All Comments on 'Sold to Master Jay'

Call the police, this is the answer.

This is an amazingly well written story. Well done, author, and I hope to see much more from you!!!

One of the best story plots on the site. I look forward to more from you

The only way to not be caught is to keep ALL of the slaves hidden. Forever. As the saying goes: "Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead" and there are a lot of people who know. Show long before someone escapes? Or confesses? Or a routine doctors visit ends up with a DA up for re-election using it as impetus for his campaign?

In today's climate, if you're even accused of groping a woman 20 years ago, you'll be pilloried and you want us to accept that actual slavery would be ignored?

So she resisted for 2 years to a sadist, and she breaks after a few days with that guy when he abused her just the same and gave her to his friends because 'he makes me feel sooo good and sure he must care for me because he doesn't just hurt me all the time"? What kind of moron is she? And then, after he whipped her senseless and f....ing branded her, she worries for him and doesn't want him to die -despite her freedom depending on it- and realizes she can't live without him? I call BS.

Then he SELLS her to a much nicer man who actually cares for her, and she doesn't want him, because she is obsessed with Jay the abuser who deeeep down -so deep you're actually in China by the time you reach it- is a misunderstood great guy with issues -cue a certain Christian Gray, all abusers have issues so it's not their fault-. Poor baby, my heart bleeds for him, not.

Don't get me started with the ride to her 'great love' either, it's beyond stupid. Just like the memory loss she suffers. Unless they did hit her on the head once too many, she should have held onto her memories to keep her sanity, so her having forgotten everything makes no sense.

I'm also tired of all these women who just lose their mind as soon as they get good sex. I've known a guy or two who could make you forget your own name in bed, yet none of them would have managed to make me beg for it. The one who tried got sent home with a 'I can finish the job just fine without you, sweetheart." I might be an exception but I believe that if she were really such a strong minded woman, she would not beg him so easily.

The only redeeming quality of this story is the writing, which is quite good. But the story line needs serious work.

This was really well written and interesting. I would like to see a part 2.

After the first page I was so scared that it was going to end, but I’m so glad I didn’t. This is one of the best a stories I have read on this site. Please write more

this was amazing, really liked it

This is awesome.

I loved everything! You must make a part 2 (and 3, and 4) xD great storyline, i do have to admit i was a little unamused at the plot twist but thats also cause i have a particular taste, But otherwise 10/10

I honestly wished she would have made it back home. I'd love to see a story like this that ends with her going back to normal life and how she recovers from the trauma.

How she didn't break with kyle in several years but 2 days with Jay, and she's trembling and crying because she was whipped. I expected a lot more fight from here, and was tremendously disappointment.

Like the previous comment, I too wished for a different ending. In reality she is returning to a sadistic psychopathic narcissist. My preferred ending would have been a revenge scene where she at least, drugs, beats and pegs Jay. Or contentment with Lucien and some explanations to the back story of the other characters. It was very well written and engrossing so thank you.

Your writing is truly amazing, it makes you want to go back and read it again. I really liked the twist ending, partly because it was such a long story that anything less than a resolution with Jay would have been disappointing. And I'm glad it wasn't revenge on Jay because I had started to like him. I really hope to read a continuation of this story.

I really liked this story. Sure, in reality I would never want to see a woman so submissive she returns to a sadist, but as a sexy fantasy, I very much enjoyed it. You write well, and I feel this could easily be turned into a novel-length story.

Great story. I’d love to read more about Lucian. I really liked his character.

I'm not sure how to react tothis story. In one sense it was an engrossing read and quite different to the stories you usually read here. I enjoyed aspects of it a lot. However I didn't enjoy the dynamic between the two of them as much as I hoped - I guess I was hoping for them to develop into something more ... and I guess they have in a way as they have realised they need each other. I just found Jay too cold, really I think. Malacia was an interesting character but I found her desperation for him disappointing given he had not at any point earned her respect or love or whatever you want to call it. I think that's what was missing for me - he didn't earn her love or her submission. And she I guess had something he needed but he never really showed it.

