All Comments on 'Simply His Ch. 10-12'

Can't wait for the next ones

Looking forward to the next chapters

Still one of the very best in this genre. I'm enjoying every second reading it and can't wait for the next installment!

I found your secret! I got the erm... secret thing on your profile :P

LOVE this story! The characters are so real, they behave real. keep the good work :)

I'm finding out how impatient i am lol can't wait for the next chapters!! Loving this story! thank you!

Stopping by to vote on here as well as on Watt :)

I am really enjoying this story, and find myself looking forward to future instalments. Please keep the story going!

I'm really enjoying this story. I love how consistent you are, keep it coming!

next chapter please :D

I am enjoying this story very much. There are mistakes, of course, in grammar and spelling, but given the information you shared about yourself, that was expected so not nearly as jarring as it might be if English were your primary language.

Please take the following as constructive criticism, as that is how it is meant; a bit of information to hopefully help you develop as a writer, not only for this story but also in future writing endeavors.

You use the word "seen" a lot in the place of the word "seeing." "Seen" and "seeing" aren't interchangeable, even though they mean similar things. "Seen" is the past tense of the word "see." And "seeing" is the tense used while someone is in the process of doing that action. "Seeing" may also be used in a more abstract way, for example: "Seeing as though the night was still young, he decided to take her to a place she'd never seen before." See what I did there? I used both and used "seeing" in the more abstract way than the literal one. It could also be used in the abstract by saying simply "Seeing that the night was still young..." And to use it in the literal way, "She watched him shift, not yet fully certain she believed what she was seeing."

Paying attention to the tense of the verb used is important even in English. We don't have as many tense variations as some languages, but it still helps to keep them separate.

The only other thing I would note for this set of chapters is that the use of bold font for Caleb's dialogue in those two places is distracting. Please be sure to just keep each character's dialogue separate from the next. A line break between each character's dialogue, plus identifying pronouns or names from time to time is all that is necessary for dialogue, but taking the extra step of adding descriptions as they talk is great and you're doing an excellent job of that.

Overall, though, you're doing great. Please continue writing and continue learning. You are clearly improving and that makes all the difference as you move forward. :)

Well when is something going to happen...you know like them mating ,or Caleb killing the bad guys .....Don't hurt Alex either

Stephen J