All Comments on 'Some Time with Jackie Ch. 01'

Want some constructive criticism?

"Hello John." My mom said stepping out from the kitchen

The proper way to write that is:

"Hello, John," my mom said, stepping out from the kitchen

Added a comma after Hello.

Removed period after John and added a comma because you never finish dialog with a period when going to stating who said what..

Removed capitalized My and add lower case.

Added comma after said because you stated something she said and went on to something she was doing. That requires a comma.

Stuff like this drives me nutz, but you asked for constructive criticism and I gave it.

you need to finish this story all the way to the conclusion, it has me so hard wanting more.

Very nice, but any guy with a tongue long enough to lick a girl's g-spot would certainly not be a virgin by his senior year of high school.

Great story and YOU must continue the saga!

Really enjoyed this chapter, but i need more....

please continue with chap. 2 thank you

Loved what I have read so far. Can't wait for the rest.

great story so far, keep up good work

Where do you think the G-spot is located? He can't lick it unless he's a frog or a lizard.

Very good start on the story. I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the good work.

Wish you would have added a little more with Jackie and why she gave it up. We realize it was based on her planning to "give it up" to her BF and she screwed up

I thank you for all the feedback and i hope to improve on my writing in the next chapter, and all my stories with it. I hope you enjoy them.

Im sorry but the mom stuff was weird. She hasnt dated and she goes from possibly staying out late to an entire weekend to a month long vacation??? What? Sorry but thats stretching it way too thin and the kids are like yeah ok no biggie? Thats needs to be either removed or rewritten to something much more believable. Gave it a three because of it. Would have been five if it was presented better.

Looking at some of the other comments, I can sort of see their points. Sort of. BUT, it's a story and it doesn't have to reflect actual real life, after all. It's your story, not theirs. You just chose to share it for (hopefully) the enjoyment of others. I enjoyed it and can't wait for the upcoming chapters. Maybe mom and the new BF will have a tryst with one or both kids in the future. Can't wait to see where this goes. Keep writing and THANKS for sharing your creation. I found it a quite enjoyable story.

P.S. I wouldn't give any weight to the comments that are posted as anonymous. I feel that if you have something intelligent and useful to say, that you should own your words. But that's just me.

This is only your first story and I thought you did very well. The people who say shitty things are either too stupid or too fucking lazy to write their own stories. Keep Up The Good Work!

i hope you keep this story going, since its your first. what happens while the mother is away? what will happen after she gets back? etc.....

I really enjoyed this story. Hope u finish the saga, can’t wait to read what happens next.

Fabulous! Yummy! I have a strong fetish when it comes to the aroma and taste of female sexual fluids, lubrication and the pussy itself and this story did not disappoint. John and I are so similar. All I need now, is my own 'Jackie' ! LOL!