Anyway. One thing I really found jarring was the constant switching between past and present tense, nonstop often within the same sentence. This is a real issue for me and honestly would usually be a deal breaker. The fact that I kept reading through fourteen pages says something about how interesting the story was. Something for you to look at it your future works.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, and I will be looking out for more from you in the future!

An amazing piece of writing and one that will stay with me.

Spoiler alert, if you have not read the piece, please stop now. I have felt compelled to write it after reading comments from others.

4 points I’d like to make:

1. News stories inform us constantly that sexual trafficking of the very young exists, that it’s organised and highly lucrative. This story takes a fact and gives it substance and makes it real.

2. I’d like a straw pol on everyone else that finds the age of consent constraints on Literotica stupid. I was 16 when I gave my virginity gladly and with full considered consent to my first lover who was 3 years older then me in 1978. In my opinion ‘Everyone is 18 etc etc etc’, is yet another example of political correctness gone mad. So how old were you when you were given the wonderful joy of sex with another soul? Of course before the trolls rise from under their bridges, I am NOT talking of rape, abuse or any other truely heinous crime against a child or young adult who does not consent.

3. Jay and every male in this is flawed and monstrous, the women are victims - but not all with out some form of spirit, that manifests as an ability to accept their reality. Unless you have an exceptional sense of self, this CAN with enough persistence be beaten or manipulated and twisted to another’s mould - particularly, with those people pleasers amongst us. To those who question her breaking under Jay, this is answered in the piece. She was initially part of Kyle’s mass production process to produce a slave, NOT an individuals highly focused goal driven intent and will. His reputation demanded nothing less then his success or her death, if he could not fashion her in his image. He demonstrated chillingly, that either result was ultimately acceptable to him. She was not sold a a slave - only a thing that could or could not be one - she was sold as a challenge.

4. I don’t find the ending particularly edifying - but I can understand her characters choice. For some reason she was identified as a submissive and disposable, by Kyle’s group, which actively hunted for these traits - she was TAKEN because of this. The manner in which her need and desire to be of sexual service could have manifested naturally with consent or not at all, she could have become a kindergarten teacher with a vanilla sex life. It was instead forged with malevolence, the path leading to either her accepting slavery or death. In the beginning, all the surface supports and comforts of a civil society have been stripped from her, the only two things she has is a defiance and pride that is entirely irrational and will result in her death as an example, if she is not sold. It’s my understanding that by the end, Jay has ultimately been made her fit for purpose with her martyred rationalisation of her perceived tarnished state to HER reality. Because of her conditioning under Kyle’s organisation and then Jay’s even more sinister seduction she can see no other choice. By this particular service, she stops him moving on from slave to slave, by becoming his ideal unbreakable/broken slave. He also gives and she regains the only name she takes pride in - she is his unpredictable storm. The easier option does not appease her need to make her suffering matter and rationalise her pleasure, she still has to protest convincingly even if it’s futile. I understand why she doesn’t see the police as an option, although to me it is the option.

If anything else, the ‘Me too’ social media movement should tell us that the world is not all sunshine and lollipops. Any idea I ever had of embracing the notion of giving myself in slavery is well and truely scotched.

Thank you for this seamless piece of work. I found it illuminating and horrifying.

The captive falling in love with her master is not my usual cup of tea, but this piece is amazing. You seriously need to look into publishing this. Fair warning, I’ve submitted to a couple publishers in the dark erotica category and they want nothing less than a trilogy, but you’ve subtly worked in multiple secondary characters whose stories are waiting to be told. I selfishly hope you post their stories here first!

For the love of sanity, how big IS this idiot's penis?

Shot for story.

Subs are amusing creatures.

This story is awful. It’s poorly written and dull with no creativity. And it doesn’t make a lick of sense

I found this very engrossing. Thank you. I eagerly look forward to reading more of your work.

I am not (usually) a nit-picker but there were a few things that interrupted the flow as I read. In case you decide to go back to re-edit this, I started making notes around page 8. Nothing here pulled me out of the story for more than a second, but they did pull me out.

"Every fighter INSTANT that Jay had tried to beat out of me..." (instinct)

Robin asks Jay something like "How you TOO coming along" (two)

"I didn't even (HAVE) nails..."

