Special Day Ch. 04

I filled Tiny and Ali in on what Ron had told me about Monday. I let them know that we were going to find my father and make him see that nothing had happened with Mom and Ron and that he had no reason to continue with the divorce.

Tiny was almost crying as I told him what I had learned. He said that he was the one that told dad about Molly meeting Ron at the motel.

He kept saying, "I screwed up. I screwed up!" over and over. "If I had not told your dad about the meeting and had just asked little momma what was up, this all wouldn't have happened."

I grabbed his hands in mine and said that he was not to blame. "Remember, mom started this 20 years ago. She began an affair with a married man for whatever reason and the result is the mess we are in right now. You did only as you felt necessary to protect my dad."

Tiny stopped crying and got himself under control. "We have got to get to your dad before he does something stupid. He won't hurt Molly but he might do something stupid to himself."

"He was pretty broken up about the whole thing."

"I've got his phone number and I can call him to meet us somewhere. You two will have to be there to make sure he listens to what I have to tell him." I looked at both of them to make sure they were with me on this.

Jim

I spent that evening after the birthday party in a suite at the downtown Marriott. It had all I needed for a few days: days I would need to begin the proceedings of ending my marriage. I had the lawyer and the papers and we would file those Monday at the courthouse. I had given Jennifer all she needed and the settlement I had proposed in the divorce petition was more than fair to Molly. She would never want for money and she could go anywhere or do anything she wished. I was pretty sure she wasn't going to go with Ron Davis as his wife might have something to say about that. Other than that, I had no idea about this woman I thought I knew as well as I knew myself.

Saturday came and went. I thought over the past 17 years with Molly and Jennifer. At no time during those years did I ever suspect Molly of having feelings for this guy she had an affair with so long ago. I would have bet my bottom dollar that she had forgotten him and that she never wanted to see him again.

I remembered my conversation with Ron Davis the one time we met. After he filled me in on their affair and what it consisted of, I believed that Molly was probably glad it was over and that the mistakes she made were behind her. Why would she ever want to go back? What did she have to gain by a last fling with that piece of shit? In his own words, she never enjoyed sex with him; it was more like masturbation using him instead of a dildo! They never experimented, they never made love, they never had oral or anal sex and they never met other than once every 6-8 weeks. What could she have been looking for that I didn't provide?

I lay back on the bed and covered my eyes with his arm. I unashamedly cried myself to sleep that way. I had no dreams and woke the next morning with no hope for a future of anything other than loneliness and sadness. I felt drained and unwilling to start the day. At that point, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Dad, it's me. I need to talk to you as soon as possible."

"Where are you? Do you know it isn't even 6:30 in the morning? And what do you want to talk about? I haven't talked with your mother and I haven't left the room since I got here." He was unwilling to get involved with his daughter at this point.

"Just please agree to meet with me. If you name a place, I will meet you there."

"I really don't want to see or talk to anyone for awhile. You must understand that. Can't we wait to talk until next week sometime?"

Jennifer pleaded with him until he finally agreed to meet her at the Applebee's on Broad Street at about 1:30.

He lay back on the bed and dozed until it was time to get up for breakfast. He was unable to go down to eat so he called for room service. A little more time before he had to face anyone.

Jennifer and Molly

After talking with her dad, Jennifer walked home from Becky's to see her mother. It was just 36 hours since her world had been turned upside down. She was angry with her mother, she was angry with Ron Davis and she was angry with her dad for not talking with her or with Molly before doing what he did. Damn him! That was just like him to do something fully on his own without involving them! He was always trying to protect her and mom, never thinking that they could take care of themselves.

She used the new key her mother had given her at her party Friday night to open the front door. She felt strange entering the house. It was almost like entering a stranger's home for the first time. She felt as though she didn't know the woman she had called mom for her entire life. She opened the door and entered.

Molly was standing in the entrance to the kitchen and saw and heard her daughter enter.

