All Comments on 'Special One-Time Offer'

This wasn't a story...Just an essay in english literature about a fortuitous encounter of two people: they could be single, divorced, any race or religion...They could have fucked (sorry for this wword commenting a so erudite essay) without seeing each other faces, just the eyes!!! But where this essay fails is in showing how this mother (we don't know anything about him) could forget her children, could endanger her marriage and her health (and by the way her husband's health)...Well written essay, but 1* because it failed in showing people with feelings...

I'm not critical of this .. it's just an observation. Most fantasies that people have are not full blown stories, with a backstory and follow-ups. A fantasy is typically an isolated episode, isolated in time and space. It just happens and all it has to have is the few essentials that pushes the fantasy-holder's buttons.

At least one contributor to this forum, TessMackenzie, even makes a very explicit distinction between her stories and her fantasy vignettes. In the latter she never bothers to explain anything. She has a bondage fantasy and she's tied up. With what? Who cares .. the detail isn't important. How's she get there? Doesn't matter, the fantasy is about being in the situation.

Of course, starting with a fantasy, and then turning it into a story is a very different task. For a story to work the author needs to deal with motivations -- and even longish BTB stories fail in this. Revenge fantasies, even those that are 5 pages long with very detailed account of the revenge, are still not stories when motivation is only assumed, not examined.

Just because she has responsibilities and kids doesn't mean she is a wife.

sounds to me like she may be divorced... or just a slut with a penchant for getting pregnant. Especially if this is the way she acts.

No real man would put up with that kind of crap.

And she never even thinks of a husband?

Only works if exactly everything falls into place just perfectly. When a friend asks her husband what the wife was doing walking into that hotel with a good looking man, and the wife denies even being in that part of town, the disintegration will begin. The details of the dissolution of the relationship have many possibilities. Running into the stranger again at another time and place, with obvious recognition and rekindling of desire. Or the husband being a little less resolute in the future when he has an opportunity to cheat, and remembers that the wife most likely already has. Or maybe the STD she brings home, or the strange man's wife contacting the husband with her PI's report.

But hey, its just a fantasy. Its like it never really happened. Men are not the lucky, and women are not that stupid. So then what's the point of reading the story? Whack, whack, whack: congratulations.

But this didn't read well. It 's too short to qualify as an actual story. Not nearly enough information. Questions like does she really have a husband come to mind. And if you intended this to be flash story, it just wasn't clever or erotic.

this is an example of a literary genius who can portray an erotic event with the best of what the English language can offer. This is not the work of a non-professional, but the creation of a master. Please never allow anybody to edit your stories.

Most of the editors here are inefficient if not ignorant of the English language and basic grammar. and spelling.... An insult to the art of editing .....

If she had any class she would get a divorce before cheating.

Should this not be in a different categorie? Why LW?

Got to the Hyatt room (so far.) Sweetie dropped her bag on the floor ... the SAME bag Bull had chivalrously taken from her hands in the SkyTrain upon exiting! When did he turn modern and gave it back to her?

Back to the story!

But you missed the bit when they agreed a price and he paid her.

No feelings. One look is all it took. Like one reader said. They forget the price. May be well written, but a masterpiece it isn't. There is more to a story than eloquent writing. impo61 said it well. More of an essay than a story. No emotion. Sorry, couldn't get excited about this one.

no emotion because it was just sex and a ticket punched.

Lack of husband in story fits because he also does not matter.

Very cold bleak life for her, sex yes but no connection or feeling.

A one afternoon stand. .. . .hmmmm story okay., .. . I love a quickie in the afternoon.

....I really, really wish every woman I ever exchanged "the look" with fell into my bed.

I found it a little overdone. Too much time spent dwelling on each and every minute sensation, each new one being better than any other ever experienced....well, that sort of took the excitement potential down several notches for me.

When you bear down with continuous escalating terminology, you must bring it to a resounding climax in order to make way for another quiet spot, then build again. Continuous escalation leads to disbelief.

Pretty good, if one considers she just cucked her loving, loyal, supportive and hard working husband and abandoned the safety peace and nurturing she owed her children, for a hasty fuck in a hotel.

Oh, and no guilt whatsoever?

OK...., so she's a hyper-narcissistic sociopath with difficulty staying focused or committed to anything longer than the next distraction. Why bother to go home at all? Just hook up and carry on. Besides, some other manly man will show up along her path shortly and she can rinse and repeat....it could go on forever!

Nope this was an romantic stroking escape for someone, but not for me.

This story is inundated with verbose diction to the extent that the sex failed to be erotic. It might impress a college English professor, but not too many people who are expecting to read an erotic sex story. 1*

It will be fun to see what happens when the husband learns from a friend or family member that his wife was in that hotel with that man.

I know this is fiction, but it will be nice that people remember about STDs.

A daydream of 'what-if' triggered by accidental eye contact. So of course he's a chiseled, buff, distinguished-but-rugged-faced, 4-shots in 3-hours man, and she has perfect tits and pussy and a face like an angel and has practiced her Kegels. There are no real people here, so there are no consequences. Just something to make a dreary drizzly Vancouver commute go faster.

I found nothing in the story to indicate that either of the two were married. For a time, I suspected that this was one of those stories with the twist at the end where they were actually husband and wife enjoying a bit of role play. However, your words about asking her name and him being gone to another town the next day quashed that idea.

As there was no conflict on her part about cheating on a husband, perhaps this should have been in the Erotic Couplings category. While it may have been a beautiful story, as a Loving Wives story, not so much.

Weak on seduction! But MAIN quibble is that this is NOwhere near LW! Yeah, she has kids at home! Divorced? Widowed? Just a careless EZ lay? (As we observe in this account!) Even if Sweetie IS married, it is NOT a factor in this tryst. LW is about the consequences of a wife's adventure(s) on her marital relationship (even if Hubby is not aware of it.) The ONLY consequence in this Erotic Coupling story is maybe her kids' supper being a little late (or pizza delivery!)