"Everyone in the room jumped, EXPECT for August." (except)

Since Lucian had been to Jay's to arrange Malacia's purchase, I'm not sure why Lucian needed Talus to write down Jay's address. Unless it was simply a contrivance (on your part, not Lucian's) to have a piece of paper available for Malacia to be able to pull out of his pocket and acquire the address for herself.

"and then the three chilly, exciting MOMENTS to the town." (miles)

" that just made the slamming of his hips into my ass so so much worse."

If the repetition is intended, I think it should be "so, so much worse" if for no other reason to make it clear it isn't a typo for nitpickers (of which I am not one) to harp about.

"You be ready to get down on HER knees for her if it means keeping Jay happy." (your)

"Just my luck. More slave owners. I tried not to grind my teeth. Was this entire area filled to the brim with slave owners and Masters?" Perfect as-is. ROFL

thank you for this story. its rare to find a story this good that keeps me going. id love to read ur next story

It was so good, I did have a WTF moment at the part when Jamie called her a piece of shit and she seemed to gobble it up. It was a bit too much magic dick-logic to me.

What is it in Literotica writers that feels compelled to write these stories about "indestructible women" who immediately break when whipped once by a man who smirks? So difficult to read a story where the two main characters are absolutely unbearable.

This... this is why I come here! I was completely enraptured by Malacia and Jay. I cried (literally) almost everytime she cried, smiled when she smiled. I need an update on them!!!!!

Absolutely amazing I couldn't stop reading! My favorite by far! I hope more are made just like this on, it's great!

Please write more, i’d love to see the course of their relationship together. Ahh, I love it.

This... was one of the best I have read on this site. Thank you.

You sir (madam?), You have some seriously mad writing skills. This was such a dark, erotic, and emotionally evoking story that took me by surprise. At some point I stopped caring about the eroticism and just wanted to KNOW how it ends! Does she go back to Jay? Does Jay even give two shits? Who else is going to rape this poor chick? Does this have a happy ending? All of these questions finally answered. This could (read: should) be fleshed out into a novella and sold on amazon. Just saying. Anywho, crazy good story, job well done.

This was an amazing story. I appreciate your writing style and how you created such a volatile dynamic. I’d love to see what happened next!

It would be a five because of your masterful weaving of the story that kept me reading dispite having massive probloms with Catageis and Jay.

The ending is a one for being the most ludicrous (happy?) ending of all time. I am so flabbergasted by it that I barely begin but.

She somehow feels bad that a bunch of sadist slave owners have lost there guiding light? Jesus H Christ how much inate charisma does Jay have? he should run for politics and unite the entire world under slave ownership if he is able to make a women he tortured and branded feel bad for his sick friends.

Catageis must have literally zero sense of justice because I think any women would want the bastard dead just from hearing what he has done to others let alone done to her.

I could go on but it's already to much of a rant. You have serious writing talent sir or madam, but in my opinion your characters actions and circumstances are so out of left field that they seem impossible even for fantasy.

Your work is great and I have really enjoyed reading it but I would like to request that you edit your spelling and grammar a bit better as there were occasions that words were used in the complete wrong context. I do understand that this is a site for amateurs but feel you could progress further with writing if you heed my advice.

I loved this story, it was amazing! I was so relieved when I saw that it wasn’t only one page but...14! I hope you right a sequel!

I don’t understand why she loves him. It jars and seems to come out of nowhere. I’m not sure what her motivations are while she’s with him. Which can work since she’s battling with what she wants. But you need to make that more clear. She’s fascinating, he’s fascinating (even though I legitimately hate him and think he’s abusive both emotionally and physically in how he discards her). The fact that he discarded her was bullshit and I hate him for it. Lucian is my favorite character in your piece. He’s kind, eloquent, dominant, truly compelling and needs more attention. You’re story reads like a good first draft. Jay needs more development, Categis needs more analysis, Lucien deserves his own book. Your world building is well done, but her affections and love really come out of nowhere. You need to add more to that. Or, rewrite this from Jay’s perspective. His shock realizing she loves him would make sense and be a solid reason why he sells her. This story has an incredible amount of potential and it’s apparent that you’ve put a lot of effort and care into this. You write well and I think you know that. But the comment saying the characters are left field has a good point and I agree with it. SerenaCygne is my kik if you want to yell at me or discuss things.

