All Comments on 'Simplicity Ch. 03'

Love how it's going, just a little.slow and Dukey it's stressing me ...he opens up soon..can wait to.read more soon.. :-)

Am really enjoying this story. Personally I like the slow build up, but with such likeable characters I can see why its a little frustrating for some readers - there's so many questions to answer and your story is good enough that we don't want to wait :) Thanks for sharing!

Very nice. Pacing is good, both boys are likable. The character of Duke is very promising - lots of potential there . . .

:-)

PS - I think when readers say "speed it up", they mean "speed it up and get to the sex part" - please don't do this. Your characters will get there when it feels right for them - please don't alter your pacing because of comments from readers - it's working very well just as you have it, and if you're writing naturally in short chapters, that's also okay - length of chapter isn't something that can be forced.

There is much to consider about the reasons for Duke's reticence of speaking of home. Luke's narration for many of the opening paragraphs this chapter return to Duke being 'closed off''. 'Never once heard him on the phone with family or friends back home. 'Don't recall ever once hearing him call the place home'.

I'd call the pace of the story pitch perfect. Luke mirrors much of what he said early in chapter one. Luke wishes for more, yet 'they were inseparable'. 'Something akin to brothers'. I like opening up the story a bit with Becky and Stacey. The fouresome did things together, but as friends- and the season. Don't know if that was just this semester or more. The scenes with the girls weren't padded trying to make the chapter longer. Duke and Luke were still in their own little world. The pacing didn't change.

The big surprise this chapter was the nervous concern they had for each other at the Christmas break. Dukey and Bambi are a couple. I hope the HOW will be revealed in chapter four. There is a darkness that takes over Duke when South Boston comes into the conversation. Luke pledges to himself that Duke needs to know that Luke cares and that Duke isn't 'all by himself'. Some breakthrough or revelation should occur over Christmas. Or as Luke puts it early in the chapter, 'the shoe to drop'.

Luke needs more than an occasional hug from Duke. More than watching his ass while packing. He yearns for a sex life, but the men don't measure up to Duke. Please give Luke something, even briefly, that is integral with the characters, story and situation. Happy writing!

Duke seems such a great catch -- sexy hairy chest and thighs, warm concern for Luke, kindness gushing from every pore. It is only a matter of time until they make their sexual connection, and it should be great. I'll bet Duke is well-endowed. I agree with letting this develop gradually. Looking forward to further reading. I think Luke can help Duke overcome whatever lies in Duke's background.

make something happen

To the person who posted "OK make something happen" - GO AWAY. This is a first story from a new, young writer, and he's doing very well. If you don't like the pace, make a mental note of the name of the story, AND DON'T READ IT ANY MORE.

Wow, I am impressed! For a first story you are developing wonderful 'real' characters and a great story. Keep on keeping on. :o)

Few stories that I read are this good! A slow pace, a romance budding, characters actually seeming like people... Wonderful story and keep it up! cant wait to read the next ones!!!

In love with your story! True talent in plot and character building, but I'm going crazy cause the chapters are so short!