Solstice Ch. 01

He gave a delighted grin. "Close enough. You see? She was right."

"Really?" I returned his grin, stunned. "What sort of artist?"

"Oh, I do designs for people. Commissions, that sort of thing. Boring stuff -- you don't want to know. Tell me about the children you work with."

So I did, leaving out the detail of where I actually worked, answering his interested questions with a growing sense of astonishment that he wanted to know. But as our dinners arrived I learned that his three sisters all had small children, that he was uncle to no less than three nephews and four nieces and that he doted on each and every one of them.

By the time he'd finished telling me about the youngest, eight week old Harry, I was completely relaxed in his company. The chicken was melt-in-the-mouth delicious, the vegetables perfectly steamed, a second glass of bubbly going straight to my head. "So I take it you'd like to have kids some day?" I asked, serene enough to ask a more personal question.

There was a long silence in which it slowly dawned on me that somehow, I'd asked the one question I shouldn't have asked. "Oh God. Was that horribly insensitive?" I babbled, panic-stricken. "Because if it was, I'm really sorry -- you don't have to --"

"No, no -- it's fine." Adam laid down his knife and fork before looking up at me. "Actually," he said, a slow smile travelling to those velvety brown eyes, "I'm kind of impressed."

I took an emergency sip of champagne. "Why?"

"I told you I had a wife more than half an hour ago but you just let it go. Didn't even attempt to ask me anything about her."

I steeled myself to hold his gaze even though every fibre of my being suddenly yearned to bolt. "Well that's because it doesn't matter," I managed, though I wasn't entirely convinced I meant it. "It isn't like I have any right to know. Look --" I forced a laugh. "I got stood up tonight. You very kindly invited me here for dinner -- and if you hadn't, right now I'd be sat in my poky little flat eating a microwaved lasagne and watching something crap on telly. So whether or not you have a wife is completely irrelevant --"

"She died two years ago."

"Oh." My heart lurched in sympathy. "Adam, I'm so sorry." Even as I said the words I knew they were useless. How often must he have heard them? "What happened?"

"I murdered her."

I regarded him with mounting horror, this time completely at a loss. "R-right. I see," I murmured at last, struggling to keep an open mind. "Well --"

Adam's roar of laughter was one of the most welcome sounds I'd ever heard. "Your face!" he gulped as I let out a groan of relief. "That was so worth it --" he tipped back his head and addressed the ceiling "-- Claire, forgive me -- but it had to be done -- just once." His gaze found mine again, his shoulders still shaking with mirth. "I'm sorry. But you -- you have the most wonderfully expressive eyes. I feel as though I can see everything you're thinking -- and that --" he gave another choke of laughter "-- that was worth seeing!"

Despite my embarrassment I found myself smiling back at him, the rather back-handed compliment causing a glow somewhere deep inside me. "Her name was Claire?"

He nodded, sobering. "She was coming back from London after a meeting. Got involved in a five car pile-up on the motorway. Her car was in the middle, concertinaed at both ends." Though the imagery was shocking, he remained unruffled, clearly having told the tale many times over. "The fire crew managed to cut her out eventually but it took too long. She died before they could get her to the hospital." He gave an almost imperceptible shrug. "It was probably just as well, given how bad her injuries were. She wasn't exactly the sort of person who would've adapted well to life in a wheelchair."

I looked at his hand, only inches from mine, knowing that Lisa would've instinctively reached forward and taken it. But just as my fingers twitched, the waiter returned to clear our plates and the moment was lost.

"Were you together long?" I asked when he'd gone, having eventually managed to persuade both Adam and the waiter that I was too full for dessert and only wanted coffee.

"We'd been married for four years but we'd been together for ten. We met at university. She was doing Law." He paused, a glimmer of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Incredibly bright. You know the sort -- did cryptic crosswords in ten minutes flat, knew everything from Greek mythology to nuclear physics. Great girl to have on your team for the pub quiz." His smile deepened. "Quite what she was doing with a joker like me, I've never been able to work out. She was always headed for much bigger things."

