All Comments on 'Sis's Friend Carrie'

You set up a camera then disregard the whole plot and start another idea. What was Carrie doing the whole time that you were playing with her?

This is a confused story, get it sorted!

Interesting enough concept, but the writing is rather juvenile.

-- KVK

You have been accused by someone else as being 'juvenile'? I don't buy it. It is a very erotic story and needs continued. Did she get pregnant for sure?

The story was not bad at all, it just could have been better. The sex was hot so you get cool points on that part. I think that dialog/conversation is a weaker point of your writing. My opinion is that you have great potential and will keep an eye out for more stories from you.

So did Carrie get preggie? Maybe she did figure out that you fucked her and came in her, but put two and two together and came to the conclusion that you did that to her? Maybe you, your sis and her need to start having orgies and you knock them both up, in future chapters?

So did Carrie get pregnant with your baby? Are we going to see a few more chapters on this very erotic story? A lot of girls simply don't realize that when the old horse is in the barn that it is not easy to take it back out unless it loses its load.

I think that there were a lot of loose ends that can be tied up or could be used in future extensions of the story. The male lead now has cameras in his sister's room (cue Incest or more of Sister's friends). Steven and Carrie can have a good time in the sister's room; she would be nervous and he could capitalize on it. Etc. etc.

You could expand more on the feelings/emotions/happenings after the Steven entered Carrie. Both times (at night, and in the morning) were rather short in comparison to the description of the foreplay.

It was good.....