrodite description. Giving them real life characteristics does a great deal toward a believable setting and creating an atmosphere that allows us to connect with them. The story itself isn't revolutionary but got enough of a spin (this time it was the sister holding her emotions in check) to make it worth my time.

There are however some mistakes, most notable are many grammatical ones. It's nothing to serious but a couple read throughs, or better an editor, can fix that problem quickly. The community can provide you with one if you'd like to.

In the end it was an entertaining read that left me content and looking for more from you in the future.

With much joy and as encouragement I gave you a 4*.

A good storyline that just got butchered by errors, changes in basic information etc

As has been pointed out an editor (or even just a printout and actually READ by the author) might have caught those.

I give 2 stars because it's not easy coming up with an idea, producing it, and putting it out here for the world to see.

Would like to see more, but only after an understanding of getting details, grammar and such, worked out. You're just wasting time if you're not going to get better.

From rootbeer?

Bullshit on his friend being cool with it and bullshit on them getting married. Keep writing.

You ruined it with how naive the characters got and you made me wonder how old you are to write such a ridiculous story.

Oh well. I guess Rubenesque just ain't my thing . . . .