I bit down hard on my lower lip. I hadn't gone to university. I'd gone to the local college to get my childcare qualifications, steadily working my way through all the courses available until I'd reached the highest level the college offered. It had paid off -- I was deputy manager of the nursery where I worked. But as I didn't hold a degree there was little chance of further promotion. A degree seemed hopelessly out of reach -- not only was I unsure whether I'd be able to cope with the studying required, money was tight enough already. The mortgage on my flat swallowed a huge chunk of my salary.

"And the look on your face has just reminded me why I really shouldn't be telling you any of this."

"Wh-what?" I looked up with a guilty start. "No -- don't be silly -- of course you should talk about her --"

"No, I shouldn't. Not on a first date, anyway."

"But it's fine." This time I did reach for his hand. "She was part of your life for ten years --"

"And now she isn't -- and I need to move on. I want to move on." Adam gently squeezed my fingers. "And I don't want any woman I'm with to feel as though I'm comparing her to Claire. Because the truth is, it's not a competition."

I stared at him. Was my expression really that transparent? "Adam --"

He smiled, shaking his head. "So tell me. What sort of music do you like?"

It was evident he wasn't going to change his mind. So we discussed the relative merits of Kylie and Madonna (both great, but wasn't Madonna amazing for her age?) and Bon Jovi and Bryan Adams (no contest in my book -- Everything I do was the theme tune to my first proper teenage crush). And by the time we started debating Take That, the recently revived British boy band (were they better now or back in the nineties?) we'd finished our coffee, Adam had paid the bill and it was time to leave the hotel.

"Take That? Oh, they're much better now." I smiled at Adam as we went down the steps. "I never liked Robbie Williams much, anyway."

"Especially after he left the band. Didn't they have to set up an emergency hotline for suicidal teenagers when the band split up? I bet you rang that hotline, didn't you?"

"No!" I gave an outraged giggle. "I was, what, sixteen -- seventeen by then?"

He nodded gravely. "You see. You even remember how old you were. That's how traumatised you were."

"Yeah, right." But as we reached the pavement I felt a pang of regret. Our date was over and I didn't want it to be. From the moment Lisa told me what she'd arranged I'd felt an odd mixture of dread and ambivalence. How could spending the evening with a stranger be anyone's idea of fun? And yet this -- this had been fun. Though he'd teased me constantly, Adam had been the perfect companion, both generous and attentive. Not only had he'd managed to draw me out of myself, he'd seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. So much so, I realised, this time with a surge of guilt, I hardly knew anything about him.

"Well," I began at last, casting a reluctant glance towards the taxi rank across the road. "I suppose --"

"How about a stroll?"

I gazed up at him, unable to conceal my delight. "Okay."

He grinned and held out his arm. Crossing the bridge, we set off hand in hand along the dimly lit embankment, looking for all the world like lovers, not two people who'd met for the first time that evening. We walked in companionable silence for a while, listening to the breeze rustling the great weeping willows, the night-calls of unseen birds roosting along the riverbank. Though it was cooler than it had been earlier the air remained pleasantly balmy.

"It's still not quite dark," I said, looking up at the ink-washed sky and noticing that only the brightest stars were visible.

"It's the longest day of the year tomorrow."

Of course. The summer solstice. "Does that mean that tonight is the shortest night then?"

Adam sent me a sideways glance. "It certainly feels like it."

I knew what he meant. The last two hours had flown by. "Well, it must be tonight or tomorrow night, I s'pose," I murmured, experiencing another inward glow of pleasure.

"The nights are all short at the moment. The bedroom in my new flat faces due east, which means the sun wakes me up pretty much every morning. Right now that's around quarter to five." There was a pause. "I really must buy some curtains."

I laughed softly. "Well, the sun never shines into my room. All I've got is a wonderful view of my neighbour's potting shed." I smiled as he tutted in sympathy. "If I wanted to watch the sunrise I'd have to set my alarm and go outside."

"Or stay up all night."

"Mmm. One of these days I'll have to try that."

"You've never done it?" Adam seemed shocked. "Seriously?"

I shook my head. "It's on my list of things to do before I die." The moment I said it I wanted to bite off my tongue and throw it to the ducks. What the hell was I thinking? Now I really was being insensitive…

He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "What else is on that list?"

"Oh, lots of things. The usual sort of stuff."

"Like?"

Cornered, I searched my brain for possibilities. "Travel the world. Learn a foreign language."

