All Comments on 'The First Move'

That was great. Very sensual and the climax (pardon the pun) had me laughing out loud. The lack of "naughty words" definately set the more comfortable and "innocent" tone.

Just one criticism, the "guy sharing a dorm room with a girl due to a clerical error" is an overused cliche. There are actually coed dorms out there in the world. I personally know at least one New England university where male and female students share dorm suites. I'd suggest something like that instead.

Thank you for the great feedback Lionheart. I agree that it is very cliched however this was the third time I submitted this excerpt with changed names and Frankensteined the five paragraphs at the beginning. I am just glad you get to read it :)