All Comments on 'Speak to Me Ch. 01'

a bit slow at first but right at pace in the end. Describing inner feelings and emotions isn't easy but I feel you captured the essence very well. Am looking forward to the rest. G.Belgium

You said this will be a long story. You have too much if`s and`s and maybe`s. SLOW--I liked the story but it will put you to sleep with you cock in your hand, or finger in her pussy.---GOOD LUCK--This is a skan story.

It's clear and obvious this fem writer recently attended an inglis 'writing' class. So superFULLofus of words I have never read such crap except a recent grad of one of those classes.

C'mon peeps, remove all that crap and you have a 2 page boring story.

What a surprise: a literate author in Literotica! What welcome relief from the usual unimaginative attempts at writing that pass for standard fare!

At one point though, your sense of grammar broke down and resulted in these (ok, perhaps minor) flaws: [/]

"It would usually be her who wanted immediately to come snuggle under the covers." [/]

"Come lay down with me." [/]

"I thought we would just kind of... see what happens like we usually do." [/]

Please give us more.

Can you say pseudo intellectualism? Why use one well chosen word when 10 lousy ones will do? Don't quit your day job.

I had to take breaks on the first page which is unusual. At the end I was moving smoothly, and getting worried about what might be hidden behind their great sexual encounter and their communication difficulties. If I was not sure that the author was playing with the phantoms in my head, I would be worried about what the next chapters will bring. At the moment I keep wondering about possible participation of Jamie in the warmup!

This belongs in the "Romance" section, not the "Loving Wives" section. "Loving Wives" is for stories about wives who cheat or swing with their partners. The "Romance" section is for this style you have of two consenting adults. Perhaps your next installments will reflect the proper labeling... but it doesn't seem you are heading in that direction.

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It seems like a good story... but as others have stated... it's way too slow. There are other ways to build characters and you chose the slow and painful way. Don't get me wrong... slow and painful has it's place, but in your's, there is nothing new or unusual that needs all the extra attention. Plus you are lacking in one important part called "tension". You have none. Thus the characters come off as two dimensional instead of three dimentional as you are intending with your extra descriptive prose.

Best of luck figuring it out... you have potential.

<p>I am not afraid of criticism, and there is some validity in what is being expressed here. I suspected this would be too slow for a lot of you out there. I suspect the next three installments - what I consider the "core story" in this series - will not impress anyone who is not impressed with the first, either. But this comment board is my favorite part of the process, and I would like to exercise my right to speak as freely as the rest of you.</p>

<p>First of all, as for the purpose of this story: I was very clear, I thought, but let me say it even more clearly. If you're sitting at your computer desk with your cock in your hand, this is probably not your story. I thought I could get away with saying that discreetly in the intro, but apparently it slipped by a few of you.</p>

<p>I didn't expect this to be a breakaway success by any means. I did, however naively, expect criticism that was to the point, such as the anonymous reader who pointed out the incorrect categorization. As for that - I may be guilty of doing too little research, but when I see the words "Loving Wives", I think the very OPPOSITE of "Cheating Wives", so I think I could be forgiven that mistake, if you think about it. Moreover, the moderators of the site are more than welcome to rearrange as they deem appropriate. But that same anonymous reader does me no justice with the words, "Best of luck figuring it out... you have potential." I will allow such a statement to go unchallenged ONLY by someone who demonstrates a greater degree of success than myself. I daresay I've had the writing process figured out for a few years, if not the erotic writing process in particular. If there is a lack of "tension" in this story, I fail to see where it was needed. This is not a story about conflict, it's a story about NONE.</p>

<p>Although I disapproved of the approach, the anonymous reader from "Obamanation" does at least lodge a valid complaint that the story is too wordy. I am, by the way, a high school dropout - rather, I did my twelve years and fell one credit short of my diploma. I assure you I am not fresh out of ANY writing class - school is more than ten years behind me at this time. If my overabundance of words is detrimental to the value of the story, I will sincerely apologize and do my best to note the economy of my words in the future, but don't talk about what an open book my private life is when you don't know shit about me.</p>