... Wow, this critique was stuck-up, snobby, and a bit self-righteous.

You write very well, no doubt about that. I really enjoyed this story even though the ending was terribly frustrating. I really liked how she stared as a tough badass. I liked the methodical was Jay conditioned her to give the responses he wanted. I thought it was fascinating how he even told her what he was doing. The cage of isolation was definitely something that was going to damage her. But when Jamie pouted about Malacia wishing Jay was dead and her initial response was to agree, there didn’t seem to be enough background for her to swiftly change her mind and wish him to come back.

I think you could have sold her eventual capitulation better if there had been more moments of tenderness or thoughtfulness on Jay’s part. Perhaps witnessing him being extremely kind to someone else, or maybe tending to her more tenderly? I really thought that once she was with Lucian long enough the conditioning would break. Then when she found out Lucian had once been a slave the two of them could confide in how they both struggled with breaking the conditioning.

While I liked that she finally stood up for herself at the end and called Jay on breaking her in the first place. There is no fire in a broken person so if you want fire don’t break it! Still Jay was a character that simply didn’t resonate with me ass even slightly positive. But I never give someone a third chance and she gave him carte blanche.

I think you made a good choice to post this whole story at once.

Ill admit when i first found out jay was in the hospital i cried and then i completely skipped chapters 11 12 and 13 i didnt want her to be away from jay. This is amazing story and i LOVED IT

I skipped from page 6 to page 14 to see if the ending was disappointing. It was.

I didnt expect to be captivated by this story but I admit I stayed up till 1am to finish it. You create an interesting dynamic of characters and I look forward to reading more from you.

It was wonderfulll..............

Craving fo more content from ur pen.......

I almost cried. I dont ever cuss, but when Jay sold her, i cussed him out, then when the two guys kidnapped her i kept saying "shit shit shit".. this was way more than i ever expected from a literotica story. Best one ever, 1,000 stars

This is the first story in a while that’s been able to hold my attention. It seems like you ran out of steam towards the end which I’m guessing is the reason for typos but overall this piece was engaging. I love master Jay. You sold me on him so easily and quickly. Sad twists. Excellent potential for publishing with some refining. Kudos

Definitely one of the best, although I have to say the scene with the other men, their violence and.then Jay’s coldness followed by the branding shifted my mood from hot to on-the-edge-of-my-seat thriller a la Jason Bourne. Not that I minded. ✌️

I absolutely loved this. You got me totally hooked. Some really incredibly hot stuff. So deep and dramatic. Well paced, good sense of characters and their development. I want more! I have only one small critical comment, which is that you seemed to switch tense repeatedly through the story. Sometimes you were writing in past tense, and sometimes present. Despite that, this is probably one of the best things I've read on here. Incredible. Well done.

I have not a 14-page story in this site that remotely as interesting in every page as yours. Thank you for gracing with such a gripping story as Jay's and Malachi. All the best!

This really disgusted me.

I loved this story. Please write more!

I was liking Jay until it was revealed just how sadistic he really was. Is friends are just as sick. Him branding her than locking her in a dark cell for what was it? A week or more? That would drive a person crazy. Many Masters/Owners brand their property but I thought he bought her to make her his not to see if he could break her and move on to the next one. I was disappointed in Jay. I would have stayed with Lucien or gone to the police. Lucien was a victim as well. They could have been good for one another to heal. They both need to stay away from that group. And Jamie...needs to be locked up in a mental ward or a prison. That guy has some major issues. For Jay to be upset with him is very hypocritical, do as I day and not as I do.

Overall, I liked the story and even Jay until he became well a true monster.

Enjoyed it. Very well written. I probably would have ended it on a different note, not sure Jay is capable of really being able to love anyone. Selling her to Lucian was as close to being loving as he could be.

