Slut Wife - One Woman's Guide

Most couples who have non-monogamous relationships find that one partner is notably more able to attract casual sex partners and manage them effectively without damaging the primary relationship. If that is the wife it is not incumbent upon her to constrain her activities to be comparable in frequency with her husband's nor is it her responsibility to get her husband laid. Observers of hot wife relationships often wonder why the right to have sex with others isn't reciprocal. In many cases it is or was but that simply did not lead to equal outcomes.

Exploring alternative perspectives on sexuality is best done with an open-mind and a sincere desire to find what is right for you. Don't limit yourself to the pre-set menu or get caught up in anyone else's definition of what it means to be this or that. In this context I want to address what it means to be a cuckold which of course you should reflect upon yourself rather than just accepting my version. When the word came into use it meant a man whose wife was fucking other men. It was presumed that the cuckold felt humiliated because that was the ethos of the time. But humiliation is a feeling and as such it is involuntary. If a husband didn't feel that way, did it make him any less a cuckold? Personally I don't think so. Further the usage of the word at the time did not have anything to do with the woman overtly trying to make her husband feel humiliated. Nor did it have anything to do with the size of the other man's dick or his sexual prowess. It may be argued that the traditional definition of cuckold didn't involve consent from or the knowledge of the husband. So perhaps my usage of the word is a bit misplaced, but to me it is the closest available - my husband and I are not simply swingers and I am not simply a shared wife. Take that for what it is. My point isn't to debate semantics so much as implore you to conduct yourself in the way you see fit. Don't let others tell you how you must act or treat your husband to be a real "hot wife" or for him to be a real "cuckold". That logic applies to me as well - what I've written her is just my view and you obviously must filter it for yourself.

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I suggest that all aspiring hot wives start with the personal realization that you as a woman are sexually superior to all men, not just your husband. Fairness and balance in the relationship is achieved by helping your man accept this reality and crafting sexual parameters that are attuned to your unique individual needs. The result for him can be a more dynamic sex life, but only if he is prepared to abandon the notion that sameness equals fairness. Otherwise he is asking his wife to participate in a fantasy where she is not fulfilled.

Following are my suggestions for exploring this path. The intent here is to uncover and accept (as opposed to change) each person's true nature. It is as much a challenge for the aspiring hot wife as it is her cuckold. And you should go into it with full understanding that most couples will find that one or both partners are not suited to our ready for this lifestyle. It is incumbent upon you to recognize the signs so that you can take the right pace and decide if you can proceed. Please do not take this as a method to make him do what you want.

Step 1 - Take on the role of leader

For me personally I could not be in this lifestyle without being in complete control of my sexuality in all situations. And if your are to have control of his sexuality it is as more than just a play toy. He is a person that has entrusted a great deal to you. He will learn to indulge many things for you but that isn't license to mistreat him and you must learn to know the difference between indulgence and abuse. Do not take on that responsibility and reserve for yourself the right to let him down as long as you have a good excuse or rationalization.

He may not recognize your leadership role right away and it isn't something to be imposed upon him (at least not yet) but it must be your mindset.

It is critically important from this point forward that you are in full control of your actions and words and he is getting the full unvarnished truth. If he gets even the slightest hint that you are being evasive or not strong enough to keep your commitments his mind will focus on what you might be hiding and tell him not to trust your leadership. Then everything breaks down.

If you are looking for an excuse to hand your sexuality over to some thug with a big dick nothing I have to say applies.

Step 2- Establish your sexual desire

I know this seems obvious and hopefully your sexual desire is already well established. However, I am talking specifically about his understanding.

Consider that from the male point of view the social norm is that they make the advance (even if we flirt and put ourselves out there we usually expect them to initiate), we rarely talk openly about sex and we are often loath to ask for certain things in the bedroom. The whole sexual power dynamic is built around the premise that men want sex more than we do and isn't particularly conducive to raising his awareness of your sexual desire.

So initiate sex with your husband. Talk about it and tell him what you want in the bedroom. Don't assume he knows. Make it crystal clear that you like sex.

Step 3 - Establish the premise that you have sexual desire for other men.

Many women have sexual desire for multiple men and that is natural. Your husband needs to see this as a basic element of who you are and not a reflection on him or your relationship. He also needs to see that having that desire is a separate matter from acting upon it.

In my case I am sorry to say that the catalyst for this understanding was when I cheated on my husband. I am not proud of it and I don't recommend it to anyone. When it happened I confessed almost immediately. While I didn't know it at the time, the honesty of my confession basically established this first step.

I cheated because I gave in to temptation. I didn't have latent romantic feelings for the man I fucked and I wasn't dissatisfied with the sex life I have with my husband. The guy was hot and I was horny and the situation was conducive so it happened. That is pretty much how I explained it to my husband, albeit more gently. I apologized unreservedly and without qualification for the betrayal and deceit. At the same time I maintained that sexual desire is not something we control. I was sorry for acting on that feeling but not for having it.