<p>To my fellow American who calls me a "pseudo-intellect" and offers the criticism, "Why use one well chosen word when 10 lousy ones will do?" you failed to validate your point. If the story could have been shorter, by all means voice your opinion. If you see so many cases where any 10 of my words could have been replaced by a single, much better word, then qualify your opinion with examples. I believe that my choice of words, and my abundance of them, makes for a long, and perhaps painfully slow, read, but I don't believe at any point that I was redundant or repetitive. Perhaps I have given more information than you wanted to hear; I have not given the same information in too many different words. And I promise you, I have no intention of quitting my day job to write erotica for you to jerk off to, but thank you for your well-spoken concern over my general health and well-being. I'm all warm and fuzzy.</p>

<p>As regards the more positive feedback I have received, especially in private messages, it appears to me that this story is most appreciated by men and women who have been married for some notable duration. In one message in particular, a well-spoken reader who has been married for 35 years described EXACTLY that curiosity which this story is meant to express, when he said: "I can trust her, and would share it all which she does know, but as for her well lets say she has her own boundaries and little white picket fence around her innermost being and no one is getting in except her." That little white picket fence, the beauty of the flowers we happily married men know are in there, and the reverence we hold for the contents of that fenced-in place, are the subject matter of this story. If you have never looked at your wife in awe, if you have never felt blessed to be the man who sees her in her most intimate moments, you will not enjoy this series. If you have never been blown away by something as ordinary as the fact that your wife masturbates, don't bother reading. This is a story about the eroticism of reality, and it's being written by a man who is quite pleased with his own reality - maybe that's the reason the story falls short of anything fantastic or ridiculous.</p>

<p>For those few of you who have expressed curiosity: this story is, in fact, nearly complete. As I mentioned earlier, there are four installments which follow something of a "plot". At the end of that "plot", the storyline will leave a very convenient stage for much briefer, much more intense stories of the type you "get me hot critics" (as one reader aptly worded it) would more likely enjoy. Those stories will be more enjoyable for those patient readers who understand, via the first four chapters, the man and woman who populate them. For those of you who are not interested in this kind of storyline, you'll probably give up long before we get there.</p>

<p>I appreciate all of your remarks, though it might appear that I am combative about some. Rest assured I take the useful elements of all criticism and use them to improve your experience; this particular experience is already mostly done, but thank you all for some helpful advice on whatever I decide to do next. I believe, from the way this series is being received, I will be trying something very different next time, but I am unapologetically proud of this one all the same.</p>

the other comments and part of your story. Before I do critique I dont like drawn out chapter stories, if done daily it is fine but time delays in the story mean going back and rereading the prior chapters, and I am sorry I dont have time in my life for that. Second I agree with you when I see loving wives I dont see cheating or blackmailed wives, I see wives who actually love their husbands and when involved in sex with other do so with the prior consent of the spouse given and in mutually supportive way. I am not a grammartician so I dont comment much on how verbage is arranged except when misspellings and bad grammar disrupt the reading. But I do find overly verbose use of nonessential words to extraneous to the development of the story to quickly make it something I dont care to read. Perhaps you see what I mean in the sentence. I am of the old school, when one word conveys meaning why drown a person in words. For example, when no works, why say - I would prefer you didnt do that please. If you want to use long words please try to use antidisestablishmentarianism somewhere in the story line. Dont recognize that one, try looking it up, its in a good unabridged dictionary.

Why oh why do so many LW authors create doofus males? Even though this is supposed to be a "true" story I find it painful to read through all the manufactured buildup of the lack of true communication between these two who "love" each other so much. Maybe next part will overcome this, but I'm skeptical.

Long winded garbage as is your comment here.

Yes, long winded and no story...boring.

I know ypu warned us at the begining

But really i dont think ive ever tried to read anything as boring!!!

Amazing acknowledgement and verbiage of what a man feels when he is truly in love with his wife. You accurately portrayed the emotions that loving wives and husbands have toward one another. I can't understand the negative comments here. You must keep writing, you have talent and are much smarter than most of the writers on Lit and especially the commentators. Well worth 5 stars.

okay that was very strange, would say an exception to anything we have encountered. Would say your wife has sexual issues. She needs sex ed counsel for sure. Get over herself too.