Star Struck Ch. 04

I watched my mother leave, closing the door behind her. Her departure left the house in complete silence. Chris stood rooted to his spot so I walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked at me and I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"She's right though." I said.

"I know she is. But I wish she wasn't."

"Listen, we did say that we would try this out and see what happens. Maybe this is a sign that it isn't meant to be."

"None of this would even be happening if not for my job. Sometimes I wonder if I chose the right career." He said, walking over to the couch and sitting down. I followed him and sat down next to him, weaving my fingers between his. "This would have all been so easy if was like everybody else."

"We all have difficulties in life and I guess this is one of yours."

"The thing is, a part of me really doesn't care. I mean there are plenty of gay actors and they all do fine right?" I looked down at our joined hands and ran my thumb against the back oh his hand.

"I think so but...Chris, you don't have to do this for me. You know that right? If you think that it's better that we break things off, I will be okay, just promise me that we'll keep in touch. If anything I would like to have you as a friend." I said.

"I don't want us to be just friends." He said. "What about you? Are you willing to go through with this relationship even with all the baggage it comes with?"

"I really do want to try but...I don't know." I said. "Listen, we don't have to decide now okay. We still have a few days. Stop beating yourself up over this, I hate to see you so sad." He gave a half-hearted smile and let go of my hand.

"I'm going to my room." He walked towards the stairs.

"What do you want for dinner, I can whip something up." I said, trying to change the conversation.

"Thanks but I'm not really hungry." He deadpanned, climbing the stairs. I sighed. I was feeling horrible too, but maybe my skepticism of the whole relationship was probably why I was able to keep my feelings at bay. I headed for my room, in no mood to have dinner either. I stood outside my door, taking a look at the guest bedroom down the hall. I sighed, turning the doorknob.

Closing the door behind me, I leaned against the wooden panel, throwing my head back and closing my eyes. I know I kept saying it but I really didn't know what to do. Either way, we lose somehow. Stay together and his career and my privacy take a blow. Break up and we both become miserable.

I opened my eyes, seeing the unmade bed in front of me. It was less than twenty-four hours ago that Chris and I were lying together on it. I crossed over to my window, looking out to by backyard. The moon was shining brightly in the night sky, casting it's light onto the pool. I opened my window and climbed out onto the porch overhang. I hadn't done that since my teenage years and I was cautious, unsure if the overhang would give way under my weight.

It seemed stable enough so I sat down, pulling my knees up to my body and wrapping my arms around them. I looked up at the bright moon, the silence helping me clear my mind. Memories of me sitting out there flooded me. I had done this a lot when my dad died so many years ago. So many nights I had sat out there alone, just trying to get over my loss. So many nights I cried till I got tired and went to bed.

Sitting on that overhang, I realized that instead of my father, my sadness was now directed to Chris. I don't know how long I sat there, losing all sense of time, but it had to be a couple of hours. I heard a knock on my door. I turned around looking into my room, seeing Chris's head pop in, searching for me. He saw me sitting outside the window and walked over to the windowsill.

"Hey." He said climbing out and sitting next to me. I immediately lay my head on his shoulder. "What are you doing out here?"

"Just trying to get away from it all." I said. "Let's not talk about it. I just want to enjoy your company." Chris didn't say anything, leaning his head against mine. I savoured his smell, imprinting it into my memory, not wanting to forget it.

"Sometimes, I forget how much I love doing this sort of stuff. Just spending time with someone you care about and doing absolutely nothing." He said, staring up at the moon.

"Somehow put's you at peace doesn't it?"

"Yeah." He said, leaning down and kissing me on the lips. I sighed, knowing that in a few days, I may not be able to feel his lips on mine anymore. Chris yawned, breaking me from my thoughts. He must have been tired after the long day of filming. I got up and went back inside, pulling him into my room as well. I closed the window, stripping to my boxers.

I pulled the duvet up to my shoulders as I climbed into bed. Without needing to ask him to, Chris removed his clothes and climbed in next to me. We both faced each other and I placed a hand on his cheek. "Whatever happens, I want you to know that you've made me the happiest I've ever been." I said.

"Me too." He said, placing a kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes as I felt them start to water, threatening to spill. He pulled me closed and I buried my face in the crook of his neck, keeping the tears at bay. We held each other as we fell asleep that night, hoping we could stay like that forever.