I made it clear that my desire is an immutable reality and I won't pretend otherwise. At the same time I took full and unconditional responsibility for the deceit and promised never to repeat it. As an aside I would say that like most men in that situation his mind had already jumped to the worst thinkable conclusions. Had I given in to the temptation to obfuscate or sugar coat he would have immediately recognized that and taken it as proof that I was hiding something far more negative. We might never have recovered.

There are other ways to bring the fact that you have desire for other man into the conversation such as discussion of past experiences or current fantasies. It is most compelling if you can make it very real. Coming into actual contact with an old boyfriend and being honest with how you felt about the guy including the sex. Letting him see you get hit on by other guys and not recoiling. If he asks which friend or co-worker you find most attractive, tell him honestly.

Keep in mind that you have him at his weakest and you are teaching him to completely rethink all his assumptions about female sexual desire. Do not indulge in the self-indulgent "if you loved me you wouldn't doubt me" nonsense. If he needs reinforcement give it to him. It relaxes his mind and puts him in a secure place to accept what you are teaching him about your sexuality.

During this stage I also brought in subtle references to the way men think about sex - most take it as a given that they want to fuck all attractive women - and indicate that women are not so different. And actively dispel the myths they have been fed. Specifically that other guys who think their partner could never want another man are deluding themselves. Your husband needs to understand that having a wife who has sexual desire doesn't make him different from other men aside from his level of awareness. And the ability to embrace that awareness makes him more of a man and something that you admire and respect. In time you will build on this to help him understand that having a wife who is so open and accepting of her sexuality makes him a lucky man.

Step 4 - Explore sexuality with your husband more deeply and assert your needs

Starting with just the two of you, take the lead in exploring whatever sexual activity appeals to you. Make sure he has ample opportunity in a pressure free environment to be the man he wants to be. Keep in mind that he has been conditioned to believe that women are less adventurous and he is going to get in trouble for being honest with you (doesn't matter how open you think you have been, most woman in his life since birth have told him male sexuality is dirty).

Make the extra effort to put yourself out there don't just ask him what he wants. If you want to try anal, don't just wiggle your ass at him. Go buy the necessary implements to clean the bottom of your colon, tell him you have done so, bring a bottle of lube and tell him you want him to fuck you in the ass.

Throughout be forthright and open with your pleasure or lack thereof.

If he finishes and you still want more, don't be shy about pulling out a vibrator or dildo and helping yourself. He may object then or at a later time. You need to take that opportunity to calmly explain that women often do not orgasm during intercourse and all the men you have been with have sometimes left you wanting more - reminding him of other men while simultaneously setting him apart as more accepting. Tell him you are committed to a healthy sex life which can't happen if you have to pretend. While you are at it dispel the myth that every encounter is a failure if the woman doesn't orgasm. Obviously that is ideal but the female orgasm is more complicated than that and sometimes it just isn't going to happen and the last thing you want is to have a man who won't let it go when you just want to get on with your day. Then comment that perhaps next time he could provide oral sex or otherwise participate by holding the vibrator. Either way make sure to drive home the point that you won't have your sexual experience restricted to the point that he ejaculates.

If you feeling like riding a big dildo while sucking his cock then do it. He may question whether the size of that dildo suggests you would like a bigger cock. Tell him the truth.....something along the lines of "its not what I want all the time but yes you could tell that I enjoy it."

I know that might sound like you are setting him up for failure but that is only if you start from the premise that the male view of the sexual experience should prevail regardless of the woman pleasure. If you take the view that your pleasure is important too, then all you are doing is introducing reality into your sex life.

In time he may start to feel insecure. You don't want to feed that per se but it may be hard to avoid. At this stage you need to make a conscious decision to either assuage those feelings by going back to feeding his delusions or help him accept reality. The latter is more difficult but it is what you must do.

However, this is also the time to take greater control by giving him direction. Whether you "tell" or "ask" make sure you are being explicit about what you want. In the bedroom, your personal grooming, picking outfits all present opportunities to involve him and give him specific direction. Obviously this gets him used to taking direction but it also gives him a clear path to success. Remember that at this step his confidence may be taking a bit of a hit and we generally underestimate how important it is to a man's ego to feel that he is satisfying his woman. Plus this is another chance to distinguish yourself from other women. Guys like some mystery but they get frustrated by the constant guesswork of trying to keep us happy. You have introduced lots of mystery already so you can give him the security that comes with being clear and explicit.

At this step you can see where my approach differs from the stereotype of this lifestyle. You are not putting him beneath other men. You are putting him on par or even above other men but putting yourself, in sexual terms above all men. This is critical. Your man is much more willing to have you raised up than have himself put down.

To my way of thinking this is a key premise of the hot wife lifestyle. Its not a matter of rejecting one man for a better man. Its a matter of expanding your horizons and seeking fulfillment of your needs with your husband at the centre of your life and the other man as add-ons.

Step 5 - Indulge and display your overtly sexual side

By the end of step 4 your husband has come to understand that he can't fulfill all of your sexual needs. No one man can. He also knows that you have desire for other men and that desire is natural and does not equate to any failing on his part or lack of interest in him.

