by menufem
NEEDED TO BE MORE SENSUAL. TO QUICKLY INTO SEX, NO BUILD UP. MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN READING A COOKBOOK.
good story have somene edit your story to correct the grammer other thanthat i wuld love to read more on these 2 hell maybe even invole mother son aunt
Still a good story even though his English is not his home language. Got a "5" from me because it was good and at he did try. Thanks. JAG
In spite of the people trying to correct your writing style, the basic story is great! I followed a good theme. Yes, follow the critical remarks of the others and you will be a great writer.
The same goes for you, buddy. It's spelled "you're" not "you;re".
Anonymous, poor spelling. Grammar is the word you;re trying for. It is easy to hide behind Anonymous and be obnoxious and insulting. real morons