by RavenThunderclaw
"Sally... I fell asleep. I'm sorry." Gwen said
"S... Sally asked to to tell you that the breakfast is ready!" She fled with the last word out of her mouth.
She can suddenly talk now?
Why no comments in your story on Gwen's occasional speech, when she supposedly cannot speak at all?
Like most writers on this site, you apparently lack the experience and/or expertise to edit your own writing for grammatical errors, etc. Unfortunately, it shows up pretty much throughout. I am wondering if English is not your first language.
I like your story concept and believe that with appropriate editing, your stories could be some of the better ones on the site.
part was reposted. You may need an editor as you mixed she and he and had some other omissions. Are you uploading from a really slow or broken connection?
Get an EDITOR! Your writing is painful to read. You say you want to know what we think, but clearly you don't give a damn considering everyone telling you the SAME thing on the previous chapter. 1*
but you seriuosly need an editor...
your writing style is amazing and you will be one of the est if you get an editor
Like the story but as others say you need an editor. Lots of errors and nonsensical items such as her talking . Gave 3 stars this time only because I like the story. If your next chapter is this bad I will give one star and not read anymore. I suggest you pull this version of the story, re write the parts with issues and get it edited before reposting. I hope you can clean it up because I truly am enjoying the story line and want to see where you take it. :)
Good style, but it is obvious that English is not your first language. Be consistent. She usually writes notes, then suddenly speaks? Getting an editor will help dramatically.
I suppose after more than 2 years it is safe to assume you'll not be continuing the series and what's his name has died.