"Where have you been for the last two days? I was worried sick when you wouldn't talk to me. Why didn't you call me yesterday?"

Molly looked as though she hadn't slept for days. Her usually beautiful hair was tangled and dull, her face was pale and not made up, her dress was really a housecoat she used to clean and her beautiful eyes were vacant and red. She stood in the kitchen leaning on the counter.

"I had to think about all that I heard Friday night after dinner. It started out so happy and went to hell in a hand basket after that. I just couldn't believe that you had lied to dad and me for all this time. I would still not believe it if dad hadn't given me the facts and if I hadn't talked with the jerk that fathered me!"

With this last, Molly looked at if someone had slapped her. "What do you mean, you talked with him?"

"Just what I said. Yesterday I went to the same hotel you did Monday and I met and talked with Mr. Davis. I took Tiny and Ali with me so I was not in any danger." I waited for her to yell at me.

Instead, she slumped down in the chair behind her and just cried. I watched her for a minute and then went to her and just put my arms around her and held her as she cried. She finally went quiet and I sat down in the chair across the table and waited for her to say something.

"I never wanted you or your dad to find out about this. I have known since the day you were born that Jim was not your father and I promised myself that neither of you would ever find out. I did everything I could to keep it from you and I threatened Ron with his life if he ever contacted you."

"I made a promise with God that day that I would do whatever I could to make my life with you and your father as happy and as satisfying for all of us as possible. I did everything I could think of to convince Jim of my love for him and I believed I had succeeded."

"I had no idea that your father knew about it and no idea he had adopted you. Try as I might, I do not understand why he did what he did and why he never confronted me. If he had, I would have dealt with it and tried to salvage my marriage with him knowing the truth. But instead, he maintained his silence and stayed with me in spite of the fact that I had betrayed him and never trusted him enough to be honest with him."

"You may not believe this, but it would have been easier on him and on me if we had just been honest with each other so many years ago. The burden I have carried for all these years has been a terrible one. One that could hurt someone I loved with all my heart."

"The burden he carried was one that could only hurt him, since I already knew what I had done. Even in the midst of my betrayal, your father was the brave one and I was the coward."

"Now, I have lost him and a marriage I treasure. I never had the strength to be honest and it is now costing me dearly. I can only hope that you don't hate me for what I did, but if you do, I certainly understand."

I listened to my mother talk with a sadness that I hadn't felt in my 18 years. Not because of the truth, not because of what she had done, but because I knew that our family should not and could not be destroyed by something that was never planned and something that was truly regretted by mom. That she had carried that burden for all of her married life and that dad had carried the same burden, both afraid of losing what they now seemed resigned to giving up made my sadness turn to anger.

"I want you to lighten up and get dressed. We are going out and I will not accept no as an answer. I will not go with you looking like a bag lady so get dressed in something pretty and come have lunch with me. We are going to Applebee's for that Cajun steak you like so much." I stood up and held out my hand to her. She looked up at me, finally smiled and rose.

"Alright, I guess if you want me, you can have me. I don't promise to be a very good companion but I would like to have some time with you. I keep forgetting that you will be leaving soon and I won't have you around underfoot all the time." With that she went upstairs to change and clean up.

I called Tiny and told him that mom and I would be going to lunch at 1:30 as planned. He would be sure that he and Ali were outside the restaurant if I needed them. I told Tiny to keep his cell if I needed to call on them..

Molly

Molly woke up Saturday morning to find the house empty. She didn't know Jim had moved out and did not know where Jennifer was. She didn't see the message light on the phone until later in the day.

After checking the master bathroom to find that Jim's things were gone, she finally accepted the fact that he had moved out on her. He left nothing to tell her where he had gone and his cell phone was turned off. She called continuously all day and left messages but he did not respond. She understood then that he would initiate contact when and if he wanted to talk to her.

