All Comments on 'Spying on My High School Crush'

thank u man made me cum hard

Bad. It feels like there was a lack of serious effort in writing this. There are countless spelling and grammatical issues, and a lot of sentences that sound weird or lazily written. These issues really took away from being able to be absorbed into the story. But even looking past those issues, the story itself has many glaring issues. The main character is written like a porn-addicted thirteen year old; it's impossible to relate to a protagonist when the thoughts they're having are completely unrealistic. It's one thing to be horny and act in risky ways because of it, it's another for every thought the character has to be weirdly sexual in nature. And as for Kaci, she was clearly written just as an object of sexual interest to accelerate the plot to sexual interaction as fast as possible. Nobody says, "Screw my boyfriend, he sucks as sex anyways!" And nobody would seriously act the way Kaci does without more intensive consideration of the circumstances.

Perhaps you could excuse the bad plot as simply a convenient plot for the sake of it being erotica, but you can't just make the entire story so focused on sex that it loses all semblance of what even makes it a story.

If you seriously enjoy writing these types of stories and want to improve, try consider the chracters from a more realistic point of view rather than one of pure lust and sex-obsess. There are obviously many erotic circumstances where people in real life do want to have sex with one another, and there are many easy situations where a sexual relationship can develop in this manner; you don't need your story to be forced into the direction of sex when it can develop more naturally and be all the better and more engaging for it.