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"That sounds awesome. Could I bring my brother too? I think I would be able to do my best demonstration with him."
"That's absolutely fine the demonstration will be a public one in front of hospital staff and the chief physician. If your ok with that though there should be no problem."
"I think that will just excite my brother even more. He can be shy enough and it might do him good to show off his new body. It might even help him to meet a nice girl too."
"Oh I know quite a few girls that just can't find a nice guy these days. They all seem to be afraid of girls that have strong powers. Anyway I look forward to seeing you tomorrow Jenny."
"Me too, see you tomorrow" Jenny hung up the phone. It was really starting to dawn on her that this whole new world was opening up for her and that the possibilities were endless.
She really wanted to be accepted to the hospital grad program she knew that the girls who went through it went on to have really great careers and could get into all sorts of jobs like sculpting men. That involved making men much more attractive using magic and some women would pay huge sums to have the prettiest boy so it was a very lucrative career if you were good at it.
Jenny decided to go upstairs and wake her brother up. After all she wanted to tease him so his balls would be nice and blue for tomorrow.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 1 month agojust to critique this a little bit, you should work on writing sentences and paragraphs that flow a little better with the narrative, there are a lot of sentences that are awkwardly written
Anonymousover 2 years agoYou've got a good concept, but I think doing some research into the Sex Mage Universe, as well as doing some dialogue practice, might help you iron some things out. In-universe, natural born archmages typically get their magic at 18 instead of the standard 19, and if she were a megami she would be in a class all her own, distinct and separate from the general population.
As a visual, there are as many archmages as there are millionaires, and as many megami as there are billionaires. At the time of this comment, there are 12 million millionaires in the US, and 614 billionaires. The rarity of megami is staggering. That's not to say you CAN'T write a megami sister--it's entirely possible to do so! But you definitely need to make sure you understand the power difference between an archmage and a megami.
If you'd meant to make her a megami, you could have emphasized how she could feel the women as well as the men around her, or you could have talked about the range and how many people she could feel individually, without being overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of them.
I hope you continue your writing, and that you keep exploring concepts that interest you!
Anonymousabout 7 years agoWould be cool to see more of incest femdom set in this universe
Anonymousabout 7 years agoPoorly written. The magic was dumb. And why all the fucking blood? Nauseating. You couldn't have just given him a broken arm or something?
Anonymousabout 7 years agoIt was a bit odd, but still great. Loved the story, please continue it.
