All Comments on 'Small Town Girl Finds True Love?'

You are an idiot- an "organism" and an orgasm are not even close to the same thing....

If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all. This is a good story, a bit naive, perhaps, but that's how she is. Don't worry about the spelling pedants - if they can't see past a typo, they can't see anything at all. Keep writing - this has plenty of promise.

....Feel somewhat sorry for the ex-fiance Joel, got short shrift indeed. He and the girl ( name not mentioned) split , after she found Will was 'better'. on the first date, it seems. Poor Joel.

....The action continued, but where it will continue to, from here, I have no idea. I see the story running out of legs very quickly. (The last time I made that pronouncement, the serial continued for Six episodes). but still.....

.... Dialogue. With dialogue, you could even have mentioned the heroine's name ( out of someone else's mouth). and advance the plot differently from " he did this, and then she did that, so then he did this other thing and it felt good etc etc.

.... Technically, there are a couple of typos (get rid of them by reading the tale word-backwards, it stops you vocalising and accepting what your eyes *think* they're seeing). But what really is bad is the use of Numerals in Text. "7th Heaven" ,"5'2" and "20 minut.." Eschew Numerals Please.

..... Paragraphing. Your efforts are good, and while one-sentence paragraphs are extreme, here you could have halved the size, and doubled the number, without harming the tale.

It's a good tale nonetheless, and well-written

Cheers and Thanks,

Kilroy.

It looks like you are using the same stories you did before and are making them longer with this one!.

Thanks for sharing your story.

If you want to be a whore, fine. Just let Joel go so he can find a true loving woman, because you are neither. This isn't fair to him.