by Chastell
You did a very good job in this of introducing and describing the world. It's a rare talent to be able to explain magic succinctly, and you did it well.
That said, get a volunteer editor to help you out with little blips (missing punctuation, words out of order, etc). When a story draws a reader in this quickly, you don't want small errors to yank them out.
I hope you choose to continue this. You can count me in for the ride if you do.
Cheers~
Tux
I would appreciate any comments guys. Feel free to point out any errors, inconsistencies and plot holes. Thank you!
Little spots of errors... nothing a little editing can't fix. They weren't enough to distract me from the story. I hope you continue submitting. I enjoyed this
I also hope you continue. Great star. You seamlessly built a world with different rules without it reading like a dry how- to manual.
Hope you feel encouraged enough to continue. I will definitely read
I loved how you told the story and also how you incorporated the explaination of the world the characters live in without it being dry and boring.
Some ideas I found funny like the "fight or fuck" idea 😂😂😂
Please do continue because the idea for the story is fresh and the world they live in is intresting and Fascination !!!!