"Do a bungee jump?"

I laughed. "No, I don't think so. And I wouldn't like to jump out of a plane with a parachute either."

"Oh, you should. I have."

"Really?" I glanced up at him with renewed respect. "What was that like?"

"The worst bit was jumping out of the plane. God, I was so scared. But after that, well -- amazing. You don't even feel like you're falling -- you don't get that stomach-dropping, going-down-a-rollercoaster feeling. It's more like floating on a bubble of air. Fabulous experience. And once it was over I just wanted to go back up and do it all again."

"Wow." I shook my head. "Still don't think I could do it though. I hate heights -- God, I can't even do rollercoasters. So to jump out of a plane…"

He chuckled softly. "Too far out of your comfort zone, huh?"

"What made you do it? Was it something you'd always wanted to do?"

"It was on my list of things to do before I die. And when Claire died -- well, it made me realise that you just don't know how long you've got. So when a group of guys I was working with said they were jumping for charity, I volunteered to have a go. Raised more than a thousand pounds for the air ambulance."

"Fantastic." I swallowed hard, humbled. I'd never done anything particularly altruistic. In fact, come to think of it, it didn't feel as though I'd done anything worthwhile with my life. "I s'pose you've done everything on your list then?"

"Not at all. You see, new things keep getting added all the time."

"Like?"

"Well…"

We'd slowed to a halt, having reached the second bridge already. Crossing it would mean going back along the other side of the river towards the bright lights of the city. Alternatively, we could carry on, pass through the sturdy wooden gate and take the path across the water meadows towards St Catherine's Hill. During the day, this was a popular route for walkers, locals and tourists alike, but now it was deserted, the pathway disappearing into darkness.

"I've never had a one night stand. Shall we?"

I let out a gasp. "What?"

He solemnly indicated the gate. "Walk a bit further?"

"Oh." My voice was small. "Yes."

Laughing -- I had a feeling he'd chosen his words deliberately -- he let go of my hand and ushered me forward into the gateway. It was one of those V-shape constructions originally designed to give easy passage to people but not animals. The gate itself was attached to a fence post opposite the centre of the V, hinged like a tongue so that it could flap against the two sides and only allow one person to pass through at a time. But instead of following me, the moment I'd passed through Adam grabbed the top rail of the gate and pushed it flush against the fence on my side.

"Hey!" Trapped, I took a swift glance at the darkened path ahead of me before turning back to peer at him over the barrier. "Aren't -- aren't you coming with me?"

"Well that rather depends." He leaned on the rail and regarded me quizzically. "You see, this is a kissing gate."

Uh oh. I could see where this was going. "So if I want you to come with me…?" As he inclined his head, my mouth went dry and my heart began to pound. "I see."

"It's your choice. And if you'd rather not, that's fine. We'll just head back to the high street and get you a taxi home – I promise to be the perfect gentleman. But I think you should know --" He smiled, suddenly appearing rather nervous. "The idea of kissing you seems to have shot to number one on my latest list of things to do before I die."

Right now, the idea of kissing him seemed to be at the top of my own list... "I see," I said again, rather helplessly. "Well. Okay."

His eyes widened. "Okay?"

I watched his smile broaden to a relieved grin as he reached for me, grasping my hands. Then everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

Putting my arms around his neck, his own arms swept around my back, tugging me as close as the gate would permit. And when his warm, soft lips finally landed on mine, I wanted to cry out with the wonder of it. I clung to him, dizzy with desire, allowing the pressure of his tongue to open my mouth, my eyes crashing closed as I willingly yielded to his possession. It had been a long time since I'd been kissed -- and no one had ever kissed me like this…

"Wow," he murmured, raising his head at last. Though he was smiling, he looked somewhat shaken. "I guess I'll have to come with you then."

I giggled, rather shaken myself. "I guess you will."

Releasing me, Adam opened the gate and came through, his hand once again finding mine as we started along the track. "You sure about this?"

My eyes hadn't yet adjusted to the darkness so I couldn't see his expression but the concern in his voice was obvious. "About going for a walk? Sure." I kept my own tone light, but the butterflies in my stomach flapped in anticipation.

What else had I consented to with that kiss?