All Comments on 'Something Wicked Ch. 01'

Some incredible emotions tangled up in this one! Once again you have wrapped me up in the web of your words and I will be here until you release me. Terrific writing, as always. Thanks, Randi.

Enjoy your stories. Can’t wait for the next chapter.

My favorite scene from my favorite Shakespeare work , and I think the foreboding it hints too is very applicable in your story .

You are a artist with the written language , you're very good indeed .

I actually tried to dislike your protagonist , but you just wouldn't let me . Sure she broke her vows , but , she paid and is paying a heavy price for her mistake .

Looking forward to the conclusion.

5*'s

They went nine months without sex? Was confused how a husband and wife could do that. They were just married too right?

Enjoyed that, looking forward to more.

You give me that Bradbury feel. Unsettling, a sense of wonder at where this journey will end, and a foreboding that it will be in a dark place as the animals in the children's nursery come alive and rend everyone. Amazing word wizardry. Five stars from me, and I anticipate part two.

Stories in the last two weeks from JustPlainBob, DTIverson, Laptopwriter and Girlinthemoon. What is the world coming to? The anonymous soothsayers need to prognosticate.The High Priestess must be slipping. How has this happened?

It's as if the vixen in Eagles' staple song " Lying Eyes " was suddenly smitten the morning after by a opressive consience, and had forgotten " how to arrange things" , never had the faintest idea of how to "set it all up so well- so comfortably" and had never ever read Germaine Geer or Simone De Beauvoir. Now Laura is stalked by the truth and the man with no name's archaic cassette recordings of their tryst.

All this angst to preserve a precarious, probable starter marriage sans children, with only nascent mutual validation and meaningful intimacy ? That's ever so perversely romantic if one thinks about it . Ergo my obvious rating

Full marks *****

A fantastic story about what can go wrong even on a one night stand.

So fun to start a story with so many plot possibilities to follow. I can't wait. Great start.

Just the kind of story I like. Emotional, compelling, top notch writing, nobody gets clubbed with a pick handle. Can't wait to read the second part.

Great dialogue, clearly written emotions, realistic characters, smooth flow...everything I've come to expect from a Girl on the Moon story.

I love the inner turmoil and the back and forth with herself about taking the plunge. I also love the fact that there was realistic reasoning as to the reason why she was vulnerable. That's what's missing from a great majority of Loving Wives stories. In my opinion, too many author's try to paint the husband as being completely innocent to garner sympathy for him. In doing so, you have this perfect husband and perfect father who gets cheated on for...reasons. Either the wife is a cock hungry slut who loves gangbangs, or she has secretly fantasized about a big black dick and couldn't turn down the chance. Here we have a woman who genuinely feels neglected, and has stayed this long in the marriage because she didn't have the nerve to let it go until she got the push. This woman could be my next door neighbor.

And all of that was before we got to the hook! Great cliffhanger. As intrigued as I was before, it's doubled after the last few paragraphs.

Obviously, a five. I can't wait for the next installment.

Love the writing style, so erotic, ignore the anonymous trolls! if you fitted some cuckoldry into the plot you could really wind up the trolls, giggle

One has her being newly married, another calls theirs a starter marriage.

The story states they had been drifting apart for TWO YEARS.

Well past the newlywed or starter time frame.

Do not recall reading definitive length of marriage but those two commenters have it wrong!

I loved the way you set up your tableau. You are one of the absolute best in creating drama. Eagerly awaiting Chapter Two.

oshaw

Outstanding dialogue, excellent character building. Realistic internal pain and confusion. Looking forward to reading the next installment. Five stars. As usual.

You added more regret on the woman’s part thanI have in my past LW stories, and left us with a cliff hanger: will her husband find out or not?

5

Waiting for part 2...A good story until now, but I´ll wait for part 2 to rate the whole story...

always stands out in your stories. The woman seems real and her emotional roller coaster has reeled me in. I want to find out what happens. I will be looking for the next chapter, and that's a great thing! This is some seriously good writing.

You are quite able in pushing reality to the forefront of your stories, well done! I tried my best to find anything redeeming about our dear wife in this story. At the end of this effort she remained at the best a simple life support system for her cunt with no redeeming qualities what so ever. I bet she fucks him then hashtags #METOO (as does a majority of the women)

Love your writing. Can’t wait to read the next chapter. I read on your blog that you plan to write more in 2018. Excellent news. Happy New Year to you.

As do most women IN THESES STORIES

Very glad to see you writing. I don't always appreciate your characters, but greatly admire the deft hand with which you expand upon and expose them.

Too many on this site are too fixated on their fantasy or anger, and not enough on characterization or craft. I suspect many fail to see how the latter can *boost* the power of the former.

