All Comments on 'South Mountain Pack Ch. 04'

Loving the idea. Keep going, my main question is are you going to follow this group all the way up till they can finally reach mating age? Or are you going to skip through the time? I also get the feeling that this is the calm before the storm so to speak. Which ever direction you take I'll be back to follow.

Darn at times I was nearly laughing myself silly over the actions and coments from Anthony and his father plus the Carlucci brothers

keep it going...read a story like this after a long time....want more....so i'll be waiting...& thank u for this awesome story....:)

I love this story. When do we get to read more Very, very soon, I hope.

This story is brilliant! I get soooo excited every time i see there is a new chaper . I can't wait to find out what happens to Scott !!! PLEASE post the next chapter soon !!

I agree with all the other comments. Your story is one of a few on this site I get so excited over when I see an update. I appreciate that you update pretty often so as not to forget what transpired in the previous chapters.

I can't wait to find out if any of the Miller girls will be mates of the boys. It would so deserve them right for teasing Anthony.

So happy to find something a little different to read.

Very enjoyable & amusing. Can't wait to read more. = )

I'm enjoying this story. I love stories where we get to know the characters and care about them. I'm intrigued by Scott's behavior. He must either be really stupid or have a death wish. I can't wait to see what's really going on. His comment about not coming between two people like some others would seemed to be glossed over, but I suspect it has something to do with the way he's acting.

I'm also glad to see that you that update regularly. I find it so frustrating when authors go months without updating, and I forget what's happened in the chapters before. I can't wait to see what will happen when the Miller's arrive!!!

Enjoying your story a lot. Hope to see the next few chapters soon. :)

look forward to seeing new chapters from you. amazing stories. feel like i know these people. waiting for the new girls to get here.

I hope that the new females coming in have some self-respect and do not act like giggling idiots as the current females do. It boggles my mind why being a strong female means that they act like manipulative bitches and giggling idiots at the same time.

Please dial back on the idiocy given these 'Were' females. Please give them some self respect, strength of character and leadership skills.

This story has potential and I have hope for it.

You are limiting yourself on the sex front by having all your young characters be high school kids. Unless I missed something and many of the boys are seniors and some of the girls arriving soon are also seniors or older (this site does have an age limit). You are in chapter 4 of this story where your main female character Sophia is a young teen, so until you fast forward a few years her story will remain something I would have loved when I was 16 but I find cute as an adult. There is nothing wrong with a cute story if that is what you mean to write. I am enjoying this story so far and some of the awkward moments with the kids and funny memories of the parents make me smile. If you are trying for some other kind of story, your main characters will need to be older.

First of all thank you so much because you dont take long to ubdate,and also I love this story its great and I cant wait to see this kids grow....and to the comment about the girls giggles well hello they are 15 what do you expect but anyway great story ubdate soon keep up the good work

It is super wonderful and I for 1 need to read the rest of the story. Please can you make the chapters longer. Let Vinny kick Scott's ass please

I'M SO LOVING THIS STORY THAT IT'S DOWN RITE RIDICULOUS. I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AND CRYING AT THE SAME TIME CAUSE I'M LAUGHING SO HARD. I can hardly wait for the next chapters to post. This story is a trip down memory lane of days gone by when girls respected themselves and the boy respected the girls for us older readers.

FOR THOSE FEW THAT'S COMPLAINIG ABOUT NO SEX AND THEIR AGES "GO READ ANOTHER STORY. A STORY DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE SEX IN IT TO BE ON HERE OR FOR THAT MATTER TO BE A GOOD STORY". I MYSELF FIND A STORY WITH TO MUCH SEX AND NO PLOT TO BE BORING. As the nice person i'm i don't post bad comments to the writer i go find something else to read more to my liking.

I like the story, characters, and progress.

As for the "shotgun" term in my comment title; The opening chapters pour a veritable deluge of information upon the unsuspecting reader, in a concentrated, almost overwhelming fashion. The first couple paragraphs of chapter one incorporate character introspection with environmental groundwork to get the reader up to speed in your "universe", but it gets pretty concentrated fairly quickly and (from my perspective) starts slogging the reader down with "stuff". The "stuff" is pertinent to the telling of the tale, but I feel like it needs a little more buffering, as I feel like I am getting blasted with data, rather than reading a story. The man cave scene was better, but still a bit strong on lists and examples. This approach fits the man cave portion to convey the overwhelming adjustments Anthony faces, but prior to this, it starts to hit the "tl;dr" threshold.

Don't take this harshly, please, I do like the story and I will keep reading the series.

There is obviously some tension building on several fronts, not counting the obvious central "intended mates" theme. I find the character development for the cast to be enough to keep the story going, but I would encourage a bit more depth to each. Perhaps occasional references to an individual's unique preference in clothing, accessories, tastes, accent, or attitude would help me keep the specific character better grounded in his/her place within the story. Currently the different brothers pretty much blend into the background for me, and I mentally file them away as "filler", with no particular place in the story. Not meant as a jab, just saying that they do not strike me as "memorable". I do hope you continue the story, as I am quite curious what will happen as the new family arrives. I expect all sorts of fun to ensue with lots of young men clamoring for opportunities to meet the "ladies". Clearly Anthony and his "intended" have many opportunities for drama and excitement with the unwanted attention at dance class or cheer-leading, or football for that matter.

