by blueberry_camelot
Pretty crude, poor grammar and spelling. Get an editor... and try again. Maybe a bit more finesse to vulnerable characters.
this was nothing but stroke employing all the cliches - not a story at all
Really pretty disgusting. Just something for little boys to jack off to. Absolutely nothing that we (girls) can relate to. ZERO STARS Ugh
I thought the story was fine. I've seen much worse on this site. Unfortunately this site seems to attract too many slimy trolls. Don't listen to their idiotic rants. Keep writing. I'm looking forward to chapters 2 and 3.
Yes, get our heroine pregnant!
It's true, the first time it will hurt at first. Keep going and it will soon feel soooo good!
You'll remember your first time "forever.." Pick wisely, if you can.
Orpheum69
Bad - no plot, no tension, completely unbelievable
I almost never rate a story as a “1” but this one surely qualifies