It is time to start being more overt in expressing your sexuality. This can be tricky. You don't want to look like you are on the hunt and you don't want to send mixed signals. You are simply demonstrating that you are a woman who knows who she is and is no longer content to cater to anyone else's view - male or female - of what that should be.

Wear clothes that flatter your body and make you feel sexy. And make a conscious effort to not cater to male or female expectations. Sexy is defined more by the ability to make your own unfettered choices than it is by the choices themselves. We are especially conditioned to tone it down to achieve female acceptance but those subtle things are all the difference. Something as simple as raising my hemline an inch higher than my immediate peers puts me in a different state of mind. Same goes for my shoe selection or one more button on my blouse or choosing a bra that shows off my tits rather than smothering them. The act of casting off the most innocuous of constraints can change your perspective.

Likewise indulge your personal grooming desires whether that is regular waxing or an aesthetician or a great hair stylist. If you are into piercings or tattoos then go for it (although I suggest a slow and cautious approach since those things are difficult to reverse).

If you feel sexy men will see it too no matter what you are wearing. In fact, you might be surprised how much men notice. In real life men are drawn to women with that subtle air of sexual confidence far more than the bimbo stereotype.

Your husband will notice too. Hopefully it will be all positive but he might be wary. It is perfectly natural for him to wonder if you are having or pursuing an affair. If so, address his concerns directly and provide the reassurance he needs. Do not indulge ongoing whining but give hime his due. Do not get offended or engage in the "if you loved and trusted me you wouldn't ask" nonsense. Any man is going to have a bout of insecurity in the circumstances. If you aren't ready to empathize then you aren't ready to be a hot wife.

Now is also the time to recheck your approach to controlling your conduct and being forthright. Other guys will hit on you. Some are very adept at undermining your husband and trying to get close to you. Yes they are that scheming and they do get satisfaction from making him look bad. Unless you are strong and smart you will be an accomplice in this and lose your husband's confidence. The self-deluded "oh he didn't mean anything by that" nonsense is how women cede control because we are trying to hide from the fact that we know it isn't true. Men are not the thick headed beings we like to assume when in the presence of a woman they find attractive. They are very aware of their every action, how it plays with you and how it affects your husband. Your strength comes from accepting it, knowing you hold all the power and exercising that power.

Do not accept behaviour from another man just to be polite that you wouldn't accept from your husband. That includes nominally nice things. If you are not in the habit of expecting your husband to open your car door for you (this is 2016 and you are an equal right?) then don't let another man do it (unless he is the valet). If a man makes an inappropriate comment to you, take it upon yourself to respond. It is you that has the capacity to cut him down with a stare or a word. All your husband can do is start a fight and look jealous in the process......meanwhile the other guy is thinking maybe she liked it since she didn't say anything. Obviously look for help if there is real danger but otherwise you can't be a woman who owns her sexuality and a helpless waif at the same time. Be pro-active.

You are demonstrating your powerful sexuality to your husband and making sure he has confidence in you and your relationship. The world is what it is and maintaining this balance is much harder when men see you as sexual rather than a housewife in baggy pants.

Don't be unwelcoming or cold. Quite the opposite you want your husband to see you able to enjoy a circle of desirous men falling over themselves to buy you drinks. They key is to see it for what it is and run the show. Of course they want to get in your pants and even the ones who know it will never happen want to buy the next drink. Recognizing this reality knowing that you hold all the power. You owe them nothing and don't let them tell you otherwise.

Flirting with other men will happen naturally at this stage. What you are really showing your husband is you enjoying your own sexuality.

Step 6 - Be the sexual goddess that makes anything worthwhile

If your husband has progressed this far he has come to understand that your sexuality and willingness to embrace it far exceeds most women he knows. And he has come to accept this aspect of you as reality even if he isn't quite sure if he can handle it. If he is a sensitive man he also knows that by keeping you to himself he is denying the sexual exploration that you so obviously desire.

In many ways you have both passed the point of no return. Even if you remain monogamous he cannot unlearn his newfound knowledge of your sexuality. But he isn't quite ready for the big leap to accepting your having sex with other men even if he thinks he is.

To solidify the path forward you need to establish yourself as a woman so sexually dynamic and engaging that he would rather share you than have exclusivity with any other women. This is where a lot of women falter because we have been conditioned to think of men as walking hard-ons who just want us to show up and do what the other women won't do. Even your husband has been so conditioned to similar perceptions that he may not know what else there is.

At this step you need to do that which we always ask of men. Put real time and energy and thought into what he would want sexually. Make sure you put nothing out of bounds and actively resist the urge to be dismissive of any aspect of his sexuality. Think of it this way: you are soon going to convince him to let you fuck other men and that may eventually be public knowledge. You owe him your very best and you both passed the constraints that your girlfriends would think are appropriate a long time ago.

I can't tell you how this should play out in detail because, remember, you husband is not a stereotype. It is incumbent upon you to have a good knowledge of what will get his motor running like no other.