She wasn't sure what Jennifer had done, but she called Becky's house to see if she had stayed there. Becky assured her that Jennifer was fine and that she had left with Ali just about an hour ago. She thought she was going to pick out her car. Becky gushed as Molly simply listened. When she got a break, she ended the conversation and sat back in her chair with a sigh.

Now she knew that her world was ended. Her daughter was avoiding her, her husband had left her and was filing for divorce, and she had no one except herself to blame. She had cheated, she had lied, she had not had enough faith in Jim to be honest and she deserved exactly what was happening.

She spent the day alternately crying and sleeping, avoiding anything and anybody. Neither Jennifer nor Jim called. She had no idea how to contact Jim, and Jennifer apparently did not want to talk to her. She tried again at Becky's but was told that Jennifer didn't want to talk to her just now. She finally gave up. She went upstairs and climbed into bed and remained there for the rest of the day and night.

She awoke Sunday morning at dawn and went downstairs to make some coffee. She would have to try to get something going today. Maybe she should call a lawyer or call Tiny or Ali or even Tony to see if they knew of someone she could talk to.

As she contemplated her future, the front door opened and Jennifer entered.

Jim, Molly and Jennifer

Jennifer and Molly entered the restaurant just at 1:30. Jennifer had worked to set the time exactly so that there would be no chance that her dad and her mom would see each other before she had them together. She knew her dad and knew that he would be there early to wait for them. He was never late to anything.

As Jennifer looked around, she saw her dad setting at a window booth with his back to her. That was perfect. She told the waitress that she saw her party waiting and said that they would set with him. She took her mom by the hand and walked down to the booth where Jim sat waiting.

"Hi dad. Waiting for me?" Jennifer stood in front of her mother so that Jim saw only her at first.

He smiled and rose to greet her when he suddenly noticed Molly standing there. Molly was herself shocked to see him, not suspecting that her daughter had arranged this meeting. Both of them just stared at the other, not knowing what to say or do.

"Dad, mom, sit down with me." Jennifer pushed her mother into the seat across from her dad and slipped in beside her.

"Dad, if you try to leave, Tiny will just stop you. He is waiting just outside. If you look out the window, she can see I'm serious." Jennifer glared at both of them.

"There are things that need to be said and facts that need to be discussed and I will not let this go any further without a fight. I will not let my family be destroyed by a lie or by stupidity. You are both too important to me to allow that to happen." There were tears in her eyes as she said this.

"Jennifer, I don't know what I can say to make you understand that I can't live with your mother any more knowing what I know about her feelings for your biological father." Jim looked at Molly as he said this.

"See, that's what I am talking about. She has no feelings for Ron Davis and she wants nothing to do with him. Neither do I, but that is beside the point. What she did Monday is not what you think." She turned to her mother and said, "Tell him the truth for once in your life."

Molly looked at Jim before she began to speak. "The first thing you must know is that I never knew you were aware of the truth about Jennifer and Ron Davis. I behaved as I did to try to prevent you from finding out the truth. My reasons were probably not the best, but I wanted to protect both of you from the pain that the truth would cause."

" I hadn't talked to Ron Davis for over 17 years. I had believed with the silence that the truth would never have to come out and that we could go on with our lives as we had as a happy and loving family. I wanted to carry the truth with me to the grave and spare you the pain."

"When he called two weeks ago, I told him not to contact me and to leave us alone. He continued to call and said that he had no intention of leaving until he had seen and talked to 'his daughter'. I finally agreed to meet him at his hotel."

"I thought a lot of things. I thought of calling Tiny to have him killed. I thought that maybe we would be free if I could make sure he never bothered us again. I thought of you and our life and Jennifer and her future and finally decided that I would try to placate him with some pictures and stories and threaten him with disclosure to his wife and daughters if he didn't leave us alone. Killing him might come back to me and cost me the things I was trying to protect."

With the threat of killing Ron Davis, the depth of her desperation began to sink into Jim Morrison's consciousness. It was becoming apparent that Molly had tried to protect everyone by her own suffering. But he still wanted to know what had happened on that Monday at the motel.