Best wishes and keep on writing.

Can hardly wait to read more.

I am really loving these people! I laughed until my side hurt. I love the imagination and consideration you put into your story. I really like that it doesn't automatically head straight into sex. The story is well thought out and seems like there is more to come and I can't wait to read the next chapter from you PocketBL. I can only envision the wheels turning in your head of what will happen next especially for Sophia and Anthony. Plus, I want to see what's going to change in dynamics when the Miller Girls arrive in town. Should be interesting. Keep writing and I hope to read more stories from you soon. Syn'

I am going crazy not knowing what is going to happen next!! Hurry up and post it!

Only four chapters and there are just so many things to remember. And they were kinda compressed into huge chunks of paragraphs that tend to bog the reader down. I merely browsed the two pages of chapter one before I decided to read it fully.

Chapter 1 is supposed to be the intro of sorts, you cover almost all the bases but leave mystery for the readers so that they would look forward to reading your story. A glimpse of pack life, the location, the conflict. At least I think one of the major conflicts is about the ratio of male to female and while their pack has fewer females, other packs have reported to have more females and it has been going on for years.

Perhaps, I am looking for something to tie in everything. The council meeting, the male to female ratio, the party and then the mating. You kinda dumped everything in our laps lol in chunks. You have to work on flow. So many things going on and it is just the first chapter and why you decided to start with the physical description of Sophia, I have no idea.

I did appreciate chapters 2 and 3 where pack rules are laid out through different perspectives. It gave life to your story. It was fun. At least the mothers and fathers are fleshed out. With a story with so many characters, I hope you have profile charts of each pack member complete with a trait, other than position in the pack and job, that would set them apart from each other.

Aside from Sophia and Anthony, maybe a bit of Maria and the twin fathers, Frank and Joe, I have no idea what the other characters look like or are like. You can provide us with the fifty percent, and I am sure I can fill in the other fifty with imagination. The thing is, they also sound the same. I see names and still can't figure out who's brother he is - Sophia's or Maria's.

Here in chapter four, I feel rushed. Decide what is important in your story at this point. Sophia and Anthony or the security of the school. LOL. You could mention that the school is fortified with top notch security details in the intro. And then later be expounded or further described as they prepare for an imminent attack or during an attack. I mean, I am quite certain you would eventually repeat those info when the time comes that they actually need the safe room.

Ask yourself, do I really need to show or tell them this now?

I appreciate that you want your story to be close to 'reality' but you might have overdone it a little. We don't need their routines laid out and repeated over and over. Speaking of repetition. You tend to do that a lot. If it is mentioned before in a conversation, and there is a need for another party to know about, you don't have to repeat the whole convo again. Just mention it in passing.

Rest assured that I will be reading the next chapters just to see where this leads to. Besides, you are going to introduce the Millers, with ten girls. Hope you manage that.

Chapter 5 has been submitted and should be posted in a couple of days. I appreciate all comments and really do read them. I know that things have been progressing slowly story-wise but I felt that Chapter 2, the mens talk and Chapter 3, the womens talk, should definitely be separated to provide insight into character development and mindset between the men and women. Judging by the reactions from the voting and comments, 98% of you agreed. Chapter 6 is already finished and as soon as Chapter 5 posts, it will be submitted. Thank you for reading my story and please continue to comment and vote. Thank you

you are doing an amazing job at moving things along the way you are. and you are really sharing details so many forget I cannot wait for more

I don't think a were team could compete against humans and why would they have a battery powered generator not just battery backup

All the details are making things go slow i know we are still getting a feel for everything though too. I hope the pace picks up soon. I'd love to see some months pass by, or another birthday or two. ;) Maybe a rule change to 17 instead of 18, or maybe when they Graduate, if its before they turn 18. He is the Alpha's Son. Just my thoughts. Keep going :)

I do agree that it is going a bit slow, and why wouldn't the packs have mixed to even out the gender imbalance and if possible humans

Just began your story tonight, but not in love with it as yet. I appreciate the background information, but it's a little too slow for me. I love werewolf novels, so, I'll stick with this until the end. Thanks for all the work you have put into this storyline; it is much appreciated.

Anna

I think I would suffocate in that atmosphere; these girls barely have any freedom. Good luck on your writing!

There is a reason why her stories are amont the highest rated and the girls are so sheltered. it involves the murder of over 30 girls several years ago and the pack doing everything they can to protect the future. just because you would suffocate in this environment doen't mean its a bad one. as a father, I would do everything to protect my daughter too.

I do like the story but please, please, please don't keep using then where than should be used. Then is a time thing, than is 'more than, less than' etc.

I couldn’t even finish this chapter. It all seems so Stepford Wives with teenage delusions.

Yet you read enough to comment. I will never understand people like you, dont like something... move on!