However, A very weak female character for a wife.

My nightmare hadn't ended, I realized. It was just beginning; and my marriage was over. No other way to end it is there.... not and make it believable...Unless the asshole she spent her wonderful night with is castrated and she does it.

I thoroughly enjoyed that. Can’t wait for part two. Thank you for sharing your considerable talent.

Theakston

Just stop here.

I find this thoroughly depressing and don't want to read any more from you.

Where are you??This is a perfect story for you as it will be a wife who gets her just do.

I see you over in the cuck stories wirh comments and you hate cuck stories.

Just Curious??

Bright Comments

Thanks

Why are you so compelled, dude? GITM gets props from the object of your obsession, so you do your little "no one will know it's me" thing? It's impossible for you to hide your tells, you aren't smart enough, and you're back making your multiple anonymous comments and votes? Damn, man, that's so pathetic. Even I feel bad for you.

Something about how they were in line first.

GITM is, in my opinion, the best writer on this site. This, in anyone’s opinion, is the best written story this category has seen in a long time — with one or two possible exceptions. Yet, look at the score. Well under 4.0. Why? Because no bitch is burned, no woman is raped, murdered, or humiliated, and no pickaxe handles are involved.

Dear BTB enthusiasts, please tell us again about how the ratings reflect the actual quality of the story, and how the Hall of Fame illustrates that good scores have more to do with quality writing and storytelling than fantasizing about abusing women.

Turn green much? LOL. Anyway, this is a well crafted story with character development that doesn't depend on physical descriptions and dryly recounting pasts.

Yes, blackmail has been done before and guess what, so has revenge, reconciliation, swinging, humiliation, cuckolding, simple adultery, etc. This is well done and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Thanks, 5*

Talk about well written. I absolutely feel the emotions being described here.

This is an absolute gift.

More, please.

I like different, good job.

Thanks,

MGM

I saw your name and immediately got excited and you did not disappoint!

Thanks for writing for all us short story junkies.

I was love/hating the cheating wife story before the twist but I am on edge with love/hating the creepy predator angle even more!

Love your style Girl!

5* easy.

I don't see how this excellent short could be rated less than 4 myself.

I sincerely appreciate characters with more than two dimensions and Girl delivers!

This can't end well for someone!

Entertaining - and isn't that what it's all about? 5* from me. I hope that it doesn't get too creepy in the next chapter, however -- I prefer stalkers dead.

Please. You never left. You fool no one, Joe. Now we can go back to ignoring you like always. Bye now.

Some interesting things in the marriage like nine months of not touching each other? It seems like he's a med student/intern and she's a school teacher so the lack of time together doesn't seem to be time constrained? Well written and looking forward to future chapters. The missing drivers license and the pushy behavior of the young man seems like some kind of a set up (with or without Brendan's involvement)?

Sweetie, you couldn't ignore me if you tried. The only fool here is you, seeing me everywhere you look. You can't stop thinking about me. It wouldn't shock me if you dreamed about me. I'm flattered and repulsed at the same time.

I have to agree with many others here, especially from several authors I admire, your writing style and especially your dialogue is always intriguing. You seem to be able to drag me into the scene with your description of the events. That is a rare gift. I agree that you are a treasure to this site and often wonder about how even subject matter haters can’t recognize this and at least give you your due. Probably says more about them than you.

I admire the way you challenge yourself with topics that are both controversial and deep. I pray that all the negative comments from people with moral objections to some of these topics will not keep you from challenging yourself. Your voice is worth being heard.

As for the story itself, I look forward to where this ends. So many possibilities, and I am sure you will surprise us. Thanks again. ***** of course

This offers up a lot of meat to chew on. At first I though she dreamed it and then it seemed to be a setup with the husband asking if she forgot something in

Atlantic City and then producing her license. Now it looks like a deeper and crueller

reality blossoming.

and I'm left in awe of your talent. 5*

Good writing. You can feel the story getting darker with desperation. I would confess and come clean, get even back with hubby's help.

If this is just the beginning of her night-mare, question is, how far does she let it go, before coming clean ? There are about 3 different ways you can take this right now so we'll have to wait and see, but none of them look good for her. 4 stars, only because I hate cheaters.

on Literotica, though talent is as it is and reveals itself wherever. Yours is subtle --

I could cite a half-dozen places where I found the phrases and sensibility dumbfounding in their subtlety because utterly unexpected on a website like this (though as an amateur literateur, I respect all other near-miss amateurs). Except for the improbable and intrusive "recording" at the end. Don't do such things! Derive your significant endings from what's given!

Good story. Very well told.