"I went to the motel to the room number Ron had given me. He wanted to act as if nothing had changed and we could take up where we left off. I was glad because I could then let my anger take over. I slapped him as hard as I could and told him to back off. He was shaken but did move away."

"I had taken some pictures of the three of us and some videos of birthday parties. I want both of you to know that all of the pictures and videos were of all three of us. I wanted him to see you with your father and with the two of us. I wanted him to know we were a family and that he had no place in it. I told him that you were the daughter you were because of your father. Ron had nothing to do with that."

"I spent over two hours with him, but the time meant little to me. As I began to talk about you and our family over the past years, I couldn't stop. I let all of the love and respect I had for what we shared to take over and I went on until I finally ran out of words. Ron knew when I finished that he was not a part of my life and wasn't a part of yours."

"Before I left, he wanted to call you and meet you and maybe get to know you better. He even suggested that you should meet his daughters. I told him then that he would not contact you unless I told him he could. I told him that I would take action, and he knew what I meant, if he didn't do as I asked. I told him that as of that day, he was never to contact me again. I worried about what I would tell you so that if he did contact you it would not come as a total shock, but I decided I would worry about that later."

"That's the whole story. Jim, I regret not having faith in you. I regret not telling you as soon as I knew. As we grew in our marriage, I regretted not revealing the truth to you so many times. My only defense is that I mistakenly decided that if I alone carried the burden of the truth, you would be spared the pain that I knew you would feel if you found out. I now know that I was a fool. You already knew and you were suffering more by knowing that I willingly lied and misled you. My betrayal of you was magnified by my own ignorance and conceit."

"I understand the reason you want a divorce and I will not fight you on anything. I haven't read the petition you left, but whatever is in it, is fine with me."

Jennifer remained quiet during her mother's narration. She watched her father as he listened. He remained impassive, but his eyes never left her mom's face. She waited to see what he would say. She was not going to let him off the hook either. He had lied to her mother just as she had lied to him. Both were at fault and both would admit it if she had to force them to see it.

"The reason I wanted a divorce was because I thought you spent the time with that piece of scum having a sexual relationship and because I thought you were still involved with him. Are you telling me that I was wrong?" Jim looked at Molly, waiting for an answer.

"You were wrong! I never loved him and I never wanted a relationship with him. I used him at the time for sex and to avoid having to make a commitment to anyone. He was convenient, and I am ashamed to admit, that was because I knew he was married. That is a shame that I have never gotten over. The one time we had sex after we were married was once when I was thinking of you and Ron took advantage of me at a time when I was so lonely and you had been gone for so long. I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was too late."

"You remember we had decided to begin a family in July. I decided to go off the pill sooner since I had read that it might take up to 6 months after quitting to get pregnant. I didn't want to wait so I quit early. That was the time you went on that extended trip with Tony and Tiny. Ron came in early and I didn't even realize he was there. It was you I was making love with, not him."

"I have to say something", Jennifer said.

"Both of you made mistakes. Mom, you made two; the first was the affair with a married man that came back to cause all of us so much pain. The second was not being honest with dad, the man who loves you more that life itself."

"Dad, your mistake was in not confiding in mom once you found out about my paternity. You should have given her the respect of allowing her to explain herself and tell you of the circumstances, right or wrong."

"I love both of you and I will not be satisfied until we are back together. Tiny has promised to keep the two of you together until you work this out. I need to know if you are willing to try."

Jennifer waited for a response, looking fiercely at the two most important people in her life. She held her breath waiting for her dad to speak.

Jim looked at Molly and said, "There is nothing to work out. I love you more than I can say and I cannot imagine my life without you in it. I knew of the affair just after I found out about Jennifer and I knew the even Ron had no illusions about your feelings for him. He felt that you used him for the very reasons you just mentioned. He also knew that I allowed no contact with either you or Jennifer until she was 18. He almost blew that when he contacted you early."