Horrific. A classic study in Stockholm syndrome. This doesn’t read as a dark erotica but more a story about a sadistic, abusive man who uses “smoulder” as his way to her heart and the key to her submissiveness. Completely unrealistic and it is evidently written by a man. The plot is not cohesive, characters underdeveloped, the ending - a total mess. Please get someone to actually read your content constructively before posting next time.

Play with my emotions for 14 pages and then leave an unsatisfying ending, why don't you?

I want to cry right now but I am not able to...

This story played with my emotions for 14 pages and now gives me such a horrific end, I want to cry out in frustration so now I'm going to find some sad story to cry on...

Although it kept me on my seat, it just left a sour taste in my mouth. Lucian was probably her only chance of happiness, i got turned off as soon as jay offered her up to his psychotic friends when she’s supposed to be his, then he sells her to Lucian as soon as she completely breaks? And the whole “he’s a good man he would have killed himself if he didn’t have a slave” lol WHAT. and her in the car with that random guy trying to escape only to end up at the grandmasters ? There could have been some good character development but it lead to me absolutely being annoyed or hating every character in the book. I read this for what? My time was wasted.

This was the best fucking story I’ve ever read omg!!!

To find a Master like Jay is a true blessing that cannot be measured in words, I have found my Jay and my place in the world

14 pages of toying with my emotions and making me frustrated at times. Very well and I did enjoy it, wish there was more at the end.

Sorry, but this just kept getting worse, and worse the more I read. First there is the grammatical issues. I'm not a big stickler on small spelling errors, but hate when I have to reread sentences, or even whole paragraphs to imagine what was actually intended. It really disrupts the flow and ruins the reading experience altogether when there is a combination of words that are missing, misplaced, out of order, or just completely wrong word choice to begin with. I'll never understand why a writer would go to all the time and effort of writing a novella, or book, just to trash it with incomprehensible errors. What a waste of talent and creativity, especially here where every one knows they are graded through the star system and critiqued in the comments. If an author doesn't care enough about their own work then why should anyone else? All that said, I found the story itself rather unbelievable with a thoroughly depressing ending. Our main female character has maintained her defiance and fighting inner spirit after years of attempted conditioning as a sexual slave through torture and deprivation, only to fall in love with a master who treats her even worse? Why? Because he was handsome? Great body? Rich? Some nebulous "It Factor"? Stockholm syndrome can't explain it because of her established resistance. It just didn't make any sense. He displayed zero care or concern for her other than to patch up wounds he himself inflicted if she wasn't adequately compliant. Even that only came off as selfishly not wanting to break her physically until he could completely break her mentally, and when that was thoroughly achieved she held no more appeal or value to him. He also gave zero concern about displaying and passing her around to his psychotic sycophant friends for equally abusive treatment. Only stopping one of them from actually " tearing her apart", again...not because he cared for her, but that she was HIS toy to break the way that satisfied HIM. Opportunities to explore anything explaining or attempting to redeem his behavior was glossed over by vague references from his hero worshipping friends. Being a sadistic bastard isn't excused or admirable just because deep down he wished he were a better man. and it was pretty well displayed that he was not! I enjoy a good HEA, but never assume or expect one from this genre, and in stories like these, downright resent the implication when not enough effort went into it to garner one. I would have been far more impressed with a simple evil wins, or even more satisfied with a great justice wins with a great revenge scenario. How about she drugs and locks the whole damn lot of them into the barred dungeon and sets off to hunt down her kidnapping traffickers. I'll bet Jay gets knocked off his hero pedestal pretty quick when he starts looking like a turkey dinner with a bunch of depraved starving psychos!

Cataegis with a C is a type of sea snail/slug

Kataegis with a K is the Geek word meaning thunderstorm

I agree with a number of comments disliking the ending of this story. I actually felt my dissatisfaction growing as Jay showed less and less redeeming values and the plot became less and less believable. The scene with Jay's acolytes, and her beating followed by more abuse, branding, the caging then Kataegis'. sale placed Jay at the same level as Kyle and his organization. The walk away from her current master only to fall victim immediately to another enslaver was like, really??? I know you left it vague what sort of relationship she was returning to but in any type of relationship with Jay was hard to fathom.

So he tortured her for not letting his friends gang rape her and he's somehow a good man lmao

I liked it. It made me feel