Hopefully her torment goes on and on with no end insight. Finally as she begins to adjust to being a adulterous slut her husband finds out. He saves her after destroying her lover, and, in the end divorces her because he can’t bear to be near her. They remain friends, but not spouses for she has completely devastated his world with no ability for reconciliation or healing of the marriage.

Why would you wish for an end in which everybody loses? That’s what you described, you know.

Even when a husband burns the bitch and her lover, he still loses.

Because you force them to think. Those readers want a formula where the cheating bitch gets burned in the end, the husband emerges triumphant, and all is right with their little words. You screw it up with emotions, painting a portrait full of pain, remorse, and fear. Will she confess? Will he find out? How will they deal with it? The shades of gray shift constantly, obscuring a clear picture. Carry on the good work.

Q

I read it earlier this morning before I went to work and I was sure it would be right beneath DTI's story. Then I come home from work to find that it's barely treading water.

Girl in the Moon is an example of a huge flaw in the way Loving Wives stories are scored. At least it seems that way to me. Her body of work is EASILY deserving of being recognized among the stories in the Hall of Fame.

and their double, boil n trouble, TK U MLJ LV NV

I agree with qhml1, your stories are far more nuanced than the typical LW reader apparently is able to appreciate. Keep it up, intelligence and real conflict/emotion are in short supply here.

A thinking man's story. She will pay a heavy price for thoughtless cheating. This story can go in so many directions, all fascinating. Keep it going for a long time. One question though. Why no sex for nine months?

Javmor79 could not be more right about the loving wives scoring dilemma. Many of the stories I find most intriguing from a storyline perspective often are panned by many because of some moral/ideological issue.

With the idea that these authors are trying there best to create something and affect people emotionally with their words, I would hope that even the most closed minded person could understand that there strong feelings, even of outrage, shows that the author is effective.

I realize different strokes for different folks (pun intended) but let's be objective. We tend to scare good writing away from this category simply because wading through the quagmire of these comments is hard on the ego. Easier to go to Romance or Erotic Couplings where the audience is more pleasant. If you don't like the idea of cheating or cuckolding or whatever skip those stories. There is not requirement for you to weigh in. Let the authors hone their craft, live and let live.

I implore those that just want to bark at the moon to simply move on. The hall of fame deserves some of these stories to be recognized. Stories like this one and other personal favorites like RichardGerald's "Her Itch" or LunasSirius's "All In", though controversial are very good reads and cannot break 4stars, it doesn't make sense. The cream should rise to the top.

Keep it coming, girl!

GITM -

Thank you, and please keep this going. LW has a handful of truly great writers that we all wade impatiently through piles of crap to receive new stories from, and you are absolutely one of the best.

You make us feel uncomfortable emotions, which is why I read these stories, I think. We may or may not like your characters, but we feel them authentically.

I found your blog recently, and I read a post that intimated you may give up on Lit. Please don’t. Yes, there are a ton of asshats out there ... but there are even more of us that truly appreciate great writing.

Thank you, and can’t wait to see how this one comes out.

Thoughtful, well written, brimming with tension and expectant consequence. So few LW wives show any evidence of good sense, even after a serious misjudgement. This one does. She reads as a flawed, weak minded individual, patently aware and more importantly regretful of her mistake, mired in guilt and dreading the heavy, relentless tread of the oncoming consequences.

So many writers let there own bias colour their characters and their stories. You are one of the few, of whose characters remain unique and intersting and whose stories remain eminently readable irrespective of the reader's gender.

Keep up the good work.

5*

I feel like I understand her. Even the irrational speed with which she succumbed to temptation became clearer as the story developed.

How can this not have at least a RedH against its listing?

Lue

GITM just knows how to hit all the right places, AND keep you wanting more. Keep it coming!!

Spent many weekends in AC . Many married girls away at bachelorette parties or on a girls night out were getting fucked . I remember two guys fucked the future bride and her best friend, they were from Philadelphia. He was making her say guys from nyc have better dicks and fuck better. He took her ass and he was still fucking her from time to time because her friend was dating his friend. The girl trip or business travel is when people feel they won’t get caught so try fucking around . Not all are married but the guys I know that travel for business hook up whenever they want . They’ll tell you there is alway a pussy in those hotels traveling also and looking for a new dick

but the bill is coming due for her mistake. It always does, sooner or later.

Just didn't care for it at all! The dialogue was terrible and the writing was weak. For example...he dressed effortlessly...C'mon he had jeans on for pete's sake! No sex between husband and wife for 9 months...lol...even nuns get it more than that! No, just to lame for me.

Luna Girl has already implied that things will not go well for the heroine. The tape was a bit of deux ex machina and I'm glad it wasn't left on my door step or I would have had to go back to work and get the keys for the 92 Econovan to play it. Nevertheless, this story had a great pace and a character that is human. Hook ups happen and predators make it their life's work to separate spouses from their vows. No wasted words in this piece. To score it below a five would be insipid. Thanks for the story and I can't wait for the other shoe and part two to drop.

‘Nuff Said

Love the chapter. Hurried and urgent without being rushed. A great description of an impulsive mistake and all the factors that led up to it. Your characters come off as human and relatable.

Looking forward to chapter 2.

Thank you GITM for an interesting first chapter. As always the writing is excellent (I'm always envious of your writing skills) and the characters are flawed and real. Really looking forward to the next chapter!

Killian

I haven't commented because I haven't read this yet! I've been waiting for the conclusion, which is now up on the other site, will probably post comments for both parts on Ch 2 when it posts here.

BTW please advise which is the other site. Thank you

Very interesting. Reads more like the beginnings of a horror story. Liked it, gave you 3*s GirlintheMoon.

One thing really stands out. Laura goes seven months without intimacy with her husband. Meets a stranger at a casino, tells him her feelings, thoughts. She is emotionally intimate, then has sex with this unknown man. Wakes up the next day to find only her driver's license is missing. Goes home and has two more months without intimacy with her husband. In all that time there is no one she can confide in, ask for advice.

It is like she was looking for a psycho-killer, predator. HERE I AM GET ME!

If you were a man GirlintheMoon I believe you really hate women. At least this Laura character, lol.

Keep up the good work🤗!

AMerryman

This is one of those stories that makes a person uncomfortable to read. The protagonist isn't particularly sympathetic, but the antagonist is simply a horror show. He's written as uncomfortably pushy and stalker-esque from the very beginning and that creepy vibe blooms in full by the last paragraph. I can't decide whether this reminds me of a murder thriller or a "burn-the-bitch" story written from the woman's perspective. Either way it bodes ill for Laura.

Excellent yet creepy/sad chapter. Too many negative snarky comments, per usual. You seem to have a large troll following... is that a good sign?? I don’t find her unsympathetic, just a bit sad and lost. Too many people put all their expectations on marriage and don’t work on it enough. Her husband appears to just have finished med school and break-ups are common then. Of course the hours are long and stressful for all concerned, but tossing in a stalker is more than this relationship can handle. I’ll cross my fingers for the poor girl and read on. 5 stars to help balance out the “cuckshit idiot” troller.

You are one of the best. Your writing has the feeling of truth. I will always read your stories because they are hot and well thought and have a lot of soul. Congratulations!

Superb inner dialog, as usual. Note how many great writers from this site find the time to comment our your stories.

Good for you!

Well crafted in every dimension so far.

And?

You are a spectacular writer and the way you can so quickly and effectively create and convey a character is a skill to be proud of. Excellent, can’t wait to read pt 02. Thanks.

Incredible emotional energy and inner dialog.

I think you're a fantastic writer and when I compare your work to many of those that contribute to this site and .......you're just astounding!!

Wtf? Nine months with no physical intimacy? Huh? Unless a medical or psychiatric reason, there is no justification for that. That is not a marriage. The story goes on to say it had been two months, presumably since her cheating one night stand. So does that mean they hadn't had sex for seven months? Will read part 2, But they had a broken marriage. Not picking sides on why they didn't have sex for that long, but no wonder she was a target of a predator after drinking. That is messed up. A lot of stories on this site have some obligatory statement that the married couple have not had sex in the last couple of months. Even that is insane. I could understand HER reluctance for two months after whatbthe husband thinks is the anniversary that was spoiled and form her side, the quick raunchy fuck with the young guy in the other casino. But NINE months? Their marriage wa already dead. Life support was pulled a long time ago. Hence a reconciliation seems crazy. How did they get to be effectively unmarried? Yeah love is more than just sex and orgasms. But the story clearly says nine months of nothing more than hugs and pecks on the cheek. That isn't marriage unless they are in there 80s.

Fabulous beginning…

As usual. Unlikable characters.

Out with a bunch of girls in Atlantic City and you leave with a younger hot guy in a conspicuous way.

You go to this stranger's hotel room and you fuck him without protection? Cheating on your husband in what is a troubled marriage already.

What could go wrong?

Hahaha...you wrote another stupid cunt of a character. All your female leads are self destructive, clueless, unhappy and dumb. How is it that these characters all repeat themselves in your stories? That you write them like you know them so well?

Nine months with no sex or intimacy seems psychotic. I get the not doing it for two months after her raunchy one night stand and him forgetting her anniversary. Sure. Whatever. But NINE months? Wtf?